Sorry if theres already a thread on this, but i didnt find anything on it.
A topic that is really interesting me at the moment (Im taking a minor in Gender and Sexuality at uni) is the idea of online communities and identities with reference to sexuality (im looking forward to studying it in a few weeks time) and I couldnt help but think of everyone in the OA here!
I know that I use this space anonymously (with the exception of my OH), and that the majority of the things that I say on here, I would not say in real life. This comes throuh the idea that I feel safe talking to people who I do not know and will never meet in real life. It also helps that I know that you will all accept my sexuality in contrast to a lot more "uptight" people in the "real world".
What also interests me is how a community is formed on the internet, and people make friends via this way of talking too. This makes me think that this has to be a public space, but then when I think about the way in which I am posting, there is also a fair amount of privacy involved since I can control who knows in the "real world" what I like/am. So i cant figure out whether or not I look at this space as public/private.
Why do you guys post on here, and ae your online identities a lot different to your personal identity in the real world?
I'm pretty much the same here as in real life, I tone it down a bit as to not offend though! But I would openly talk to people about anything if they ask, here is just a place where you can talk about things that have not naturally been brought up in conversation IRL.
Tbh all I ever talk about in real life is sex it's been like that since I was younger and wanted to train as a sex therapist.... which I'll do if I ever finish my degree (not that I'm finding it hard I keep getting firsts but I'm not really motivated to do it all the time).
My friends and people who know me have accepted this, at first a few found it strange but now as they have grown up they think it's great to be able to talk about these things so openly with someone in real life.
The reason I come onto the forum really if to prevent me from getting bored as I become ill a lot and unable to go out when I'm like this..
I am generaly a very private person when it comes to my sex life and sexuality. In the last year I have become part of online and real-life fetish communities and found I can express that side of myself to these people openly and candidly. This has eventualy led to my OH convincing me to come join the great community on LH.
I do not talk about my sex life with friends and relatives, apart from a couple of very close friends with similar interests. This is a combination of my own need for privacy and distance with the fact that a lot of others have no interest in that side of me, or would find my tastes far too deviant and 'abnormal'.
What you will find is that due to my need for privacy and distance, I will not discuss much of my personal life or any personal details online where I choose to discuss my sex life and sexuality. I simply find it easier to segregate the various parts of my life (work, family, friends, kink) and only allow overlap in very specific and limited ways,
I guess I am too used to ensuring I am distant and protected enough from people, whilst also making sure not to cross other people's lines of decency and taste. I am comfortable about who I am and how I live my life, but I am aware that others are not as comfortable or open minded and could be hurt or give judgments that would lead to me ending our relationships.
I really won't pander to fools or the ignorant, and rather than alienating and severing ties with those I know, I simply segregate my life and show people the parts of myself they appreciate and understand. I have many walls of trust of intimacy and I judge people very carefuly about how close to me they are allowed to come.
I'm more open on this forum than in real life, but that's more down to the fact that I know I'm in the company of people who wont judge my thought/opinions in realtion to sex and relationships, rather than the fact it's annonymous.
I talk to my Husband openly like I do on here.
My main reason for keeping my profile on here annoymous is because I wouldn't want it to affect my work or upset family if they recognised me, as the content on here is not the kind of thing that is talked about within my family - ever!
This is the only online community I am a member of.
I'm pretty much the same, other than that I talk about it more here because I assume more people are interested. ^_^
Course I watch what I talk about and who I talk to in the real world, but there are pleanty of people I am comfortable talking about really. I guess it helps that I work with a bunch of fellow perverts, so the people I'm around the most are in no possition to judge. =D
In real life I am extremely private and I am very careful about guarding my privacy. I rarely (almost never) trust people enough to let them know anything relevant about who I really am and that includes family, friends etc.
While I can fit in and get along with most people, on a deep, connected-ness level I feel completely alien from 99% of the people I meet.
By nature I am a loner and I do not need people in the same way that most others seem to. If I had a serious life-changing problem I wouldn't ask another persons advice, I never look for comfort from anyone else.
Online communities are a way to maintain anonymity but still discuss things which are important to you. They're also a way to get another point of view and perhaps broaden your knowledge base. So for that reason they can be valuable.
There are some limitations; because its an artifical form of communication where you cannot see facial expressions or hear the tone of voice, it increases the risk of misunderstanding so I try to take care with what I write.
Somewhere like this forum is a great way to discuss topics which I could never discuss elsewhere. No way in a million years could I ask anyone I know about vibrators or orgasms or whatever.
My main reason for keeping my profile on here annoymous is because I wouldn't want it to affect my work or upset family if they recognised me, as the content on here is not the kind of thing that is talked about within my family - ever!
If they are on here and recognise you I think they would have some explaining to do aswell!
This is mine is not anonymous, if anyone sees me on here then they are obviously here too so can't exactly judge me for it (not like I could care if they did) :)
I am different on here than real life, but that is only because i put so much more thought into what i say here than in real life.
there are a lot of strangers on here, who don't know me and therefore could be offended or think i am an idiot, whereas in real life my friends know i am an idiot so i don't have to think ;]
i also wouldn't talk about many of the things i've brought up here with anyone other than my two close friends, for instance i haven't told my college friends about my recent break up but i have spoken to some people on here about it (although that is a whole other kettle of fish)
i think i personally enjoy posting here because i like to know there is someone there for me at all times, and i like to know i can help people out too.
i am not part of any other communities online whatsoever, and i have no wish to join any, my interests include reading or gaming but i don't want to talk to people about these things because i have people in my life i can talk about these things to. it is never going to get "deep" so there is nothing i hold back from people i real life regarding these subjects.
until last week pretty much everything i had spoken about on here i also spoke to my boyfriend about, but he has only slept with one other girl, she couldn't really provide me with alot of advice aside from "hmm lets try this"!
i think the wealth of information and advice on here is immense, i know that pretty much anything i need advice on i can either find the information or ask and someone can help me.
This is really interesting! I wasnt expecting so many people to say that their online identities were similar to their public identity.
Pixieking wrote:
Course I watch what I talk about and who I talk to in the real world, but there are pleanty of people I am comfortable talking about really. I guess it helps that I work with a bunch of fellow perverts, so the people I'm around the most are in no possition to judge. =D
I think the idea of not being judged is probably the most important for me, and im guessin a lot of other people too. I wonder if the people, like myself, would be a lot more open about some of their kinks if they knew that other people wouldnt judge them for it?
The community part is an interesting point. The net is very fickle in a way, people unintentionally are drawn to likeminded people and people who don't fit often feel excluded. I don't think there is often anything sinister but a site like this draws people of a certain 'type'. Often relatively young, open minded, liberal and above average intelligence. One of the reasons I'm here is because I consider myself to fall into this type and I happen to quite like intelligent liberal people! Certain values and outlooks obviously come in bundles with other values.
I also enjoy encountering people who talk about something I have an intellectual, rather than sexual, interest in. It's hard to find that about such a topic in the real world.
As for my identities... Hmmm.... Hard to say. I'm a 'bigger' person on here than life in general. But I'd say I'm generally shy/disinterested in people I don't know in the real world but quite lively amongst the people I do bother with, I'm always chatting, making jokes, engaging etc... with people I like.
As mentioned by others I'm generally distant from others and won't open up. It takes a lot for me to open up, it always has (I've never really needed to and been quite self sufficient). I'm a rationalist and leaving myself open online is more dangerous than it needs to be given my personal data isn't vital to get along with me.
This is really interesting! I wasnt expecting so many people to say that their online identities were similar to their public identity.
In what way did you not expect it? I don't think you can be 'someone else' without effort and that makes it unenjoyable (makes the trolls easy to spot too). I've always just seen the net as a magnifier of behaviours. Twats become uber twats online given the lack of repercussions and nice peeps are just the super helpful posters!
Why do you guys post on here, and are your online identities a lot different to your personal identity in the real world?
Hiya,
Just thought I'd chip in with my ten pence worth.....
My online personality is essentially the same - I don't say anything different to how I would IRL; I like to think I'm helpful and I like to try and help people on here. I don't comment unless I have something to say, again similar to my real self.
However, I am defo more open on here sexually - I would say only 1 person really knows how dirty I am and what I like and it's one of the reasons I come on here - just get more ideas.
I am seen as such a responsible person IRL that I think 99% of my friends and close colleagues would fall of their chair if they knew the real me.
I don't tend to give too much away online or offline and keep a lot private. Only those who I really trust get to know things about me and even then I'm selective - I think its a defense mechanism or protection but I don't really know why.
Whenever I post I'm always conscious of what I'm typing since I wouldn't want people to piece things together and discover it was me - I like the anonymity that I have on here. It's another reason why I'm careful with my avatar. I think only two people would recognise my body.
It might seem cloak and dagger and people might wonder why I'm like this; don't worry, I'm no celebrity or any of that crap - I just take my privacy carefully.
I'm not on any other forums and think the fact that people don't judge is one of the reasons I enjoy coming on here. That said, because of the nature of what we talk about some topics get very heated so I don't always post whats on my mind or whats bothering me for fear of repercussions because people aren't afraid to say what they think when it's faceless!!
However, I am defo more open on here sexually - I would say only 1 person really knows how dirty I am and what I like and it's one of the reasons I come on here - just get more ideas.
Just for clarification, since someone has helpfully pointed out/questioned (to the dirty minded individual involved anyway External Media) that this reads like I'm into Poo Play.
For the record, I'm not - not that there's anything wrong with that if you are but my point was only 1 person in real life knows how my filthy mind works and what I like and my OH knows a lot but not full extent since he's quite shy. I like coming on here because it opens my mind to other things but also gives me ideas of how to do things better!
Put it this way: If I were to speak to my upperclass, religious, contacts about how I like to not only have sex before marriage, but be tied up and fucked in compromising positions before marriage, they probably wouldn't be too accepting. Nor would my family if they knew that I keep an entire hold-all full of sex toys under my bed... Nor would my male friends be too happy if I stripped down to a fishnet thong and asked their opinion.
So I would say that I am the same person on here, just less held-down by social norms and graces. People on here can't stare at me with knowing looks when my OH drops me off in the car. They just nod and accept and have a laugh about all our crazy sexy quirks.
So I guess I just show a side of myself I normally wouldn't in real life. Unless a friend ASKED me to talk to them about this stuff of course... Then they couldn't shut me up =)
In real life I am extremely private and I am very careful about guarding my privacy. I rarely (almost never) trust people enough to let them know anything relevant about who I really am and that includes family, friends etc.
While I can fit in and get along with most people, on a deep, connected-ness level I feel completely alien from 99% of the people I meet.
By nature I am a loner and I do not need people in the same way that most others seem to. If I had a serious life-changing problem I wouldn't ask another persons advice, I never look for comfort from anyone else.
Online communities are a way to maintain anonymity but still discuss things which are important to you. They're also a way to get another point of view and perhaps broaden your knowledge base. So for that reason they can be valuable.
There are some limitations; because its an artifical form of communication where you cannot see facial expressions or hear the tone of voice, it increases the risk of misunderstanding so I try to take care with what I write.
Somewhere like this forum is a great way to discuss topics which I could never discuss elsewhere. No way in a million years could I ask anyone I know about vibrators or orgasms or whatever.
I'm a bit like this!
Even if I gave you my full real name (and it's not a common one) you'd be able to find little to no trace of me online. I have 1 other forum I've been on for years but it's about a very specific topic so I only post there sporadically. I've been a member of more general ones before but never last long. And my usenames are always different. I'm a lot like Hedonistic in the sense that I like to segregate different areas of my life- even online. That being said, I don't necessarily think I'm not being myself- it's just that I show different sides of myself to different people as I see fit. Similar to the way that someone might act extra polite around older relatives- because that is what is appropriate.
The identity anyone conveys online is entirely contextual. Like on LH it's easy to get a very warped perception of members as overly sexual beings, but that's just an impression given because the majority of what we discuss here is sexual. I'd find it hard to give a well-rounded portrayl of my true personality in an internet community where probably 90% of what I say relates to sex.
