My ex-wife and I were together 18 years... suddenly five years ago she vannished she left me and our two little boys who were aged just 5 and 18 months. I had to stop work to take care of them. My delema is this... how do I get a mother to talk to her two boys? I have tried writing a letter, giving her a telephone number so she can either phone or send text, given her email addresses she still will not respond.
My eldest is now 11 yes he misses his mother my youngest is 7 how do I communicate with a woman who refuses to respond? For those who are wondering NO I never hit my wife I loved her too much, I do not drink, smoke, gamble or play around. She had everything a woman could ask for and more. She was chatting to some guy in a chat room I know I saw the messages she was having an affair... I have not told my boys this all they know is mummy went away. So what can I do to get her to acknowledge she has two children?
A very sad story, do you know anyone who communicates with you and your ex-wife still, if so perhaps ask them to act as a go between, they maybe able to learn why your ex-wife does not wish to engage with you and the children. Perhaps it is out of embarrasement, or she has a new young family and does not want her new family learning about her past, as harsh as that may seem to you and your children.
There are numerous possibilities why she has not tried to form a relationship with your children, including depression, addiction or even a breakdown. If there is no other way of communicating with her that provides a responce, then perhaps pursue a custody claim which may force a reply, but this would be a last resort I would like to point out!
Unfortunately you can not make someone want to be a part of their child's life. I know, I've tried with my ex husband and still to this day try. My son sees his dad twice a month, my ex will take holidays the week before half term with his new girlfriend and it's me who has to pick up the pieces :(
My eldest stepson didn't have his mother in his life from the age of 9. He's now 17 and he hates her. She's tried to get back into his life for 4 years and he's told her in no uncertain words where to go! He grew up without her. Doesn't want or need her. The mother now has to live with that and she cant.
Your ex wife will, eventually, wake up and want to be a part of their life. I hope for your children's sake its not too late. In the meantime just continue as you are, giving the lots of hugs when they need it.
It sounds like you have done as much as you can, the rest is now up to her. By contacting her you have made it clear that she can see the children if she wants to, now all you can do is wait and hope. I can never understand someone who can walk out on their kids like that and for some reason, to me it seems worse when a mother does it. You just have to be there to support your kids as much as possible and one day when you feel they're old enough you should tell them the truth. Better that than have them grow up blaming either themselves or you
Firstly your boys are so lucky to have such a devoted, caring and loving father :)
As to your exwife ? As said above you've done everything possible and have left all lines of communication open for her, to be honest I dont think there's much more you can do. It's her decision not to get in touch, although personally I could never live with myself if I even considerd doing something like that.
I too hope she comes to her senses before it's too late but your boys should certainly know the truth (when they are a bit older).
Sounds like you're doing an amazing job - hugs to you and your boys xx
This reminds me of a situation my ex partner was in.
He was married to his now ex and fathered her daughter and together they had a son.
She made off when his son was 2 and the daughter was 4. They are now 5 and 7 as far as I'm aware. She moved to a completely different country. Leaving my ex with both the kids. And she never once visited them, but she Was still in contact with her own mum, who always helped out with the kids.
Is your ex in touch with any of her relatives or friends? But to be honest, you've got to think. Is this really best for your kids? She made off without warning and hadn't been in any contact with them. What's to say she won't come see them a couple of times and then sod off again? If she hasn't been in touch after this time, then I personally doubt that she wants to.
I personally don't understand how someone can have a child and then not want contact. But some people are like that. I'd honestly think about it rather than just trying to contact her to see her kids. If she wanted to she would have already.
And as your kids get older they will see that mummy wasn't there for them but daddy always was. And they will he soon content with knowing that it's just the siblings and you.
Sorry if this is a little off topic or jumbled up. Lack of coffee won't allow me to think straight :') x
Hi again everyone thanks for your great words of support I have tried talking to my ex but she totally ignors me... When she left I was away working I had no idea she was chatting to some guy while I was away. When she left she did not contact me for four month my boys were crying eaach day my eldestwas going to bed saying tell mummy I'll be good from now on... (he was only 5 then).
We know where she is living in Birmingham she use to see the boys for school holidays but she mistreated them bruised my youngest... I had to take court action to stop her hitting them. She has not seen them now for almost a year... my little boy misses him mum. To add to my troubles I have been diagnosed with a crippling illness so things can't get worse can they. Anyway on a happier note I am taking them away in August to Greece.
It sounds like you've done everything possible to encourage her to be part of their lives. We can't force people to change or do anything they don't want to do. I think it may be best to just focus on being the best dad you can be to your boys (you sound like a wonderful dad anyway) and forget her. She's not worth it, especially if she's abusive.
It may also be worth looking into counselling for your boys to help them cope with the trauma she's caused them so that they don't grow up thinking it's their fault and having lasting emotional scars. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, you really deserve it.
Also, I know this is a bit off topic, but it may be worth going to citizens advice or some kind of similar agency to see what benefits you could be entitled to because of you illness and status as a single parent. I know that this won't help with the issues with your ex, but it could ease some of the financial strain of being a single dad.
Where youve given your wife every chance to get back in contact, have you considered the thought that youre kids (and you of course) may well be better off without her in your lives?
If she does get back in contact, there is nothing to say that she wont disappear once again leaving an even greater mess than before behind her.
I grew up without a father in my life and I see different parts of my friends fathers and one Uncle as my father.
It was them who taught me how to change a car tyre and wire a plug etc.
Focus on your kids, which Im sure you are doing 100% already and focus on your life with them. I'm sure you have 'left the door' open for their mother to to return, but have faith in knowing that the door won't close if you're not standing by it and you dont need to stand by that door watching and waiting for her return.
I hope this helps along with others advice on here and have an amazing time in Greece!
Just to pick up on the counselling for the kids part. We have something here in Norfolk called The Benjamin Foundation. They have counsellors that come into the schools to chat with the kids about their feelings and help them understand what's gong on. Not sure if you can speak to your children's schools and see if they have anyone who can help?
the only thing I can suggest is try contacting her relatives and to explain you are not interested in fighting or getting back together but you would like her to be included in the childrens lifes.