My partner and I both like to bite, but I’m disappointed about not being up to letting them bite me as much as I with I was. The biting itself isn’t an issue, but I find saliva on my skin really bothers me on a sensory level. I don’t want them to think that I don’t like it otherwise, but I feel like wiping off the saliva makes them feel that way even though they know it’s a sensory thing. : /
Embarrassingly, I’d really like to do stuff like lick up a collar bone before biting a shoulder, but I’m hesitant to ask when I can’t reciprocate.
Do you have any sensory things getting in your way and how do you deal with them?
I have a few sensory issues around sex and I can definitely relate to the saliva issue! Mine are mainly around anything slimy - I hate water based lube, unfortunately my husband doesn’t like the feel of oils do we’re a bit stuck there! I don’t like saliva either so we avoid oral sex and don’t go further than gentle kisses (no tongues!). I also dislike the feel of my own vagina which is a bit difficult at times and might have as much to to with gender dysphoria as sensory issues. I haven’t worked out any solutions to these yet so will be following this thread with interest.
I would say you should talk to your partner about wanting to lick / bite them, I’m sure they would understand. I know it feels like you can’t reciprocate but I’m sure there are other things you do for them and sex is about giving each other pleasure and shouldn’t be about whether you can reciprocate or not.
For me I used to be very awkward about kissing and still am if not in the right mood as I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else’s germs inside my mouth which also led to me worrying about giving oral too and stuff. Thankfully I’ve overcome many of these things but still won’t rim anyone, yet I enjoy having it done to me.
Reciprocation is relevant because I suspect they might like to do the same and I don’t want to ask them to hold back in ways that I’m not. (Unless they’d be into that, which might be worth asking Compromise by making it kinky ) I have a thing for “fairness” but that can totally include sub/dom stuff as long as the communication is sufficient.
We also haven’t really done tongue kissing because while I think I might be ok with it now, that’s not exactly enthusiastic, so it’ll be on hold a bit longer.
It’s great that you and your husband have figured out what you both like and are comfortable with it! That’s encouraging for me. : )
Have you tried silicone or organic lube? It might be a better texture between you both. https://www.lovehoney.com/advice/lubes-essentials/beginners-guide-to-lube.html
I find lube a bit weird, but it would be hard for me to have a good time without it. I’m dry because of testosterone, but menopause often brings the same issue, though there are specific localized estrogen creams that can also help. I hope you’re not doing anal without lube, or if you are, how do you make that work?
For dysphoria, maybe mentally treating/thinking about it more like anal would help? You can potentially tailor dirty talk to support the illusion too. I helps me sometimes but which hole it is exactly isn’t necessarily that big of a deal for me. Also not shaving down there, or at least not completely.
Sorry for the slow reply, it takes me a while to find enough energy sometimes!
I’ve tried lots of different types of lube, silicone and oil are the best for me but my husband isn’t so keen. Thankfully he’s starting to get a bit better with them recently so we might be able to try them again soon. To be honest, we haven’t had penetrative sex of any sort for a long time because of the lube issue and pain. Anal is easier but my husband isn’t really into it. I have tried anal without lube and it was fine but now that i know it’s necessary (i don’t want to tear anything!) I wouldn’t do anal without lube anymore. I can tollerate a small amount of lube for anal, as long as it doesn’t get on my hands or anywhere else. It’s a complicated situation and at the moment sex for us is external touching and rubbing against eachother only. We’re hoping to work on it but, to be honest, I don’t know what I want sex to look like in the future.
The other thing I’ve noticed is that my sensory issues change over time - both on a long term basis and short term with my stress and anxiety levels, the more anxious I am, the less tolerance I have for sensory things.
Compromise by making it kinky 
) I have a thing for “fairness” but that can totally include sub/dom stuff as long as the communication is sufficient.