The flip side is. Would your OH be interested in a MMF threesome. And then when she asks if it would be a bit weird for you you could say it's fine and that you are putting her first. brownie points a plenty. And then after say that you were surprised that you actually enjoyed it. Then she is none the wiser that you have had these feelings before.
I told my wife early on in our marriage and she smashed a cup over my head. We're still married 18 years later but it is definitely an uncomfortable thing between us and it makes her feel insecure. I've never cheated on her and never will so I just have to put that side of me out of mind. It quite often crops up in fantasy when I masturbate, though.
I'm 'sort of' secretly bisexual.
That is to say, I don't make a habit of telling people, but if a guy came onto me and I found him to be appealing then I also wouldn't make any secret of it.
So far, and leaving aside the usual teenage experiences, only two guys have ever been into me - one was way too old for me, and the other I would've certainly had a go with if the circumstances had allowed it.
My m/m experience is therefore very limited, but then so is my m/f experience in some respects!
I have never had any M/M experiences and I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful lady. However, I am extremely curious and growing ever more due to the fact our sex life has been virtually non-existent for the past while. I don't know why, but I would love to see what all the fuss is about by kissing / fooling around with another guy. I have never told my OH this, and I do love her and would never cheat, but at the same time my curiosity I growing in this increasingly barren spell...
I'd say tell her - After ten years of monogamy you can refute most of the worst stereotypes about being bisexual pretty easily.
Pobably best not to make a big thing about it - Not a dramatic coming-out, just a "hmm, I suppose I am attracted to blokes too" when you're already talking about sex, if that's possible.
And good luck, if you do!
Marriedscot - One thing I haven't picked up on ( sorry if I missed it ) but have these male encounters occured whilst you've been together?
If so then it may be that your wife is more upset that you've cheated on her more than anything else. However I want to throw some caution into the mix. A revelation like this could be severely damaging to your relationship and honesty may not be the best policy in all situations.
You have to be prepared to deal with the fall out even if that means losing your relationship. If you do part ways then perhaps it best you do rather than go on living a lie. If its eating you up inside then those kind of feelings are corrosive and are going to come out eventually in some shape or form.
Tough call. I don't envy you. Good luck.
I've kissed a guy and found it really quite unpleasant.
I had sex with the same guy and found it quite good fun.
I think most people are somewhere on the bisexuality scale.
Awesome :)
I'm bi-curious, I just don't know why. I don't turned on by looking at guys, it's just the feeling of... being with one, if that makes sense.
Before I figured out I wasn't straight I had a boyfriend who just casually mentioned he like Orlando Bloom's ass. Yeah. Still, being into guys was yet another thing that we had in common, which had its own charm. Doesn't have to be all bad, you know :) Telling her, I think the only really relevant thing is how you think she'd take it.
It's a difficult siuation for sure!
I was married for six years before I 'confessed' (together for nine years) I'd tried to drop some hints for a while beforehand, maybe that helped, maybe I was a bit too subtle.
Worked out okay in the end and we're closer than ever, however to start there was deffinately insecurity from both sides. I started talking thinking I'd be single by the morning, she had a short period of wondering if I'd clear off with the next guy that walked by.
Took a lot of talking things through afterwards, mainly reassuring my wife that monogamous was just that, I was no more likely to play away now than before.
For us it's worked out well, but I guess that I got lucky with having an understanding wife. It doesn't always go that way.
Maybe sound out wife a bit more on a 'friend' said such and such.
A very very tricky one.Your wife will feel gutted and let down . You will risk jeopardising your marrage as she will surely feel threatened. I would try and keep a lid on it . No harm in looking at other guys in the same way a straight guy may look at other women. My rule of thumb is you can look but don't touch .
I've never cheated I just feel attracted to guys. It's a big fantasy of mine when I'm masterbating and I would like to share my desires with her. I've dropped many hints about liking guys asses and finding them attractive but I think she thinks I'm joking. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just admit. Now I've really thought of it it's not such s bad thing.
Marriedscot wrote:
I've never cheated I just feel attracted to guys. It's a big fantasy of mine when I'm masterbating and I would like to share my desires with her. I've dropped many hints about liking guys asses and finding them attractive but I think she thinks I'm joking. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just admit. Now I've really thought of it it's not such s bad thing.
Good luck, I really hope it goes ok for you.
Yep, wishing you luck.
Its way more acceptable to be curious now and doesn't mean you're going to have sex with the next man you see just because you've spoken to her about it.
Just make sure she knows she's the only one you want to be with and fantasies are just that.
mysteron wrote:
A very very tricky one.Your wife will feel gutted and let down . You will risk jeopardising your marrage as she will surely feel threatened. I would try and keep a lid on it . No harm in looking at other guys in the same way a straight guy may look at other women. My rule of thumb is you can look but don't touch .
Do you know this man's wife? How do you know she will feel gutted and let down?
I'm fortunate to have a very loving and open minded OH. I think she picked up on certain things, and after years I was able to admit my bi-curious tendencies to her, which she is fine with, but would prefer I really didn't act on them! It's more of a fantasy thing, which helps keep things interesting in the bedroom.
Not sure if I'm as attracted to being with a man, as the thought of playing with/sucking another man, if that makes any sense? I have definitely almost swooned in a the presence of a select few males....
If this was my partner after ten years it would make me wonder why he is telling me now, I'd think it was because he wanted to do something about it if that makes sense?
Whereas if he was to tell me at the beginning it wouldn't affect me, just the fact of bringing it up after ten years she may think there is a reason for you coming clean other than honesty..
She may be different to me though, you know her best so will be a better judge of how she will think/react
all the best xx
If this was my partner after ten years it would make me wonder why he is telling me now, I'd think it was because he wanted to do something about it if that makes sense?
Whereas if he was to tell me at the beginning it wouldn't affect me, just the fact of bringing it up after ten years she may think there is a reason for you coming clean other than honesty..
She may be different to me though, you know her best so will be a better judge of how she will think/react
all the best xx
Tell her. What use is a marriage if you have to keep secrets? If you two are married til death do us part and are deeply in love then there should be no issue other than the initial shock. If it all goes really badly then you're better off being truthful to yourself than surpressing your true feelings to please someone else.
After 10 years she should know you well enough to just have initial shock, then accept it whatever
I'm not attracted to men...however I am attracted to a part of a man.
I've been with my OH for nearly six years now and never found enough confidence to tell her that I was a little bit curious. I enjoyed a bit of anal play and was curious about giving out blowjobs. One day, she came home from work while I was playing in the shower and guessed what I was doing and it was the best thing that had ever happened.
We talked it out, I told her what I was curious about and what turned me on. She was amazing, listened to everything I had to say and was so supportive. She said she didn't mind even offered to help me experiment with some things.
Definitely tell her. If she loves you she will understand and it will just make your relationship stronger. I wish I had told my OH sooner about my desires! You may be surprised by how she takes it.