My OH and I aren't trying to get pregnant. We're both at university and have agreed to continue using contraception until next year.
However, we've had scares in the past, and at the moment she's been feeling sick for a few days, and someone at worked said she's pregnant - we doubt this because she only finished her period a few days ago ( around the time she began feeling sick ).
Any how, I want kids. I can't wait for the whole pregnancy and kids thing, but that doesn't mean it doesn't scare me when these things happen.
She text me before saying I could go get a pregnancy test if I wanted ( whilst she was at work ). I said no because we could do it tomorrow together and because it scares me to buy one, i get nervous about the ifs and maybes of having kids.
Problem is my OH doesn't understand these nerves, says I don't want kids or ain't ready. I want her to know just how ready I am, doesn't mean I won't get nervous - I'll always get nervous.
I have insecurities about whether I can get her pregnant - a lot of problems with my parents conceiving me etc - so she just makes me feel worse when she says these things, and I don't think she understands that she's doing it.
Just once I'd like to know we can get pregnant, I'd love to fall pregnant with her, it would be a dream come true. I know that you can't know if you can get pregnant until you actually become pregnant, but you understand the feelings.
I just don't want her to doubt my readiness or anything. Maybe she's putting her fears of pregnancy on to me but even still it hurts like hell.
J
I understand where your coming from. When I got pregnant I didn't feel excited like how I had before (I lost one a few years back) I was terrified! When the 1st trimester was over I still couldn't get excited because it was a horribly difficult pregnancy.
This is just my pregnancy though, nothing to say your partner and yours will be the same. If it is a hard pregnancy make sure you have support as well as she does just because your a man doesn't make it easier for you to go through!
Then there's the whole kids part, they worry you to death! Doing things they shouldn't, trying to do things they shouldn't, if they don't look or feel right etc etc. The giggles and that bond, the cuddles on the sofa watching cartoons are all worth it. Ask anymother. x
Tell her you want children with her badly but you know now is not the right time. You want the time to be perfect.... Finished uni and jobs etc so you can give her and your child or children everything you dream of doing.
I had a pregnancy scare when I was you get and at uni. I was terrified I was pregnant and when I told the guy and seen te panic in his face I was so angry at him that he clearly didn't see that future with me. I think all girls just like to hear that the man they are with see a future with them. Hearing the father of my two children telling me for the first time that he wanted that type of future with me was amazing and I won't forget it.
If you find it hard to talk to her maybe write it in a letter. The fact that you take the time to write a letter for her or even an email is romantic and it's something she can keep forever.
Tell her you want children with her badly but you know now is not the right time. You want the time to be perfect.... Finished uni and jobs etc so you can give her and your child or children everything you dream of doing.
I had a pregnancy scare when I was you get and at uni. I was terrified I was pregnant and when I told the guy and seen te panic in his face I was so angry at him that he clearly didn't see that future with me. I think all girls just like to hear that the man they are with see a future with them. Hearing the father of my two children telling me for the first time that he wanted that type of future with me was amazing and I won't forget it.
If you find it hard to talk to her maybe write it in a letter. The fact that you take the time to write a letter for her or even an email is romantic and it's something she can keep forever.
A letter is a good idea, let her know that you do want kids but want to be able to give them all they need first.
It took me 7 years of trying to get pregnant then another 2 years before a live birth. I don't think I was ready even then. Get the test together and be there for her when she does it, if it is a positive treat it positively , yes it will be tough. Parenting is at the best of times but it is doable.
When I was at uni a fellow student used to bring her newborn in with her, sit at the back of class and feed her if needed. There are 2 of you if you are in lectures at different times you can do this, or look for childcare close to the campus.
xGGx
Getting pergnant Is your worst nightmare when you're not ready for it, and not getting pregnant is your worst nightmare when you want to get pregnant.
All you can do is take precautions and if you think you're not protected (eg: condom splitting or coming off, of having a bug that causes sickness or diarrhea while on the pill, get the morning after pill from your GP).
Having said all that if you have sex you always have the risk of pregnancy which is why its a good idea to think about who you have sex with.
As you are in a stable and loving relationship, even though the timing isn't ideal it wouldn't be a dissaster and there is a lot of help and support financially and for parents who want to continue with education so there would always be a way to get through it.
It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious about parenthood no matter what age you’re at! Especially if it’s an unplanned pregnancy and the timing isn’t right.
A lot of women feel sick after their period and with the weather we’ve had recently, sun stroke could come into play too. Has she done a test yet? That’s the only sure fire way to know.
I’m sorry to hear she’s upsetting you. I’m sure she doesn’t mean too at all. It would be very stressful being pregnant and at university so it’s probably just worries about that and the fact she’s feeling sick that is causing her to say those things rather than anything you’re doing. I guess just having a big heart to heart and telling her you do want children and when then time comes you will be ready for that step, but just not yet, and that’s why your concerned could help.
Regarding trouble conceiving, please try not to worry. Easier said than done I know. As you said “you can't know if you can get pregnant until you actually become pregnant”. You never know if you can have kids until you start trying the majority of the time, unless you know you have an underlying condition. I might not be able to conceive and it really upsets me sometimes and I just feel I can’t do what I was biologically designed to do for my OH. But I always try to look on the positive side; I talk openly about it with my OH and in all honesty it’s bought us closer together than ever before and I’m at the stage now where I can imagine us being happy both with and without children which is a HUGE step for me. In saying that, if I can, I would like to have a family, so there are plenty of things to help me boost my chances e.g eating healthy, increasing exercise, taking certain medications and supplements from my GP.
You could always talk to your parents about their difficulties if you’re worried? That might help put your mind at rest. Seeing your GP is always a good option too if you’re worried about it. Even if your OH doesn’t understand these worries, its important you speak to someone who does. I would of gone nuts if I didn’t talk about it with my friends and OH! Plus you don’t want to be worrying about this whilst you’re at UNI! Enjoy the experience of it while you can :)
For some people it takes a long to time get pregnant and some people unfortunately can’t but according to the NHS website 95/100 couples will conceive within two years of trying! So likelihood is if you’re young, fit and healthy you will be one of those 95. If not there are some wonderful doctors out there, new treatments and drugs are being developed all the time and IVF live birth rates are highest ever. And there are some wonderful stories too of people managing after a long time like Ghostgirl!
I hope this helps and please try not to worry. And I hope your girlfriend feels better soon Xx
Update for y'all.
My OH feels better today, we joked about purchasing a pregnancy test - partly for finding out and partly for the experience of a test lol - so i purchased a cheap one today and she used it.
Negative.
Anyway, she opened up about maybe not being ready and when someone suggeested to her if she was pregnant it kind of shocked her into thinking about it, realising she may not be ready. We spoke opnely about it throughout the day today, she apologised for her previous comments and we discussed how we both want it and would of been happy with the result of the test either way, however, negative was better circumstantially for now.
We have already made the joint decision that my OH will end contraception when she graduates from university next year. Overall we're definitevely happy with our lives and future plans, and know it will all work out.
She comes from a very fertile family and I can honestly not wait for her to finish contraception - i feel sorry for her taking the pill every day for the last like 3 years +.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice, it's great to hear other peoples stories and experiences.
I always wish everyone the best of luck in this department.
J
That's good to hear LTC! Xx
LTC that is good to hear,
Word of advice, when you have your first ( and I am sure you will) please listen to the nurse who gives you the contraceptive lecture the following day.
I didn't, having taken so long to get pregnant I figured I wasn't very fertile.
My youngest wasn't planned 
we were talking about having another go but were not ready at that time. She was born 6 weeks before my first should have turned 3 and just 16 months after her sister.
So I understand why your OH reacted the way she did at the possibility of being pregnant before she was ready to be.
xGGx
That's really good to heard TLC :)
maybe she's scared because of everything else that is happening around, especially if she goes back to uni and its her last year and the pressure of graduating and whatever else
Glad you both talked. Good luck with your final year and hope the baby making goes well next year . Just enjoy practicing between now and then