HE - I don't compare them as my ex was an abusive man. I was groomed by him at a very young age and am still having therapy to help get over my fear of him. I have many, many bad memories of him, and am working on putting them behind me. Unfortunately, his MO was to use his bedroom skills which were vast.
I still live in fear of this man and the sexual memory I confessed to here makes me feel guilty for having it. And even worse for remembering the intense feelings I had when he'd perform oral on me. More's the pity, I know I can't erase these memories, but with the couselling I'm having, they're now having much less of an effect on me - but I stil have flashbacks when something happens to me that will trigger a memory.
I feel I now have a happy relationship and great sex life with my OH and I would never withhold oral as a form of "punishment" or "tit-for-tat" kind of thing. He doesn't like doing it and that's that. I hope he'd respect my wishes and not make me do anything I didn't want either.
While oral is on my missing list, it's not the be-all/end-all. My sex life with my OH has actually healed me and helped me get over a lot of my hang-ups. I don't sit there and yearn for my ex, or oral sex. Neither do I actually miss the act - just, occasionally, the orgasm (which, now I use bullets etc., I sometimes overdo, which kind of spolis it for me). The feeling was very nice, not too intense, but very satisfying. Orgasm with bullets is sometimes too intense which leaves my strangely disatisfied.
I don't want to pin my hopes on it, but I'm wondering if the Womanizer will bring some extra sensations that will help me completely forget my ex - working under de-sensitisation theory. Sex with my OH is completely different than with my ex (who made me feel I was worthless, then guilty for enjoying the physical sensations), but it's still sex. Despite the parallels, I'm finally forgetting the past and enjoying the present.
D - yes, but I couldn't relax knowing he just wasn't enthusiatic. But thanks :-)
V - sorry it didn't work for you. I hate disappointment like that.
Era - thank you for understanding what I was trying to say, and the returns advice. I'm already hooked on LH and have a monthly budget to spend with them, but I've gone a bit overboard with this. I WILL let you know how it goes - it was despatched today so if it arrives tomorrow, I will charge it, try it and get straight back online to let you know how it fares.
PS Sorry for the War and Peace life story. I don't think my counsellor meant coming online to LH when he said talking about it would be good for me, but hey-ho. Thanks for "listening" anyway.