If you havent already guessed by the thread title i am pregnant, currently 24weeks and due on the 22nd Sept. This is my first pregnancy,and i havent had a good time of it at all so far. I suffer from Hyperemsis Gravidarum (for those who do not know what it is hgwarriors.com) i have been admitted to hospital on many occasions and often cannot keep food down. I also feel sick constantly the only relief i get is when i am asleep.
Me and my partner have been having sex on average 1-2x per week. Before i got pregnant we use to have sex more or less every single day, somtimes multiple times. My partner is getting very fustraed, and moans at me saying me being sick is just an excuse!
I have tried talking to him lots, but he just doesnt understand. I have explained that i really do want to have sex with him it just makes me feel so ill. Somtimes i just feel like having sex with him to stop him moaning. How would you loveley guys tackle this issue? Its really making me feel like crap!
Oh poor you! I too suffered from this in all 3 of my pregnancies and ended up in hospital a few times on a drip. Luckily my hubby was quite understanding and obviously not one wants to have sex when they're constantly vomiting do they? I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh but you hubby needs to grow up a bit and realise that having a baby comes with all sorts of problems and this situation isnt going to last forever. In the meantime what's wrong with a bit of hand relief? Please try not to let this get you down as the last thing you need right now is extra stress. Maybe get him to go to one of your hospital appointments so he can hear from a medical professional how awful this is for you. Good luck x
Honestly? I'd tell him to stop thinking with what's in his pants and realise you have a legit and horrible medical condition! Your sickness is far from an excuse and it's extremely insensitive of him to say that to you. You're constantly ill, he's not getting sex. Which is worse, really? He should be supporting you not moaning about no sex, I mean did he really think being pregnant and, further, being parents wouldn't change how often you guys could have sex? It happens, it sucks, but it's not exactly a priority right now when you're feeling so crap!
Have you been given any medication for it? They can prescribe you anti sickness pills (as the risk of dehydration far outweighs any risks taking the pills could have on baby, if that worries you). I was given Cyclizine and it was a life saver, stopped the vomiting if not the nausea.
What is your stance on male sex toys? They can feel threatening, but ultimately it'll take some pressure off you and you can always use them together. Strokers can make hand jobs feel amazing for him and easier on you, especially if your arm gets tired. Intimacy can be kept up through cuddles and other non sexual acts, if he's missing the intimacy more than the orgasms. I wouldn't put yourself in the position of forcing yourself to have sex with him though, as you don't want a negative association building up there. It's not worth it!
I'd tell him to get a grip and stop whinging about not getting sex. show him research on what is actually happening to your body, excluding the sickness, a womans body goes through hell while shes pregnant, your heart and lungs are pushed up and squashed, your intestines are pushed up and around your bump, your bladder has almost no room what so ever. get him one of those weighted body suits so he can enjoy the journey with you. no man can complain about anything when his partner is pregnant, "oh she wants melon at 2 in the morning? go find melon!" you shouldnt be worrying about anything except you and your baby, yes women need to include men in the journey and remember he is struggling with the changes, but he also has to understand how crap you feel, yeah pregnancy is natural and beautiful, that doesnt make it comfortable. tell him how he's making you feel and tll him exactly how you feel on a daily basis if he's whingeing now he's in for a shock whn baby gets here
I would plonk the Internet in front of him and tell him to research how life changes during pregnancy. Then get a big thick book and every time he utters anything to do with using pregnancy as an excuse clout him around the head with said book. He obviously has no idea does he?
Whilst my Mrs wasn't as "ill" as you during her pregnancy, she was quite sick and off colour many times . We decided not to have sex at all ( mutual agreement and no sulking ) . That didn't stop us cuddling each other , snogging etc. ,going out ,alcohol free of course.
IMO he's just being a bit selfish .He needs to get used to it as your motherly instincts will take over once the little un is born .You will probably not want to be bothered with sex at all for a while .
I might sound harsh but he needs to grow up and start looking at his new responabilities which includes taking care of you .
Perhaps you need to have a chat , perhaps over a meal and talk. I have said this before many times communication is a key part of any relationship.
I would plonk the Internet in front of him and tell him to research how life changes during pregnancy. Then get a big thick book and every time he utters anything to do with using pregnancy as an excuse clout him around the head with said book.
He obviously has no idea does he?
Nice one. Basically says it all. Pregnancy affects the couple. My OH had really bad sickness, with both. This is a journey which must be endured by you both.
Errr, agree with all the above and just remind him that's he has something to do with you being pregnant - you didn't get that way all by yourself did you ? !!
I have played with him and told him to play with himself. I offered to get him a male maturbator too as i think it would quite turn me on, and its the next real thing i supose. He isnt interested in that though, which quite surprises me considering he likes using toys on me. I asked him what he thinks it will be like when our lttle boy is here and he seems to think it will be the same, in an ideal world yes but we will both be exausted looking after our baby. I always ask for cudles in bed just because i want to chill out and love cuddles, but says he hates constant cuddles.
I have been given many diffrent medications that have not worked at all, they make me worse. Its got to the piont that i have a large stomach ulcer and will have to have surgery not long after i give birth. I go hospital for fluids at least once a week. He comes to all of my hospital visits and appiontments but just seems to think its normal to be this sick. I can be a drama queen somtimes, but i thought by him coming to the appiontments would show him how bad i am. It doesnt help that i am mainly ill when he is at work.
I have a pregancy book and hes read it from front to back, hes paid more interest in it than me. Hes told me som things that i didnt know! He is very much one of those people who say that it will be fine but do not know what its like until they are in that situaton themselvs.
I know that he does care and worry as he has told his dad and his best freind who have both told me that he keeps asking them for reasurance. Its like hes trying to act "manly" and not show how hes feeling.
I aranged to go out tonight, but completley forgot that hes going to his dads. Hopfully we can sit down and talk soon and hopfully he understands!
I apologize if this sounds harsh, but I agree with several other posts that he needs to grow up and understand that there are going to be times that your sex life is disruppted due to medical issues like what you are going through now.
I wanted to point out that after you have the baby they you HAVE to abstain so you can heal, did he read that in the book? And even after that required time period I want to warn you that your hormones will be wacky and your sex drive may be off. I had issues with natural lubrication after pregnancy and had to get help.
He needs to figure out a way to self release and take the pressure off of your during this time.
Oh my goodness. Upcoming surgery and weekly hospital visits?! It's no wonder sex is off the cards...that's awful :/
Bit out of the blue, but it sounds like he's having a little trouble adjusting to the fact that his needs are no longer priority. It's pretty common for fathers to face a range of not so fun emotions during pregnancy (insecurity, jealousy, irrelevancy etc). It could be that he's not sure how to deal with the new pecking order/these unexpected emotions and he's lashing out without meaning to? Fathers can be made to feel redundant at the best of times, let alone when there's a complicated pregnancy and they can do nothing to help. Also seems he's in a little bit of denial if he thinks things will go back to normal once the pregnancy is done, could be because he's feeling overwhelmed?
Perhaps have a talk about how you're both coping without bringing up sex and see how things go from there? It sounds like he's trying to put on a brave face for you, which is great except for when it becomes too much and he cracks up at you over something like lack of sex when maybe that's not entirely the problem at all!
He definitely needs to think about compromise on the physical front though. You quite simply are not in the position to give him sex just because he wants it, self release is a better idea than building up frustration (since lets face it, not masturbating isn't going to make you able to have sex it's just going to make him more pent up!).
Oh my goodness. Upcoming surgery and weekly hospital visits?! It's no wonder sex is off the cards...that's awful :/
Bit out of the blue, but it sounds like he's having a little trouble adjusting to the fact that his needs are no longer priority. It's pretty common for fathers to face a range of not so fun emotions during pregnancy (insecurity, jealousy, irrelevancy etc). It could be that he's not sure how to deal with the new pecking order/these unexpected emotions and he's lashing out without meaning to? Fathers can be made to feel redundant at the best of times, let alone when there's a complicated pregnancy and they can do nothing to help. Also seems he's in a little bit of denial if he thinks things will go back to normal once the pregnancy is done, could be because he's feeling overwhelmed?
Perhaps have a talk about how you're both coping without bringing up sex and see how things go from there? It sounds like he's trying to put on a brave face for you, which is great except for when it becomes too much and he cracks up at you over something like lack of sex when maybe that's not entirely the problem at all!
He definitely needs to think about compromise on the physical front though. You quite simply are not in the position to give him sex just because he wants it, self release is a better idea than building up frustration (since lets face it, not masturbating isn't going to make you able to have sex it's just going to make him more pent up!).
A lot of what you have said makes sense! He has never been like this before, and is very unlike him. Talking to him without bringing up sex is a really good idea, as thats the only way i have tried to go about it. I just thought that that was his only issue as its the only one he has pionted out, he is good at bottling things up so maybe there is more to what meets the eye. Hopefully i can talk to him tonight or tomorrow. Thank you very much.
I would plonk the Internet in front of him and tell him to research how life changes during pregnancy. Then get a big thick book and every time he utters anything to do with using pregnancy as an excuse clout him around the head with said book. He obviously has no idea does he?
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I like the book idea.
He needs to buck his ideas up (is that a phrase?), cos daddyhood is going to be a big shock otherwise.
Assure him it will get back to normal.... once the kid/s are grown up and moved out!
One way or another he'll need to adjust to the fact the carefree days of regular sex whenever you feel like it have passed. I have not, nor will i ever experience pregnancy, but its obvious to anyone pregnancy is uncomfortable at the best of times without any of the complications. Bladder capacity of an egg cup, raised blood pressure, swelling feet, constipation, a shift in the centre of mass and a large added weight that puts strain on the spine and the supporting muscles, swollen breasts, being kicked from the inside, heightened sense of smell making everything overpowering and headache inducing, and nausea, plus i'm sure theres plenty more!
The birth is traumatic to the body regardless if it is vaginal or a section, even peeing will likely bring you to tears for a few days, nevermind sex. You need to take at least 6 weeks sex free, possibly longer. Then there's a little human being completely dependent on you for survival who has to come first, whether it's your first, second, fifth etc, it's all the same ammount of work. Between feeds at all hours, nappy changes, baths, comforting them to sleep, soothing them when they get upset with no identifiable cause, and of course bonding time, there just aren't enough hours in the day. You'll struggle at first at least to find a spare 5 minutes for a shower or a power nap, never mind sex! Even once you pass the newborn, baby and toddler stages of complete dependence they'll become your shadow, I don't have a single friend who is a parent that can even nip for a wee without their toddlers/young children as an audience and being pestered the whole time.
Oh no! And I had been given my husband a hard time because I was so horny during my latest pregnancy and he wasn't interested. I think to be in your situation would be worse, tell him to wise up-you're growing a little human inside you, he should appreciate that no end!
I have just recently given birth and unfortunately had to have stitches :-( Aside from the tiny baby that needs our constant attention, I'm still in pain and sex is the last thing on my mind and imagine it will remain like that until my 6week check-in the earliest!!
I agree with most of the responses in here. Not sure why he can't just respect that you're not in the mood even, regardless of all the other complications. And gosh, is he in for a shock once baby arrives. I remember after my first the midwives at hospital gave me a bag a condoms, I laughed and asked 'what for? He's not coming near me for weeks!' and then left them at the hospital! Hope all goes well with your pregnancy, and that your OH can start to empathise with how you're feeling x