Question around squirting/gushing...

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi All,

So, little bit of a random one for ladies that squirt or gush. I'm not quite sure how to word this all properly, but be patient and I hope you understand what I'm trying to find out.

Before my OH met me, she had no idea she could do this - have 'very wet orgasms' as she refers to it. She really enjoys, and for me it is a massive turn on, especially whilst giving oral at same time! However, the OH doesn't find them as intense as 'normal' orgasms, she doesn't feel that same level of release.

I have found I focus on her having wet orgasms, but after she is getting a little frustrated that she is not then able to have 'normal' orgasms after (clit or internal). She has got a little in her head around it and starting to think she is 'broken', and I really don't want her to feel that way.

The obvious thing would be to experiment a little, and see how things go without giving her 'wet orgasms', but was intrigued to see if others had any insight into this. I hate to think my quest for a paddling pool is depriving the OH, and I don't want to make matters worse.

So my question is when a lady squirts or gushes, does that perhaps change sensitivity around other orgasms?

Wow, I feel like an absolute newbie with way I have written this, but obviously dont have the advantage of knowing how things feel for ladies, and not wanting post to sound crude or ignorant. Any insight would be very helpful, thanks in advance!

2

There's actually a great thread on this from a while back that you might find useful. 👍

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1770188-are-they-the-same/

3

Hi Ian,

Thanks very much, a very useful and informative thread!

Unfortunately didn't have the answer I am looking for in there. It confirmed what we knew, that squirting is not always a result of orgasm.

What I'm keen to understand is this scenario I guess:

My OH has been squirting, but has not achieved orgasm. Squirting is a result of a build up of liquid in a gland (forget the name). Does that process of the build up and release change how stimulation affects a lady in terms of say a clitorial or internal orgasm? I.e. would the internal swelling of the gland prevent other 'hot spots' being reached, or does it feel different?

I've touched on it in conversation with my OH but I don't want to push too much for answers as dont want her to get 'in her head' about it all, which would then stop her from relaxing and enjoying as she does. If anyone has any further advice or info around this would be most grateful - yet reading the other thread, I wonder if it is even something people would think about. Or of course if I'm even making sense with what I'm trying to ask ha ha

4

You don't sound crude at all, you worded it v politely! There's a big difference between ignorant and uninformed - "you don't know unless you ask", remember :) x I can relate to her situation :) I posted a couple of years ago after having a full on porn style 'launching' squirt. I tend to get very wet without orgasm and had been told years ago I'd squirted when I'd truly soaked a bed, but it wasn't the porn/launch thing so I didn't think I had - to me, I just got very excited. VERY VERY EXCITED. (FYI there was no orgasm.) I was seeing someone earlier this year who loved girls squirting and said he knew exactly what he was doing - obv didn't believe a word of it. But WOWZER, he got me completely hooked to the point I'd make him make it happen numerous times before he could have any real attention haha Thankfully he really got off on doing it so it wasn't a hard sell for me haha It definitely ISN'T the same feeling for me either. I don't "orgasm" but I do find it incredibly intense and enjoyable. I feel like I COULD orgasm during a squirting session but it hasn't happened as yet. Does that make sense? I have no clue what a guy could compare it to. Is there something you find overwhelming and great but wouldn't make you orgasm but you don't care that you don't orgasm?

How to fix this... I'm NOT criticising your technique - you know how to get her to do it, so you're already way ahead of loads of guys here! Perhaps you could find a way that she may enjoy more mentally, so it isn't just this one physical reaction and she feels she gained more from it so isn't 'broken'? Personally, the not coming from it doesn't bother me (although I do feel like I could but it never happens - does she have this too?) You may just need to find her personal trigger. For me: Guys have used fingers on me and I've been bored, they've used tongue and I've been bored, some have even found my gspot and I've not orgasmed or squirted!!!! With the recent guy, he only used 3 fingers but I found it was the experience as a whole that made me enjoy it as his way of making it happen is perfectly matched with the style of sex I like - I like being dominated or a guy being rough. But that wouldn't work for every woman. I haven't noticed any difference in orgasming later on once moving away from squirting or things that make me do it, although I don't orgasm every time anyway. I actually don't mind just feeling very content and calm, even if orgasms every time would be appreciated haha - I had thought this was my issue (mental health and medication) as it's a bit 50-50 on whether I will orgasm with a guy, even if I haven't squirted.

Sorry this was so long, but I hope I've been a bit useful?

5

When I squirt, it doesn't feel like an orgasm but its own thing. More like a build-up of pressure that needs to be released. I can only seem to do this with certain toys and even then, it's not always a guarantee I will. Curved firm toys tend to do the trick (especially if they vibrate). This is my go to squirt toy which gets a result most of the time:

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35523

After squirting, I'll always continue on and have myself a clitoral orgasm. It doesn't feel less intense because I squirted earlier from what I can tell and I don't have trouble achieving it. I'm not sure what to suggest for her. Maybe she needs a moment to rest before continuing on? Or maybe she can practice by herself? For me, I find it hard to orgasm when my partner is with me but have no trouble when I'm by myself.

6

I need some rest between squirting and a clitoral orgasm. I find that we need to leave my pussy alone completely for a few minutes and concentrate on something else, and then I'm able to cum.

If I try to go straight on without a small break, I won't cum, and that is frustrating. Even licking my pussy after squirting doesn't count as leaving it alone, so often, I get licked out after squirting, then move on to maybe some ass worship or a kink not involving my pussy, before returning to pussy play for my orgasm.

I hope that might work for you too.

7

Sorry for delayed reply back, thank you very much - most informative, and defo useful WaitingForMagic!

I think in a lot of that you describe what my OH experiences - in herself she feels content, but feels very close and doesn't happen, and then she gets frustrated about it all - the funny thing is she feels its dissapointing me becuase as she doesnt quite make it.

I have reassured her that all I care about is her enjoyment, and she does enjoy it very much - but she has some head stuff going on about not being enough, she's not good enough etc., (to the point where I have said to her for now we cut back on the kink and focus on making her feel better about herself without the added pressure she puts on herself). She gets the feeling she is close to orgasm, then of course gets in her head and it goes. This is where the 'I'm broken' comes into it, and oviously it's that downhill spiral from there, and becomes a bigger issue. I encourage her to not worry about it and just enjoy the moments. She does have orgasms, and some are quite intense, but seems like if she has quirted she is less likely too. She also has mixed squirts too, sometimes the porn style wall soaking (not quite to that extreme, but you get the picture), and other times more a wet patch that resembles a paddling pool!

Re technique, yes I agree, for me I want and focus on her to enjoy the experience more than anything. It isn't something where I only focus on making her squirt, as much as that in itself turns me on. I try and remove all pressure and let her enjoy the ride, wherever that takes us both.

So for now, to try and defuse it all, I leave the sex stuff in her hands - if she wants then obv I am more than happy to endulge and give her anything she likes. But I no longer initiate, although make sure I pay her compliements and remind her how sexy she is etc., so she doesn't think I'm getting bored with her - head stuff can be a minefield, I'm just grateful I have a good understanding around things and hope I do the right things by her.

Thanks very much for taking time to reply, all very helpful information for me!

8

waitingformagic wrote:

You don't sound crude at all, you worded it v politely! There's a big difference between ignorant and uninformed - "you don't know unless you ask", remember :) x I can relate to her situation :) I posted a couple of years ago after having a full on porn style 'launching' squirt. I tend to get very wet without orgasm and had been told years ago I'd squirted when I'd truly soaked a bed, but it wasn't the porn/launch thing so I didn't think I had - to me, I just got very excited. VERY VERY EXCITED. (FYI there was no orgasm.) I was seeing someone earlier this year who loved girls squirting and said he knew exactly what he was doing - obv didn't believe a word of it. But WOWZER, he got me completely hooked to the point I'd make him make it happen numerous times before he could have any real attention haha Thankfully he really got off on doing it so it wasn't a hard sell for me haha It definitely ISN'T the same feeling for me either. I don't "orgasm" but I do find it incredibly intense and enjoyable. I feel like I COULD orgasm during a squirting session but it hasn't happened as yet. Does that make sense? I have no clue what a guy could compare it to. Is there something you find overwhelming and great but wouldn't make you orgasm but you don't care that you don't orgasm?

How to fix this... I'm NOT criticising your technique - you know how to get her to do it, so you're already way ahead of loads of guys here! Perhaps you could find a way that she may enjoy more mentally, so it isn't just this one physical reaction and she feels she gained more from it so isn't 'broken'? Personally, the not coming from it doesn't bother me (although I do feel like I could but it never happens - does she have this too?) You may just need to find her personal trigger. For me: Guys have used fingers on me and I've been bored, they've used tongue and I've been bored, some have even found my gspot and I've not orgasmed or squirted!!!! With the recent guy, he only used 3 fingers but I found it was the experience as a whole that made me enjoy it as his way of making it happen is perfectly matched with the style of sex I like - I like being dominated or a guy being rough. But that wouldn't work for every woman. I haven't noticed any difference in orgasming later on once moving away from squirting or things that make me do it, although I don't orgasm every time anyway. I actually don't mind just feeling very content and calm, even if orgasms every time would be appreciated haha - I had thought this was my issue (mental health and medication) as it's a bit 50-50 on whether I will orgasm with a guy, even if I haven't squirted.

Sorry this was so long, but I hope I've been a bit useful?

It wouldnt let me qoute this with my above reply, but thank you vm, most informative!

9

HunnyMonster29 wrote:

When I squirt, it doesn't feel like an orgasm but its own thing. More like a build-up of pressure that needs to be released. I can only seem to do this with certain toys and even then, it's not always a guarantee I will. Curved firm toys tend to do the trick (especially if they vibrate). This is my go to squirt toy which gets a result most of the time:

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35523

After squirting, I'll always continue on and have myself a clitoral orgasm. It doesn't feel less intense because I squirted earlier from what I can tell and I don't have trouble achieving it. I'm not sure what to suggest for her. Maybe she needs a moment to rest before continuing on? Or maybe she can practice by herself? For me, I find it hard to orgasm when my partner is with me but have no trouble when I'm by myself.

Thank you, I think that when kink returns to full flow again (see my bigger post) perhaps a rest is what is needed. I think she is similar where with certain toys and in the mood to play solo, she can be done in under a minute with orgasm - but cannot make herself squirt. OH thinks I have a god-like charm as never happened before meeting me, I just happen to be very selfless and love to please.

Even then, finds it harder to orgasm with me, and makes absolute sense really as she is not as relaxed. Being relaxed and comfortable with oneself is key I think.

Maybe after squirting I need to encourage her to play with me for a while as 'rest time'. I'll suggest more solo exploration when she is a little less self conscious.

Thanks again for your help!

10

KinkyMira wrote:

I need some rest between squirting and a clitoral orgasm. I find that we need to leave my pussy alone completely for a few minutes and concentrate on something else, and then I'm able to cum.

If I try to go straight on without a small break, I won't cum, and that is frustrating. Even licking my pussy after squirting doesn't count as leaving it alone, so often, I get licked out after squirting, then move on to maybe some ass worship or a kink not involving my pussy, before returning to pussy play for my orgasm.

I hope that might work for you too.

Thank you Mira, I think this is defo what we need to try. Admittedly, I do love playing with her puss in anyway poss so I need a little more discipline around it ha ha

Makes very good sense as you;ve wrote it though, things perhaps just need a little while to normalise - and I guess that is what I was trying to work out. This describes how she feels, and as close as she gets, she just cannot get over the line and have that moment.

11

Mr_Kink wrote:

Sorry for delayed reply back, thank you very much - most informative, and defo useful WaitingForMagic!

I think in a lot of that you describe what my OH experiences - in herself she feels content, but feels very close and doesn't happen, and then she gets frustrated about it all - the funny thing is she feels its dissapointing me becuase as she doesnt quite make it.

I have reassured her that all I care about is her enjoyment, and she does enjoy it very much - but she has some head stuff going on about not being enough, she's not good enough etc., (to the point where I have said to her for now we cut back on the kink and focus on making her feel better about herself without the added pressure she puts on herself). She gets the feeling she is close to orgasm, then of course gets in her head and it goes. This is where the 'I'm broken' comes into it, and oviously it's that downhill spiral from there, and becomes a bigger issue. I encourage her to not worry about it and just enjoy the moments. She does have orgasms, and some are quite intense, but seems like if she has quirted she is less likely too. She also has mixed squirts too, sometimes the porn style wall soaking (not quite to that extreme, but you get the picture), and other times more a wet patch that resembles a paddling pool!

Re technique, yes I agree, for me I want and focus on her to enjoy the experience more than anything. It isn't something where I only focus on making her squirt, as much as that in itself turns me on. I try and remove all pressure and let her enjoy the ride, wherever that takes us both.

So for now, to try and defuse it all, I leave the sex stuff in her hands - if she wants then obv I am more than happy to endulge and give her anything she likes. But I no longer initiate, although make sure I pay her compliements and remind her how sexy she is etc., so she doesn't think I'm getting bored with her - head stuff can be a minefield, I'm just grateful I have a good understanding around things and hope I do the right things by her.

Thanks very much for taking time to reply, all very helpful information for me!

Glad my post was useful to you, I go on a bit hahaha I get how she feels with being too 'in her own head' - the more you think about it, the less likely it is to happen. I know this might sound a little crazy but bear with me haha... Have you guys considered it's possible that you're being too nice about it and that's more pressure for her??? Compliments and reassurance are certainly welcome and show you're not an arse but I started thinking about my own issues and realised there were times I found it made it more stressful. A boyfriend telling me I'm beautiful mid-session once set me into a downward spiral surprisingly! You don't even have to be all "come for me, right now!" - just being told 'this time it's all about you' can feel like a lot of pressure - it's nice someone wants it that way, but it also creates a wave of thoughts about what if you don't come when expected, or at all! Perhaps being a bit less vocal about how much you care, and acting a little more selfish, diverting attention away from the focus of her pleasure a little could be an idea? Not being like it's all about you, but just not fussing over her. Does this make any sense? I'm not sure it's reading as well as it sounds in my head! xx

12

Damn this forum at times - I cannot quote a reply as I think too many characters, I guess that means we've both gone on a bit!

That does make a lot of sense actually, in a way just don't treat it like a thing at all? I tend to try that, hence me asking the question on here rather than debating with the OH and building more pressure. The complimenting and being nice bits are more outside of the bedroom, just normal life stuff, like if we're going out and things - any chats and talk between us and supporting bits come after shes got in her head, rather than before if that makes sense. And of course me trying to work this out without adding to the issues. So although being very vocal with my thoughts on here and mindful of my actions with OH, I'm not making that a known thing with the OH - or at least I didnt think I was.

For kink nights she likes a good spanking before being tied up and blindfolded - sweet talk kinda kills that vibe ha ha. I think even then though she knows I'm quite sensitive to her needs and comfort - I'll try mixing that up a little, will keep her on her toes too ha ha

I think the timing is defo a thing though. Last night stayed over she had very intense O's without any probs and no squirting (not a kink night though). So I think there is a link, at this moment it seems it's either intense O or squirt, but not both.

At some point I will try the above suggestion of a 'puss break' after squirting or orgasm and see if the other happens after. All fun and games in the quest of knowledge and understanding.

13

waitingformagic wrote:

Mr_Kink wrote:

Sorry for delayed reply back, thank you very much - most informative, and defo useful WaitingForMagic!

I think in a lot of that you describe what my OH experiences - in herself she feels content, but feels very close and doesn't happen, and then she gets frustrated about it all - the funny thing is she feels its dissapointing me becuase as she doesnt quite make it.

I have reassured her that all I care about is her enjoyment, and she does enjoy it very much - but she has some head stuff going on about not being enough, she's not good enough etc., (to the point where I have said to her for now we cut back on the kink and focus on making her feel better about herself without the added pressure she puts on herself). She gets the feeling she is close to orgasm, then of course gets in her head and it goes. This is where the 'I'm broken' comes into it, and oviously it's that downhill spiral from there, and becomes a bigger issue. I encourage her to not worry about it and just enjoy the moments. She does have orgasms, and some are quite intense, but seems like if she has quirted she is less likely too. She also has mixed squirts too, sometimes the porn style wall soaking (not quite to that extreme, but you get the picture), and other times more a wet patch that resembles a paddling pool!

Re technique, yes I agree, for me I want and focus on her to enjoy the experience more than anything. It isn't something where I only focus on making her squirt, as much as that in itself turns me on. I try and remove all pressure and let her enjoy the ride, wherever that takes us both.

So for now, to try and defuse it all, I leave the sex stuff in her hands - if she wants then obv I am more than happy to endulge and give her anything she likes. But I no longer initiate, although make sure I pay her compliements and remind her how sexy she is etc., so she doesn't think I'm getting bored with her - head stuff can be a minefield, I'm just grateful I have a good understanding around things and hope I do the right things by her.

Thanks very much for taking time to reply, all very helpful information for me!

Glad my post was useful to you, I go on a bit hahaha I get how she feels with being too 'in her own head' - the more you think about it, the less likely it is to happen. I know this might sound a little crazy but bear with me haha... Have you guys considered it's possible that you're being too nice about it and that's more pressure for her??? Compliments and reassurance are certainly welcome and show you're not an arse but I started thinking about my own issues and realised there were times I found it made it more stressful. A boyfriend telling me I'm beautiful mid-session once set me into a downward spiral surprisingly! You don't even have to be all "come for me, right now!" - just being told 'this time it's all about you' can feel like a lot of pressure - it's nice someone wants it that way, but it also creates a wave of thoughts about what if you don't come when expected, or at all! Perhaps being a bit less vocal about how much you care, and acting a little more selfish, diverting attention away from the focus of her pleasure a little could be an idea? Not being like it's all about you, but just not fussing over her. Does this make any sense? I'm not sure it's reading as well as it sounds in my head! xx

See above reply :-)