Im in a bit of a mental fix. I've been exploring using anal play on myself for some time, just the normal things really e.g finger, dildo and vibrator, and I recently bought a butt plug (the njoy Pure Plug Medium.) I'd like to have a converaation with my OH about my enjoyement of anal play and mayby start introducing it onto our regular nocturnal activities as I've never had the opertunity to give it a go during sex. We have a really good relationship and a happy sex life, but Im worried how she will take it, I know she's not keen on partaking herself and thats cool. Has anyone else had a similer experience and how did you approach it?
I was in a similar situation and already had established that my OH didnt want to be on the recieving end of any anal action. Instead of talking it through upfront , since I didnt think the conversation would have the outcome I wanted and would then be difficult to broach the subject again, I decided to take the plunge and buy quite an expensive and sexy strapon harness and dildo and leave it as a surprise for her to recieve while i was away. I think because the harness and dildo were quite girly in soft pink leather and a plain no hostile looking dildo, it was easier for her to see it as beautify item rather than a huge dong tied to a pair of briefs so she was not immediately put off by the look of the toys. My OH also liked the fact that if she was doing my arse, i wouldnt be doing hers!
Anyway, it did take her a while to come to grips with the idea that I enjoy anal fun but am pefrectly straight , although she never said that out aloud. I'm sure she was wondering if my orientation was changing so I reassured her that I am 100% only interested in her and want her to satisfy my manly anal desires.
It was a leap of faith to begin with and I guess that's what you will need to take either by telling her straight-up, or as a light hearted joke to test the waters if that would be easier. The fact is that loads of blokes and woman enjoy anal sex and have done so for hundreds of years so there is nothing to be embarrased about asking for it. The worst that can happen is she says no, but .... If she says yes, you are in for a world of pleasure
Thanks b52, I like your idea of getting an anal toy and giving it as a gift, though I don't think it would be a strap on, pegging is something that I'm not interested in. I may though buy a nice vibrating butt plug and have it delivered while I'm away.
Firstly I suppose everyone is different, and likes different things. So long as neither person does anything they don't want to there's no big deal.
For me, I'd been struggling to define my sexuality since a young age, tried a drunken one night stand with a bloke which mixed things up further. Eventually decided I was straight but with marginal bi-curious tendancies. Met and married wife of eight years now, she had worried a little last year after I mentioned I would like being touched by her 'there'. This was left with no further action until last week when I fessed up to everything after she gave me a life changing event with the LH wand set. She had had time to think things through and was completely cool with it.
Later in the week she admitted that she had fantisized about being with another woman and had just not told me as she thought it was completely normal for a girl, ( in addition to fantisizing about, MMF, FFM and watching me with another person, mainly female but also male).
Mehh I should have plucked up the courage to tell her years ago, (did try many times but never the right time / she wasn't ready to hear it).
Bottom line I suppose is so long as you trust her not to tell everyone else you know (or are cool with that) just go for it, but be aware that these things take time to mull over so I guess don't expect to get a seeing to the same day. Better to talk and not put the pressure on to do it straightaway.
For us/me the LH wand set with the g-spot attachment was amazing and I guess easier for a female to retain a dissassociation from the questioning of boyfriends/husbands sexuality and the act of stuffing a dildo into him. (You could also try the biology lesson explainig that your prostate is essentially the same as the G-spot gland, in addition to male sex extending well into the body, ie it's still directly stimulating the sex organ, just the other end to normal).
Only you know your relationship dynamic. We can just give ideas. Personally, we're very open, me more so than OH but he's figuring it out, so I just ask, if he says no, ok and let it go, yes, whoooo! Maybe, I can tell if it's a no maybe or an actual maybe maybe so proceed gently. What's the worst that can happen?
I've unfortunately just had a very wonderfully experimental relationship end. My ex was great when I told her I liked cabal play. On the other side a convo with mostly drunk people came up the other night where two if the girls thought a nan who likes but plugs was likely to cheat on them with a man.
Unfortunately people have weird hang ups. But I think as well as just general tryst, realising that explaining WHY you like anal play cab help your partner.
For be initually it just made me more sensitive and orgasms greater if I had the extra stimulation.explain it like that and its biological rather than "homosexual" and allows a concerned partner a way to ease in. It won't take long fir then to realise its natural
If you find face to face talking difficult, i've always found it much, much easier to get my thoughts and feelings out and conveyed the way i mean it in a nice letter. I also find reading a letter as opposed to having someone tell me something that is potentially shocking face to face can give me time to fully absorb it and understand better than in that knee jerk reaction time of having it said to you. It would also give her the oppertunity to stop reading and start again in her own time, when she feels ready to continue, and fully digest what it is you want to tell her, and maybe go over it a few times too to properly understand. It's usually better to give it to hem as you'r going out, or leave it for them when you leave to see and read while you're elsewhere, then be prepared for a hopefully calm discussion and willing to answer any questions she may have later. Personally i think the just buying a toy and leaving it out could have a very negative effect on some people, i know i personally would not like to find out that way if my boyfriend wanted to introduce anal play. Atleast in a letter you can explain reasons etc, and answer the questions they may immediately have without them having to ask which they may be uncomfortable about.
put your plug in before/ when you're doing the deed and ask what she thinks. when she sees it in use it will hopefully seem sexy and if its making you horny...
I think continunal talking is the way to go; the first time you mention it, she might not be that receptive. She might need time to mull it over, think it through (and that could be anything from a day to a week to months).
As others have said, only you know your OH, but personally, if my husband ever just left an anal toy out on the bed like that I would NOT be happy, and if he ever came onto me while wearing an anal toy I would immediately stop sexual relations. The reason for this is because talking is important; I don't think it's very fair at all to introduce something without talking about it first, seeing what she thinks.
I am MAJORLY turned off by male anal play, especially pegging, and not because I'd think my husband wasn't straight but because it genuinely turns me off. So if my husband were to do any of the above, without talking to me about it first, I would be very annoyed. If you haven't mentioned it to her, you don't know whether she'd like it or not.
It's not fair to just introduce something without at least mentioning it first. What if it turns her off? And if she says no, don't pester her. Leave it a few months and then try again. If she still says no, you should leave it. Everyone has different turn-ons and turn-offs. If you talk to her about it and she's receptive, great! But if she's not, you'll have to settle for playing on your own.
If you're too forward (ie. leaving out anal toys or wearing one without consulting her) she may just put a wall up and not be receptive to it at all. However if you talk to her about it, I think you're more likely to get somewhere because she'd realise you value her opinion rather than just going through with it and just hoping she likes it.
If you can't face talking about it, writing a letter is a good idea. And there's some great advice about introducing a fetish here: http://sexuality.about.com/od/talkingwithpartners/ht/Tell-Partner-About-a-Fetish.htm
I think continunal talking is the way to go; the first time you mention it, she might not be that receptive. She might need time to mull it over, think it through (and that could be anything from a day to a week to months).
As others have said, only you know your OH, but personally, if my husband ever just left an anal toy out on the bed like that I would NOT be happy, and if he ever came onto me while wearing an anal toy I would immediately stop sexual relations. The reason for this is because talking is important; I don't think it's very fair at all to introduce something without talking about it first, seeing what she thinks.
I am MAJORLY turned off by male anal play, especially pegging, and not because I'd think my husband wasn't straight but because it genuinely turns me off. So if my husband were to do any of the above, without talking to me about it first, I would be very annoyed. If you haven't mentioned it to her, you don't know whether she'd like it or not.
It's not fair to just introduce something without at least mentioning it first. What if it turns her off? And if she says no, don't pester her. Leave it a few months and then try again. If she still says no, you should leave it. Everyone has different turn-ons and turn-offs. If you talk to her about it and she's receptive, great! But if she's not, you'll have to settle for playing on your own.
If you're too forward (ie. leaving out anal toys or wearing one without consulting her) she may just put a wall up and not be receptive to it at all. However if you talk to her about it, I think you're more likely to get somewhere because she'd realise you value her opinion rather than just going through with it and just hoping she likes it.
If you can't face talking about it, writing a letter is a good idea. And there's some great advice about introducing a fetish here: http://sexuality.about.com/od/talkingwithpartners/ht/Tell-Partner-About-a-Fetish.htm