I’m currently in my first ‘serious’ relationship. I’ve had some sexual experience in the past but actually had sex for the first time with her about 3 weeks ago. I know it isn’t expected to last long first time and I’m a relative late starter so I wasn’t too worried initially but how long/how many more times should we be expecting the same result? It’s been 3 - 4 times now and it’s no easier. It’s strarting to get in the way of a good thing but don’t know if I’m worrying unecessarily at this stage. Do we start trying things to ‘fix’ it or is it too soon. Some reassurance would be good but any advice would be appreciated.
Hi Alicia and thanks for the link. I will give anything a go so that post might be a big help but I’m hoping it won’t even come to that to be honest and it will just get easier. At the moment I’m nowhere near that average although I think I’m fine right up until sex actually starts. Nearly all the advice I’ve read is aimed at people who get this thing ‘occasionally’ or ‘from time to time’. I just have no idea at all how many times it should take after the first time before it gets easier / improves naturally?
I’ve actually read your previous post again (and the replies) and realised it’s actually the best advice I’ve found so far. The only issue I’ve got is getting past the ‘starting point’ so we can put some of it into practice. Nearly every time so far that’s the point it’s happening so it’s been almost over before it started. That has to be just ‘getting used to it’ right?
Hi Drew.
There are many many factors that can cause premature ejaculation, and there are many things to try to be able to counter it.
I would suggest googling the subject, reading forums where people who have similar issues have posted. There is lots of advice to be found.
Alicia has given excellant advice in the link, re read it over and over. There are toys here that are designed to help with this as well, which may be worth looking at.
You are not alone, there are many men out there that have such issues and as such there are some great techniques that can be adopted to counter premature ejaculation.
My experience, when I was in my teens I used to want to orgasm quite quickly with my first long term girlfreind,not premature, but sooner than I wanted to. One thing I used to do to counter this was to put my mind far away from what I was actually doing, I used to think about different things. Yes it took the fun out of it for me for a short period, but I was actually teaching myself to be more controlled. Over time I no longer had to think of anything else.
That is what I did, it may not work you, by reading lots of available information you will learn of different things to try.
I almost didn’t post on here but I’m glad I did now, thanks to all your suggestions. I wasn’t sure if I was struggling any more than ‘normal’ for the first few times but realistically it sounds like I probably am. There’s a lot to take in but it’s good to get it from two different perspectives and really it’s so much more helpful than anything else I’ve been able to find. If anything it’s a question of where to start with so much advice but I’ll see how it goes. I am OK with masturbation Alicia, even ‘edging’ before up to a point so I’m less worried with that in mind. I’m also OK with other things, foreplay etc. Like you say it is only when I’m actually ‘in’ so it puts it in perspective really. You’re right about it being seconds as well though so basically I’m getting the ‘point of no return’ as soon as I’m in so there’s just a few seconds before it actually happens which isn’t much time to work on anything. We haven’t tried second / third goes so far but that’s really because It’s been a bit of a let down and the mood hasn’t been right. Got something like a plan now though.
Thicker condoms may help in the short term? I think one forum member has said they put two on when with a new partner as the excitement can get a bit much.
We actually haven’t had to use any - we’ve known each other as friends for a long time (and for other reasons) but basically they’re not necessary.
drew711 wrote:
We actually haven’t had to use any - we’ve known each other as friends for a long time (and for other reasons) but basically they’re not necessary.
I think Ian Chimp was reffering to reducing sensativity by wearing condoms.
DanceswithPenguins wrote:
drew711 wrote:
We actually haven’t had to use any - we’ve known each other as friends for a long time (and for other reasons) but basically they’re not necessary.
I think Ian Chimp was reffering to reducing sensativity by wearing condoms.
That'd be my first thought. I last a lot longer if I pop one on. If it works you can always whip it off when you're ready to finish if pregnancy and STDs, etc aren't an issue? 👍
OK, maybe I’ve been missing the obvious...we talked about it but only from a ‘protection’ point if view. And I’ve probably bought into the idea they don’t make much difference ‘feeling-wise’ as well. Maybe a ‘quick fix’ until it gets easier though so thanks.
drew711 wrote:
OK, maybe I’ve been missing the obvious...we talked about it but only from a ‘protection’ point if view. And I’ve probably bought into the idea they don’t make much difference ‘feeling-wise’ as well. Maybe a ‘quick fix’ until it gets easier though so thanks.
If you've not tried it yet it's definitely worth a go. The thicker they are the more they'll muffle the sensation. You can even get delay ones with a bit of numbing agent inside too for extra help (though if you whip it off before finishing remember to give yourself a quick babywipe as you don't want her to be numb for no reason 🙂). If you pick up a variety pack you could try thick and thin and see if any work for you?
If it's a case of it just feels so good (because, you know, it really does 🙂) then I find more sex helps. When Mrs Chimp had the twins we didn't have sex for quite a while, and then when we did it just felt so super awesome I was done as soon as I slipped it in. 🙂 But regular sex gave me my stamina back after not too long, and condoms helped bridge the gap (still do, if I'm honest 🙂).
Good luck with whatever you choose though. 🙂👍
Have you tried different positions, I find missionary harder to control than her on top. And familiarity helps so have as much sex as possible and you’ll likely find it’s not quite such a novel experience that you gain some control. Failing that there’s delay sprays and penis sleeves/extensions that null the feeling. Good luck, many of us have been there before you.
Think it happens to every man at some point or other. Sex with my current partner started off the same way. Some PE, some loss of erection when getting a condom on for a good 3 or 4 weeks.
Don't put pressure on it. It happens, I am fortunate that my girlfriend is very kinky and if I came early she "punished" me by making me do what she said until she came, which meant she came, we both still had a good time and I didnt feel pressure to thrust away like a stud for 10 mins like all men seem to think they have to (I hasten to add punish does not mean humiliate, it was just a bit of fun where if I came early we laughed it off and she then instructed me on what to do to her. It worked for me, might not work for everyone :) ). Turn it into a game or put it down to experience. The less you make of it the better. The more we had sex the better it all got and since then (6 years ago) I last anywhere between 5 and 30 minutes. Don't get me wrong theres many occaisions I come early, sometimes before I even get inside, but its funny, I make a joke of it, and get the toy box out for her and carry on in other ways. Sex ain't all about the thrustin'!
A lot of that comes down to how turned on I am, the position we have sex in, if I am stressed by work, if I have had a few weeks away from the gym etc. My physical and mental health I think is key, if I feel good and have a good routine, I feel better about sex.
Nibble, I am exactly the same with missionary and on top. I last so much longer in doggy or cowgirl than missionary.
Find what works for you mate and stick to it, and be assured in the fact that 100% of men will have come early before and it is okay.
I also have a fleshlight now for when she is away to keep stamina up.
We haven’t really tried different positions, haven’t had that many chances. Didn’t make any difference so far but it’s early days I think. I think I was expecting a quick first go then all fine. Sounds like a more gradual process.someone early said it a case of feeling too good - that’s exactly right so maybe it’s just going to take longer than I hoped but it’ll be worth it.
As I've posted elsewhere, I used to have this problem in my dating days whenever I was with a new partner - I'd get so excited that as soon as I was inside her there was an irresistible urge to cum. So I started using Durex Performa condoms the first few times with someone new. They work by dulling sensation, but I didn't find that a problem as I was so glad not to disappoint my partner. After going for a while I'd take off the condom and put an ordinary one on and go back ino her and thrust to ejaculation. Obviously, if you don't need condoms for protection you just take the Performa off and go back in bare. Just another idea that might help!
In the paper just today there's some new device that sticks(Just a pad) that uses basically a Tens machine to help slow things down between the base of the penis and the anus ?
Hi, all. We've had some better results since last post on here...not quite there yet but better so thanks for all the advice.
Congratulations! Keep on enjoying your practicing 😁
Congratulations and happy loving 
All good advice from previous about using condoms and the link to the blog. A book I can recommend is: Multi-orgasmic Man : Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know. Good luck.