so i caught my partner watching porn and it made me feel awful. i felt like i wasnt good enough 4 him and really incure. im i the only person who feels like this????
I wouldn't be too worried. Most people watch some porn. The key thing to do is to talk to him about it. Find out why he watches it and what kind of porn he enjoys watching. This could potentially lead to the both of you watching together and trying out new things as a result of it. Communication is vital though.
It's not just you, plenty of people, probably more females, feel like this. I don't agree with looking at others when in a relationship, porn or otherwise, so i'd be incredibly upset if my partner did, but i knew from when we were just friends he isn't a fan.
There's no need to feel awful, porn has and always will be part of a man's life. It's extreme sometimes but that's what some of them need. I'd be concerned if he can't perform without it or if he expects your sex life to resemble a porno, but otherwise it's not as bad as you think. Men watch porn because it's so easily available and they know if gets them off quickly, they know what they like.
The key here is communication... He's not fantasising about the specific women in porn, just the acts and the naughtyness. Why not watch some couple-friendly porn together? Ask him questions, like "Have you ever wanted to take me doggy style?" Try not be accusing and simply ask if he still fancys you, if that's a problem. Get the dressing up box out and blow his mind with how sexy you are! Be confident, he loves you for you!
There are lots of kind of porn and different reasons to watch them. As said before the only important things is that porn don't affect your relation and your sexual life.
Sometime watching porn it's only a nice support for masturbation, other time you are looking for new things to try in bed with your partner, other time again you are only bored. Not often but we also watch porn during foreplay.
It's a matter of fact, porn is exciting, but you don't have to feel awful! It's more than probable that's not related with you. It's more or less like a man that feel inadequate because her wife read love stories. Don't worry and if you need talk with him. =) Dialogue is the first things in a couple.
In my opinion we watch every day professionists doing things that we would like to do ( extreme sports, races, art, etc ) or simply things that we love because this please us. Nothing strange to be a fan of Madonna, and I suppose no one will have any problem if caught his bf watching Madonna's video. Why not the same with porn?
I found out my partner watches porn and felt the same as you. I spoke to him about it found out why and what he likes about it, this made me feel much better. I don't like watching so its just something he does on his own. I have no problem with it now.
I can see why it might be shocking or hurtful at first because of it being something that he hadn't shared with you.
As everyone has said though, it's very unlikely that him watching porn means that he feels at all negatively about you. Porn can fulfil different needs and so it would probably be most helpful if you can open the lines of communication with him and talk about why he watches it and set out whether it would be something that you'd be happy to watch with him in the future.
I think an important thing to recognise is that it's not necessarily that your partner is wanting to look at other women - porn is a lot about fantasy, and my partner made it clear to me that when he watches porn, a lot of his pleasure from it is imagining me in the scenario, which helped me to understand that it wasn't something that I was lacking or anything like that.
I know that my partner watched porn a lot in the beginning of my relationship, although I only found this out later on. He'd felt shy about it and like it was something that I wouldn't want to participate in so hadn't mentioned it, but was really happy when it was something that I wanted to share in and it became another activity that we could do together. It's great for discussing fantasies or things that you like/don't like in the bedroom, or things that one day you might want to try. If you can come to an understanding about it and shut out any jealousy, it can really bring you closer.
Sometimes a male sex drive is ridiculous and he doesn't want to seem to pester for sex. As others have said, porn is a quick fix of fantasy and certainly not a replacement for the real thing from a loving partner.
I understand that you might be feeling unattractive or unwanted or any number of negative feelings but, as has been mentioned, unless it's becoming apparent that he prefers porn to you - which does occassionally happen - then I don't think it's anything you need worry too much about.
We men are sometimes fairly simple creatures and sometimes just want a quick bout of self-satisfaction and relying much more on visual stimulation that women, the obvious outlet is porn.
It doesn't mean that your partner loves you less or finds the women he's watching more attractive or even wishes that you do some of the things that he's watching them do. It's simply something different
You should really talk to him about it. I spent a decade hiding my occassional foray into porn from my (now) wife and only in the last year or so we've found that we do actually like watching it together. I wish I'd spoken to her about it sooner.
Good luck with it.
My hubby loves porn. He doesn't watch it much but it's his little indulgence. A bit of time when he only has to please himself. It doesn't affect our sex life badly, far from it in fact as he gets lots of new ideas. I prefer to read erotica or look at erotic pictures as the fake moaning and groaning gets on my nerves, but I do watch it with him sometimes and it leads to lots of sexy fun.
Please don't feel bad, there are so many reasons why he could be watching. It certainly won't be because you aren't enough for him. Talk to him and suggest you watch some together, you may enjoy it and you'll realise that what you watch isn't nessarily what you're into ( I find gay porn very arousing).
I can really understand your concerns because only a couple of years ago I felt the same. I'd just reached a bit of a milestone birthday and the porn thing only made me feel even more insecure and unattractive, I couldn't understand why he'd want to look at other women unless it was because he though they were more attractive than me.
It all came out in a big row and there were lots of tears ( from me ) but in the end we talked and he explained that it's not the attractiveness of other women that he looks at but the sexual acts themselves, lots of men like to see close ups of female genitals and penetration etc. It's more just the sex itself that's the turn on plus the variety and he rreassurred me that I was still attractive to him.
We started watching some stuff together and I found that I really didn't need to feel jealous of it, in fact it gave us both some new ideas to try out. I watch porn a fair bit on my own now and I don't make any secret of it, actually I'm watching it more than him ! I've got a bit of a thing for threesomes ( me and two men )and I can indulge in this fantasy with porn because it's not likely to happen in real life. It's the same for him, he can watch stuff that he fantasizes about too .
Yes, there are men that I find very attractive when I'm watching, the same as he probably does about the women he watches but I'm still attracted to him too, it's just different that's all.
I think you need to have a talk about it , he probably has no idea that you feel like this, most men don't see it as a big deal. Good luck x
I can't really relate. We have both watched porn together and seperatly for 8 years. There is no link between what we watch and how we feel about eachother.
But I suppose it's different for us, as we have been involved in couple swapping and 3somes over the years and like seeing eachother with other people.
A lot of people watch porn. It's normal and doesn't reflect his feelings for you or your relationship. There's no reason at all to be upset, just talk to him about it rather than questioning him
I positively encourage it :D
We don't watch porn personally, but if me of my partner did want to I would give it a go and hope my partner would too.
But for those who do good on them,
but I wouldn't say porn is part of every mans life as I know loads of men who just aren't interested in it.
I watch porn and my partner doesnt really know, if he did find me and feel the way you're feeling i'd feel pretty bad, but i'd explain its not because of him itys just i have a more increased sex drive than him so i dont want to beg for sex when i can just relieve myself or sometimes im just in the moment and he isnt around, its not something to be ashamed of i might even suggest watching something together and use it to bond rather than seperate!
:)
I watch porn now and again as it stimulates me in a different way and gives me alone time, something I enjoy. I love my partner, he truly is my world and our sex life could not be better and is very satisfying. By watching porn, it by no mean diminishes my live and need for him and his role is still the most vital. As I say, I like a bit of alone time on occasion. Mostly when the cats away ;)
If you talk to him about it, I'm sure he will be able to reassure you that it isn't a reflection on you or your relationship. It probably isn't something that appeals to you at the moment, but maybe consider watching something together, or even on your own if it isn't something you have ever done? It might give you an insight into what it is all about and you might even find something you enjoy as well.
My partner likes watching porn, he uses it for his "personal time", which I've got no problem with. It's something he enjoys doing and doesn't impact on our sex life so I've got no issue with it. I know he likes a bit of fantasy and variety and it's his way of achieving that.
Occasionally we watch porn together as part of warming up, it can be quite a nice bonding experience - especially if the video is complete crap and you end up laughing together about it!
I can understand why you might feel upset but from my experiences and others I've spoken to, it's rarely anything to worry about and is simply something a fair amount of people do whether to relieve stress, boredom, or just indulge themselves a little. Definitely talk to him about it and tell him how you're feeling though, better to be open and honest about things than keeping it under wraps.
25 years married and a regular porn user. I live my wife and would much rather be having sex with her rather than sorting myself out, but equally, I don't want her having sex with me just to keep me happy. I use porn to satisfy my needs when she isn't realky in the mood.
She knows I use porn but isn't threatened by it - she knows it's just a poor substitute for her