Split from my OH :(

Off-Topic Chat
1

I know I already posted about this in the "What are you grateful for today?" thread, but I've been feeling extra emotional today & needed a place to vent.

I split from my OH last week & I still can't stop crying. At stupid things & at stupid times. I can't talk to my friends because they're all coupled up/married & it just makes me sad. My family are no help because they just don't care.

Without going into too much detail he treated me like shit - like something that had been scraped off his shoe. I can honestly say that I hate him. But as much as I hate him, a tiny part of me still loves him & its breaking my heart. All I've been able to think about all day is hugs from him. Not sex, just snuggling into his chest hugs.

Its affecting everything I do. I can't stop crying, I can't concentrate at work. I cried today when I saw a couple all lovey dovey in the lift. I went to a going away party on saturday for a friend who's in the army & I had to leave at 9pm because the sight of all the couples was too much & I burst into tears.

I feel like I'm drowning & can't see a way out.

I need people to tell me what a twat he is - I need something to distract me from the need for his hugs because I swear I nearly rang him today. I had my finger on the send button & everything.

Please help me.

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G&G sending the biggest hugs ever.

I know how you are feeling, I split from my OH about a month ago and I'm feeling the same as you, still crying every day. Stupid things set me off like songs on the radio or if I see something when I'm at the shops and think, I will get that for Mr Minx and then remember we aren't together and it just sets me off again.

If he treated you bad then you are better off without him. You deserve better, you come over as a lovely person on here and deserve to be treated better.

I feel like it's the wounded helping the wounded here. I'm going to give you my email over chat and feel free anytime to chat, moan, vent, cry what ever you need.

You will get over this and remember every day is a day you are getting stronger. *tells self the same*

*more massive hugs* xxx

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Oh no hun, sorry you feel like that but it is understandable no matter what a shit he was, he was a part of your life. Sounds like your head knows you're better off without him but the heart is having a problem giving him up.

I split from my ex of 7 years, 18months ago and even though I knew it was for the best cos we hated each other by the end, I still cried etc just as you describe. I remember friends telling me I'd feel better soon and all that and not believing them but it was true, I guess time is a great healer as they say. DON'T give in to that urge to ring him, it won't be worth it and will make you feel even more shit in the long run.....

Think of all the positives to not having him in your life and the fact that being single will mean you can find someone who treats you as you deserve and not like shit, no man has the right to treat you that way.

I gave myself a time limit on the tearful days, I think it was one for each year, so a week, I think it went to about 10 in the end and then I just said, "right you were a wanker when I was with you and you deserve no more of time or energy, you shitbag" and it seemed to help. I focussed on all the shit he had put me through and was happy to continue to do (long story) and that made me resent him and helped me to focus on me for a bit.

18months later, it was the best thing I ever did, I've changed so much since spending that time single, focussing on myself, learning who I really am etc, discovering what I like sexually and now, although sometimes I may come across as a ball-breaker to some guys, I now know what I want and I refuse to settle for 2nd best again, even if that means I remain single for longer (not that I'm single currently, but it is a complicated LDR)

Give yourself a short time to grieve over the split so to speak, then focus on the happier future you now have free of him!

Not sure if this ranty posts succeeds in making you feel better but hopefully you understand my point, altho admittedly it may be lost in the waffle...

*booby hugs* xx

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Keep your head up darling it's his loss, be strong you will get through this, it seems hard at the moment but trust me you will. x

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G&G sending you massive hugs as well

not been in that situation for a long time so cant comment further just wanted you to know that your OA family are thinking about you

xGGx

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Don't do it! He was and still is a shit.

Your life lies ahead of you in all of the wonderous glory that this world has to offer, take a deep breath and indulge in what does you good. Life moves on and you need to too. x

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You said you honestly hate him. I wish all the people in my life I honestly hate would just disappear out of my life!

I think right now, you're missing being in a relationship rather than being with him. This will pass, and then you can turn your attention to finding someone who deserves you, because you're a wonderful person :)

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Thanks you guys xx

MTC I know what you mean about the phonecall making me fell more like shit in the long run. & I'm going to try the time Limit on teary day thing you suggested xx & thanks for the booby hugs x

SLM that would be great - I probably need a rant or two x

Noon, Tiger & GG - thanks to you all xx I needed the cyber pep talk xx

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Ecksvie I think you're right - thats why I miss the hugs more than the sex. I miss the security of a relationship.

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Hey Sweetie ,

There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said on here or that I haven't already said in private chat .

I hope that you can make use of your gift from your wishlist to relax a little & hopefully think things through in a more relaxed frame of mind .

Try & keep smiling

Hugs

xL-Yx

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G&G, how much security is there in a relationship where you hate the other person or he makes you feel like shit though? All he's doing is eating away at your self esteem etc making you think the only person you need or can get is him (bit of reading between the lines there) and that's just not true. For ages I thought it was, but in reality he was just a control freak.

I can't say I don't miss hugs cos I do, and my LDR doesn't really help in that, but I'd rather be coming home to my nice quiet stress free flat, knowing it will be exactly how I left it, than coming home to a grumpy arsed bastard, sitting on the sofa like two book ends all night with the most horrendous atmosphere and then having to clear up all his shit etc....

Yes I felt like shit when he went, wondering how I would cope etc, but pretty soon I realised it was like a bloody god awful weight had been lifted.... You will get to that point too, I promise xxx

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Lookin - Yummy wrote:

Hey Sweetie ,

There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said on here or that I haven't already said in private chat .

I hope that you can make use of your gift from your wishlist to relax a little & hopefully think things through in a more relaxed frame of mind .

Try & keep smiling External Media

Hugs

xL-Yx

I'm using it now hun x It is really helping me to relax so I honestly can't thank you enough xxx

I'm trying to cry it out right now. Then when payday hits on thursday I'm going to see if shopping will take my mind off things x

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MissTerryCleavage wrote:

G&G, how much security is there in a relationship where you hate the other person or he makes you feel like shit though? All he's doing is eating away at your self esteem etc making you think the only person you need or can get is him (bit of reading between the lines there) and that's just not true. For ages I thought it was, but in reality he was just a control freak.

I can't say I don't miss hugs cos I do, and my LDR doesn't really help in that, but I'd rather be coming home to my nice quiet stress free flat, knowing it will be exactly how I left it, than coming home to a grumpy arsed bastard, sitting on the sofa like two book ends all night with the most horrendous atmosphere and then having to clear up all his shit etc....

Yes I felt like shit when he went, wondering how I would cope etc, but pretty soon I realised it was like a bloody god awful weight had been lifted.... You will get to that point too, I promise xxx

You hit the nail on the head right there MTC. I have such low self esteem anyway & this has just really knocked what little I had right out the window.

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There's not a lot I can say G&G but I am sorry. You do deserve to be happy - such a bubbly, friendly and lovely lady!

All the best and I hope it gets easier with time!

Adx

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Hey Sweetie, Me and Jade are here for you anytime and you know it!

I wont say because its something you said to me in chat, But I think I know at least part of the reason for your insecurity, And would like to say it really isn't a problem hun! There will be plenty of men out there swooning over you when the time is right! Hopefully you know what im on about lol!

You are a smart, Kind, Caring and beautiful woman and any bloke that treats you the way he has, Doesn't deserve you or have the right to call you their OH!

Huge boobie & moobie hugs from us both!

All my best, MB xxx

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Sorry to hear that G&G. Hope things get better for you soon.

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P.s. J just sent you a text hunny xxx

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I kind no how your feeling as well, I split up with my missus (of nearly 10 years) just over 2 months ago, and moved out leaving her and my 8 year old boy.

Hardest bit was seeing my boy in tears as I left, but me and now ex talk more ( got to for the sake of our boy), and we are taking care of our boy a week at a time each so he sees as both.

Miss coming home and not have someone to talk to about your day etc, but when Ive got my boy (which is this week) I dont have a care in the world. Then the following week to keep occupied I hit the gym hard or get out to see my mates.

So keep your chin up, think positive and smile!

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I have already spoken to you on chat, so there's not much I can say here that I haven't already said!

But you know you're an incredible person, and that any guy would be lucky to have you! Why wait around for a guy who just tosses you aside like yesterday's pants? I mean there's no shame in wanting him back. You loved him, he left you suddenly without warning... And it's only been a week or two! You can't expect to fall out of love with someone straight away. I mean not a lot of people can switch their emotions off like a hosepipe!

If you need closure, which is what it sounds like, I do recommend seeing him one last time, if you can. Either he will realise that you're incredible and he wants you 'til the end of time... Or you will realise he's an ass who will never have a decent, wholesome relationship with you. You'll get your answer, even if it's not the one you want to hear... But then you can have a big cry with a pot of icecream and move on.

We can't really do a whole lot to help you from here, but we're all here to comfort you and listen to you and give you whatever advise we can... And I stand by my offer to come up and mutilate him with a fold-up chair!

Take care, Sweetie.

-biggest hugs ever- xx

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Booties wrote:

I have already spoken to you on chat, so there's not much I can say here that I haven't already said!

But you know you're an incredible person, and that any guy would be lucky to have you! Why wait around for a guy who just tosses you aside like yesterday's pants? I mean there's no shame in wanting him back. You loved him, he left you suddenly without warning... And it's only been a week or two! You can't expect to fall out of love with someone straight away. I mean not a lot of people can switch their emotions off like a hosepipe!

If you need closure, which is what it sounds like, I do recommend seeing him one last time, if you can. Either he will realise that you're incredible and he wants you 'til the end of time... Or you will realise he's an ass who will never have a decent, wholesome relationship with you. You'll get your answer, even if it's not the one you want to hear... But then you can have a big cry with a pot of icecream and move on.

We can't really do a whole lot to help you from here, but we're all here to comfort you and listen to you and give you whatever advise we can... And I stand by my offer to come up and mutilate him with a fold-up chair!

Take care, Sweetie.

-biggest hugs ever- External Media xx

Second this we are all here to listen and offer advice when you want it, virtual tea and ice cream.

Hope you are more positive today and resisting that phonecall

xGGx