Secrets and OH

Hi all, im new here and a 36yr old mum of three married for 16yrs. We have had our fair share of ups and downs and recently I lost over 2 stone in weight taking me to a size 6-8 which as you can imagine started to get me more attention especially from my work colleagues. As my confidence grew I started flirting with a colleague and after time we both wanted a little fun.

Hubby hadnt really paid me much attention for ages, occasionally trying to buy me some sexy undies but I always said i didnt like em. That made it awkward when he noticed me starting to wear stockings to work to tease my colleague who had always fantasised about a girl in stockings but never had one despite himself being married for ten years.

Anyway to cut along story short, we arranged to go to a hotel for an afternoon of fun, i dressed accordingly and also took a couple of naughty babydolls. The sex was amazing but I came back to earth with a huge bump when we left the hotel and I had a message to say my hubby was in hospital with a fractured spine having fallen.

That was about six weeks ago, he is getting better, able to walk etc but obviously not able to have sex so i have been regularly seeing my colleague.

Am i being awful? I had to tell hubby im buying all the saucy undies for when he is better!!

I don't thin so. These things happen Claire, I am considering a similar situation at work as we speak...

due to health reasons or because things have gotten stale anyway?

the latter. I think this happened due to the stale didnt it? Not the health reasons? If you want to talk a bit more, maybe drop me an email (its on the profile) that way some of the things u say stay a bit more private?

Well I would really expect you to have exhausted all your options with hubby first. It's a two way street and you have to put effort into it to. It's a shame about the fall and certainly would be an extra kick if he was to find out. If you love your hubby he deserves a little more from you as you probably deserve a little more from him. Life's complicated and we always seem to make it more so. I hope you sort things whichever way they go.

If anything like this ever happened with me and my partner I would just end it.
No one should ever be cheated on. If your not happy then leave.

yeah, i'd say that's pretty awful

I won't say awful. but I don't think you're being particularly nice at all. sounds like he was really trying buying you knickers etc... like lollipop said, if your not happy leave. your husband doesnt deserve that especially as right now it isnt his fault he cant have sex. I understand things can get stale but then you need to put effort in to try and fix, spice things up rather than just look elsewhere immediately. reading this made me sad... it's your life but put the shoe on the other foot. seems cruel too to say 'oh im buying these for when your better'!

well i say if it feels right do it ,if you enjoy it do it, if its making you happy carry on, but if you have any doubts or guilt then you will have to carry these feelings around that can be hard to carry and hide it will eventually eat you up,all relationships hit a rock at times , so its good to really know what you want is it just the sex or is it something more you are wanting deep down, do you still love your hubby and still want a relationship i kinda think he soes deserve a bit more truth and respect not getting into that but becareful because unfortunatly its only you that will have to live with the consequences if your hubby ever finds out and karma does bite

I certainly think that you should perhaps say something to him now. I'll be honest I didnt see the falling bit on the first read which a lot of the others have picked up on of course...

Is cheating awful? YUP Why? Think about if this was the other way around. It can crush hearts and break people. It is cruel. It is better, surely, to leave than to kick someone down this way. That is my opinion x

Yeah, sorry, but that is awful. Your husband has made an effort to buy you things to give you back your confidence, and you've thrown it in his face. You've then opened up the wound by wearing stockings to work, and then rubbed salt in it by sleeping behind his back.

What you really need to ask yourself, is how would you feel if you were in his shoes, you were trying to make him feel good about himself and he shot it down, and then seemed comfort from someone else and had sex with them?

In all honesty, it sounds like to me that you love your husband, but now because you've lost weight you feel like you deserve attention, I really don't think you like this colleague that much, but he's giving you the attention that you want, that you can't accept from your husband.

I think it's a an absolutely awful thing, sorry to be so harsh, but if you don't love your husband, leave. Having sex behind someone's back is utterly awful, and I can imagine you would feel like your world was destroyed if he had done that to you. It's simply not fair at all, and I'm shocked that you've had to ask if that is awful, you know it is, you need to do something about it.

P.S. The fact that you've told him you're buying underwear for him and wearing it for someone else is even worse. Please don't tell me you're planning on wearing it for your husband when he's better?!

Sorry words fail me, I love my husband very much for health reasons we don't do sex but there is lots of love and affection I also have toys and he's buying me some Wednesday.ifyou don't want him then leave.but don't cheat on him, if you do love him, get him over this then try to work together to build a sex life, if he isn't affectionate then decide your future, Sorry to be so harsh but my first marriage was he'll sex wise for me I would hate that for anyone.

I think alot of the reason the sex is so good though is just because it is naughty. Meeting at a hotel, dressing all naughty and being secret is a huge turn on, is that just to me or....

You don't seem to have listened to anything anyone's said?

sorry i didnt mean it like that, i was replying to someones point about loving my hubby!

Sorry but I really don't see how you can love someone of you cheat on them.

You can dress naughty, go to hotels, keep secrets from others all with your husband. thats what my partner and I enjoy. Seriously put the shoe on the other foot.

Secretary Clairey wrote:

I think alot of the reason the sex is so good though is just because it is naughty. Meeting at a hotel, dressing all naughty and being secret is a huge turn on, is that just to me or....

Probably would have felt naughty if you'd tried it with your husband