Hi Nutella,
Thought you may appreciate a boys point of view.
Firstly, seriously congrats on pregnancy! My little one is now 9 months old, so its all pretty fresh in my mind.
I want to comment on this, but first: Palmers pregnancy coca butter for your tummy and boobs and bum - seriously (also you will smell like a chocolate bar!). And Lanolin for your nipples (we used the Lansinoh brand) . BUY THESE NOW - trust me you will use them.
I'm going to be brutally honest. If you don't want that then please feel free to skip my post.
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Pregnancy (for most) is not the beautiful glowing experience that the sitcoms make you believe. There is A LOT going on with your body. In about 8 weeks time your boobs are going to be so sore that you will not want to touch them, let alone your SO. Your nipples are going to start leaking, and these are going to get sore. (Also your bits are going to leak). Your back is going to hurt, you are going to eat more (although the docs/antenatal/friends/magazine/everyone tells you that you don't need to - I promise you will). You are going to feel sick and nauseated. Your body is going to change. Oh yeah - and then you can't eat anything because the bump has taken over. You are going to be tired.....oh so tired.
Your SO WILL be there to support you, but please let him. Tell him what you need, and have patience when he doesn’t get it right first time.
Trust me, there will come a time when you become SUPER horny, but the sex is still awkward and uncomfortable and its still a struggle. Your SO WILL support you, no matter what.
Guys need to come to be healthy. Actually you want him to be healthy for the next one ;) He knows full well that having a quick wank in the shower is the only way he’s going to get relief, and "porn" is not "OOOOH I really fancy that girl instead of my wife!" - its more "I need to get stimulated fast because I know that my wife could walk in on my anytime". I never think about the girls that I’ve seen in porn after a wank - I certainly don't think "Wow, I wish my wife skinny/attractive like this model".
Best thing to do is to talk to him, and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you don’t have a problem with him wanking in the shower/on the toilet or whatever. Maybe buy him a magazine (so you can control what he looks at). I bought my SO a "glamour" photoshoot (read: naked photoshoot), which we got printed into a really nice glossy book. This made her feel super sexy (including the bump) and gave me something else to think about. (The guy/girl company that we went with a super professional, and have worked on the Pirelli calendar and other high street lingerie glossy PR things. They weren't too expensive, but they weren't cheap. If the LH mods can give me the go ahead I will post a link to their website).
Now onto you. You are beautiful (I've never seen you - but I promise you are!). Do things to make you feel special. Buy some nice new knickers and bras (your body is going to start changing, so keep ahead of this and get yourself some new ones now, about 20 weeks and about 32 weeks). Your not supposed to be wearing underwired (at some point in your pregnancy onwards). Not many stores do REALLY nice pregnancy/feeding bras. Do some light exercise (trust me the LAST thing you are going to be thinking about is exercise, but it WILL make you feel better. Go for walks or if you belong to a gym speak to them and work out what exercises you CAN do.
Right. Birth.
Birth is not pretty (I'm so sorry). Its really going to make a mess of things, and sex is the LAST thing on your mind for a LONG time afterwards. For us my wife started healing about 10 to 12 weeks after birth and I think we started with actual sexy times after about 16 weeks. I still know guys from antenatal who still haven’t had sex, and also girls who are still struggling with damage to their bits 10 to 12 months after the birth of their little ones.
If you do suffer - get to a GP. If you don't get the result you want from a GP, get to another GP. Throughout history girls have gotten pregnant after birth as soon as their bodies would let them. Its natural and normal to heal - and although there are real problems, there is a potential that it could be in your head. You will only know if you get to a GP, but pain (of any kind) after 10 weeks is not "normal".
Your nips are going to be sore. Super sore. Get that lanolin on AFTER EVERY FEED. (You will be feeding every 20 mins night and day for at least a month or two). I don’t know any girl who’s had it easy breast feeding at the start. Everyone will give you different advice and everyone will tell you that the previous advice was wrong. Ignore them all - get to an NHS breast feeding specialist, and make sure you are healthy and then get to a breast feeding group (there will be loads around where you live) and please don't give up - its the best thing for your baby and its super easy to become disheartened. It WILL get better (right up until the LO gets his first teeth, and then it gets bad again).
You ARE NOT GOING TO SLEEP.
For the first two weeks, your little one will sleep, wake up, scream, feed and sleep. (this is a 30 min cycle, day or night). This is the easiest time of all, so make the most of it and get used to sleeping night or day between her feeds. Up to 3 months your little one isn’t going to know night from day, and will wake up and cry/scream/babble/kick throughout the night. At 5 to 6 months they will start to move/roll/commando crawl. At 7 to 8 months they will start to miss you when you leave the room. At 9 months (where I am now) they will be calling for you by name, pulling themselves up and falling down and bashing things (like their head) on the cot.
You ARE NOT GOING TO SLEEP.
Sex is going to be the last thing on your mind, and if you do get horny - chances are that sex is going to be the last thing on your SO's mind.
You ARE NOT GOING TO SLEEP.
If you do ever get to be in the mood together, chances are you are going to get stopped by the Little one, because you woke them up.
This time with the little one is special. Your partner WILL know that. He WILL be frustrated, he WILL be tired, he WILL be needing release.
Just keep talking to him, make sure you know how you guys are feeling as a couple. Do what you can to make him feel special and still important when you can, and he will return the love and support that you will need (and make you feel special too). He WILL need to have a wank in the toilet - keep talking to him and be as supportive as you can to his needs and tell him about your needs. Let him support you, and try not to get frustrated with him when he doesn’t get it right first time.
Being sleep deprived is not great. it makes the world seem dark and scary. The outlook is soo much brighter after a good nights sleep. We take it in turns (when we are super down) to have a good night (with ear plugs) in the spare room. I can feed the little one with expressed milk for a couple nights (basically until he realises that he not getting boob) which will give my partner a night or two off, and she will do the same for me.
We're 9 months in. Its not easy. There are times when I want to scream, but that’s fixed when I go home from work and he runs to me (in his walker) with his arms outstretched for a cuddle. Its tough. Its really hard, but its awesome, and its rewarding and I feel closer to my partner now than I did before (in a weird way).
Just keep talking to him. (and sleep when you can - the sleep is important).