Ok so for context, I have this dildo and you’re a wee bit bigger than it in length and girth. I definitely wouldn’t call that a giant finger. It fills me nicely.
Penis size preference will be different for everyone, so whether the other women were being kind or not is irrelevant.
I think the most important thing with sex is confidence, and I get that yours has taken a beating with that.
Look up this thread PotW: The Massive One for position suggestions. Really focus on giving your partner a great time, sex isn’t just about penis and vagina, theres so much more to explore.