Evening everyone, just need to vent, and to know that other people are feeling this shit too.
I have this friend who has recently split from her crazy psycho controlling husband, which is great, such a brave thing to do. Except he has absolutely not let go - he is still controlling her and manipulating her emotions and there's so much I can't even get into it. He makes her feel worthless, and as somone who suffers from anxiety and depression, it's really hitting her hard. So she talks to me, and I try to fix it, but she doesn't seem to have the strength to help herself and there's only so much I can do. I'm worried about her, she keeps saying she's going to do something stupid and that worries me and infuriates me at the same time. How can she let him have this effect on her, why won't she help herself, who the hell does he think he is to treat her that way... And then she tells me since their split, she's been sleeping with someone else, and her ex has found out, and thinks it's his business, so has gone snooping, and found that the guy has a gf, and is threatening to not only expose him, but to kick the living daylights out of him. My friend is terrified. But won't go to the police because she needs her ex on good terms so he can have their kid while she works. On top of that, I think she's attempting to sleep with a mutual friend, and while that's none of my business and certainly not for me to decide one way or the other, I absolutely hate the thought. Especially if her crazy psycho ex again decides it's his business. I have so much going on in my own life, and I don't know how to handle this as well. That's not me being selfish and saying I don't want to help, because I do, I just don't know how. I can't say anything to the ex because he will lash out at her, if I contact the police she's afraid of the repercussions, nothing I say seems to be getting Through to her, and it's not my place to say anything to our friend.
Sigh. Sorry for long post, I don't have anyone to talk to 😓
You're such a good friend for trying to help her, but there's only so much you can do. If she's being threatenedby her ex (or has ever been harmed by him physically) she has to go to the police, once their involved it's their job to protect her and anyone else he has threatened to abuse. At the end of the day her wellbeing and safety is the most important thing, if her only concern is who will watch her child while she is at work I'm sure there will be many others who will help her out. If it was me and I felt I was in danger I wouldn't want my child near him anyway, even if he is the father. Unfortunately you can't make her do anything, she has to make the decision herself, all you can do is be there for her. Maybe if others told her the same as you she might come round and seek the help and protection she needs. Sending hugs and I hope things work out. x
Hi VioletWolf; emotionally it seems you're already doing all you can do!
If your friend isn't ready to help herself, you can't push it; all you can do is reassure her that you're there for her in whatever way she needs, and then take a step back and allow yourself a breather. As frustrating as her course of action or choices might seem at times, it's not always easy to think/act logically during a break-up and even the most supportive and reasoning friend won't make you see it.
Rest assured it sounds like you're doing all you can. Just continue to be there for her x
Hi violet creams, you've been given great advice. You are a good friend and it is up to her.
But can I suggest you put a little distance between yourself and her problems? She seems to be courting danger for whatever reason and yes drama is following her but she's also creating it.
When someone is messy like this tensions run high and it wouldn't be fair for you to be pulled in. You have your own stuff and it sounds volatile and explosive.
It's not selfish to make sure you're okay, if you go under dealing with her drama, you're useful to no one..