I know I'm probably silly but does it bother anyone else when their partner masturbates excessively? I don't mind if he does it once a day as I usually do it that often as well but today he said he had done it 3 times and it's really bothering me. I also know he watches porn as opposed to thinking about me which makes it worse I probably wouldn't even mind if he was actually thinking about me. I should also say we don't live together so he can't just wait till he sees me later or something. Anyway, what do you guys think? x
Three times in one day.... He's lucky he has that much free time on his hands! I wouldn't be impressed. My Oh does it about once a week and looks pics of me and him. It does bother me that he wanks but if he was doing it excessively I would be annoyed and wondering was I not good enough
Three times in a day isn't excessive. Three times everyday might be though. As for watching porno, I'm sure most blokes do. I know I do. But for me its no substitute for my wife, just a convenient source of inspiration when she's not here or not in the mood.
If your sex life is still good, I wouldn't worry. Porn is so easy to access nowadays that it provides a quick release whenever and where ever you want, but its a poor substitute for a lady (or man) who you love.
Yep and he finished work at 3pm so it has all been since then lol! I think because it isn't normal for him to do it so much it bothers me more because it makes me wonder why. Like wonder whether he has seen someone he's excited about thinking about or something like that :/ Or has some new fantasy I'm not fulfilling. I'm pretty insecure so I know it's likely to be me being paranoid.
And yeah I guess the porn doesn't really bother me actually, I watch it myself a couple of times a week. I would prefer that to thinking he is fantasizing about other women. And I def feel better about the porn after reading your reply Mozzalini so thanks :) x
if its normal for him to do it so much very much doubt it has anything to do with new fantasy your not fulfilling. sounds like hes doing it because he is bored rather than anything else.
I had something like this at one point. If it is a problem and you don't deal with it, it will build and it will bug you constantly. My OH sees to himself frequently and I spoke to him about it. Turns out he did it mainly out of boredom and yes though he watches porn, at any other time (especially when intimate with me) the porn and the women never crossed his mind. And to be honest, some of our best positions have come from his porn watching.
He was also worried he'd spook me with his high libido, a worry I soon put to rest. Don't worry, what he's doing is relatively normal. And if it worries you, ask him if you're comfortable to.
Its a method to get a quick fix for pent up 'stress', theres hardly any emotional involvement at all. Once they've sorted it out, its forgotten about :)
make him some porn morning glory - then he can think about you :)
I think it's perfectly normal, wouldn't take personal offense if I was you.
Unless he's a teenage boy, then yes, that is excessive. Why don't you just ask him?
Thank you everyone I do feel a lot better about it now. I have said to him that it bothers me but he just shrugs it off because he thinks I'm being stupid.
And Sum Sub that is an awesome idea! I'm definitely going to do that thanks xx
As far as i'm aware, my OH doesn't masturbate outside of our 'sexy time'.
Or should I at least say, I know he doesn't do it when i'm around. I certainly have a little play with myself when he's out of the house, but I don't know if he does the same. Wouldn't bother me if he did. I certainly don't think he'd do it that often in a day though..
But to be honest, I don't think it's a big deal - but at the same time, you shouldn't feel silly either - those times when he's on his own, he could be doing something with you etc.
Do you offer to do it together? Maybe this will help you feel more secure and open new doors of possibility?
Little Strummer Boy wrote:
Do you offer to do it together? Maybe this will help you feel more secure and open new doors of possibility?
We don't live together but we used to have cyber sex a lot but he never really asks me to anymore and even when we did that he would have one laptop screen with me and another laptop screen with porn next to it.
he might be addicted to porn
I can't say it would bother me all that much. He knows for me to do it 3 times in a day is not all that uncommon so it would be hypocritical of me to be annoyed by it. It wouldn't bother me if he was watching porn, but he's told me he hasn't since we've been together so again, that's not an issue for us.
Take a few pictures for him or something. That way, he will most probably look at those than porn.
He has pics which he never uses and when I suggested Sum Subs idea of making some vids he didn't seem all that keen :( I know that when he was with his ex he used to wait patiently for her to leave for work and then immediately watch porn and masturbate when she had gone.. Maybe it's just something I'm going to have to get used to I guess.. xx
From personal experience, I would be concerned about watching that much porn. Get him to watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU
and for more details have a look at the same guy's website:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/
Everything he says/writes is backed up by studies which are all linked to on his website.
It might be that the porn isn't affecting him in this way, but the first thing I knew was when I got ED and it wasn't a gradual thing, it went from perfect to a problem overnight. Six months off porn and I was back to full strength, so to speak.
As I say, I'm sure this doesn't affect all men, but it's something to bear in mind.
It could be a habit he has developed and part of how he is sexually fullflled but if it is making you feel insecure it could be time to chat about this, explain how you feel and maybe what you will like to do being doing with him instead of him pleasurng himself all the time.
All the best hun x
There's a couple of things I see here, First is you don't live together so really he's masturbating because obviously your not there for you guys to be intimate together....
Secondly you do it yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that but I know my wife says that she'd rarely play with herself more than once as she wouldn't have the urge too, but maybe if I'm not around in the morning then she might have one and could possible have a second that evening... If you only have your evenings perhaps you might not have enough "recharge time" and therefore 1 a day is normal for you. My guys is he isn't back tugging away 10 minutes after the last round...
Also my wife would say it's different between men and women, men play, cum and relax, where as women can go clitoral, then g-spot, dildos, fingers etc.... so a masturbation session for a women can last much longer. I know the other have has had some serious sessions when I've been on a night out... she'll tell me after.
The other this is his age? Is he early 20's?? if he is, his sexdrive is going to be very high.
Regarding the porn, some men can visulize their partner or some use pictures or videos they make with their partners and this is great, some like to use porn because it's different, no offence, it's not you, .... I'd be more worried if he was using pictures of other girls or your friends....lol You could always make/take a few snaps but this is always a risky thing as people break up or people snoop in peoples houses or in my case you saved them on a drive or file on one of my 5 computers and can't find them....ssshh OH doesn't know that.
My OH doesn't have an issue with watching porn, she loves watching it herself and know's it's part and parcel and masturbating is very much each to their own.... Again I'd be worried if all he watched was porn.
Anyway if your that worried about it then talk to him, discuss it and ask if there is anything you can do as a couple that might benifit each other.
Failing that.... when your married and have kids he'll be lucky if he has a chance to scratch him privates let alone play with it.
Don_Don wrote:
There's a couple of things I see here, First is you don't live together so really he's masturbating because obviously your not there for you guys to be intimate together....
Secondly you do it yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that but I know my wife says that she'd rarely play with herself more than once as she wouldn't have the urge too, but maybe if I'm not around in the morning then she might have one and could possible have a second that evening... If you only have your evenings perhaps you might not have enough "recharge time" and therefore 1 a day is normal for you. My guys is he isn't back tugging away 10 minutes after the last round...
Also my wife would say it's different between men and women, men play, cum and relax, where as women can go clitoral, then g-spot, dildos, fingers etc.... so a masturbation session for a women can last much longer. I know the other have has had some serious sessions when I've been on a night out... she'll tell me after.
The other this is his age? Is he early 20's?? if he is, his sexdrive is going to be very high.
Regarding the porn, some men can visulize their partner or some use pictures or videos they make with their partners and this is great, some like to use porn because it's different, no offence, it's not you, .... I'd be more worried if he was using pictures of other girls or your friends....lol You could always make/take a few snaps but this is always a risky thing as people break up or people snoop in peoples houses or in my case you saved them on a drive or file on one of my 5 computers and can't find them....ssshh OH doesn't know that.
My OH doesn't have an issue with watching porn, she loves watching it herself and know's it's part and parcel and masturbating is very much each to their own.... Again I'd be worried if all he watched was porn.
Anyway if your that worried about it then talk to him, discuss it and ask if there is anything you can do as a couple that might benifit each other.
Failing that.... when your married and have kids he'll be lucky if he has a chance to scratch him privates let alone play with it.
Lol! That made me laugh.. I have a son and it's very true!
I think I'm going to talk to him about it tonight and see if there is anything I can do. Like you said though porn is favourable over him thinking of real girls like coworkers or my friends. He has said that he finds visualising difficult that's why I was hoping sum subs suggestion might be good.He didn't seem that keen but I will discuss it some more with him tonight :) x
I personally don't like it if I'm at home. I'd rather he try it with me :) I've got a much higher sex drive then him tho, so he doesn't really feel the need - where as me...well that's another story! Lol. If I'm out and the mood takes him I'm really not bothered. He sometimes watches porn he tells me, but imagines its me and him (awwww sweet) lol or looks at pics or videos of me and him x