Well, I think there'd have to be sensible boundaries set. I think most parents have some kind of negative reaction when sex suddenly appears in their child's life. I say 13 or 14 is a good age where I'd allow the kids to just ask anything. People will complain it's below the age of consent, but when you're a teenager and you want sex, then things like the age of consent really don't matter.
My sex education was pretty much completely devoid of sex. I'm so grateful that I randomly heard about the hymen before I had sex. Otherwise I'd have had no idea that sex could hurt and that I was gonna bleed afterwards. I've told this story many times before, but my first time sex was like a sneak preview of childbirth, that's how painful it was, and I begrudge that I was never officially taught that could happen. Of course, had they taught me about the existence of lube, I could have helped that, but didn't get that either.
I think it should be a matter that's more with the parents if they want to bring 'morality' into the conversation. I remember one very refreshing teacher who came into my 6th form and she was the first figure in the school to tell us that sex didn't have to be about love but it always has to be about pleasure, joy and responsibility. From both parties.
I owe a lot of my positivity towards sex to my mother. She told me that sex is like all things in life, it improves with practice and I've always kept in mind some rather brilliant advice she gave me on alcohol. (which I've applied to my sex life) That drinking is only ever a good idea if it adds to the moment. It shouldn't be substitute, a fix or a result of pressure but something you do for the sheer pleasure of it and you do it with precautions. With this attitude, I find young people can have sex, romantic and casual, with peace of mind and be happier people.
Amongst my friends in schools, most people's relationships were brief. Sexual partners lasted a few weeks or months and then they moved on. The fast pace suited the majority of people and it was fantastic to see people forming this network of sexual experience. Fantastic because most people used protection, had a fun time and were always seeking out improvement and new ideas. In my neck of the woods, we formed a little network of people who looked out for each other and the dreaded bullshit from sex-ed via the playground gossip morphed into this group of students who passed on wisdom to each other.
I saw this to be just as special and joyful as those who formed attachments that lasted for years (some to this day)
Of the people in my life who tend to be batshit crazy about sex, nearly all of them are Catholic. Guilt, self hatred and supressing desires have all lead to some colourful problems. Showering after sex? Check. Hating your partner and yourself after intercourse? Check. And they were the very worst when it came to contraception too.
Also, I think many parents are blissfully unaware of how much their kids know about sex. It's much more than they ever think it is. I'd personally a teacher taught my kids in detail sex stuff that they might not be old enough for than them picking up things from the playground like you can't get pregnant standing up.
I actually liked an initiative that came about after I was done with school. They commissioned a local playwrite to do up a piece, hired a few of us to perform it and do dramatic workshops with the kids after, and sent us out about a bunch of the 'at risk' schools. Ideally, it would have been for all the schools in the area, but budget constraints and all that. Was good fun, and the kids enjoyed it, and could really get involved as part of the workshop after, just suggesting what should have been done differently in each scene and helping us improv the 'better' scenarios. they got dead into it, and almost didn't notice that they were asking questions and thinking about how to deal with things like peer pressure, pregnany, sex and all that.
They even set up a drop-in centre for strictly under-agers, just like a cafe but with health professionals there to talk about stuff. Was a great venture, no idea if it's still going but they were hoping to expand it before I left, so would like to think it's still on-going.
Well, I think there'd have to be sensible boundaries set. I think most parents have some kind of negative reaction when sex suddenly appears in their child's life. I say 13 or 14 is a good age where I'd allow the kids to just ask anything. People will complain it's below the age of consent, but when you're a teenager and you want sex, then things like the age of consent really don't matter.
I've never understood these random arbitary numbers. 16.. BAM sex time! 18 and whooo porn! Everyone matures at different rates.
I think the 13 is a good time as you mentioned, catch the one who is ready at the bottom and bring them all up to speed before damage can be inflicted.
I do like the age of consent laws in some nations that are 16 but can be lower if the person is of the same age. If one is 13 and another 15 it is legal (by no means desirable but it should not be criminal). If a 20 year old tries it on with a 14 year old it is a criminal offence under these rules.
I do like the age of consent laws in some nations that are 16 but can be lower if the person is of the same age. If one is 13 and another 15 it is legal (by no means desirable but it should not be criminal). If a 20 year old tries it on with a 14 year old it is a criminal offence under these rules.
I do like the age of consent laws in some nations that are 16 but can be lower if the person is of the same age. If one is 13 and another 15 it is legal (by no means desirable but it should not be criminal). If a 20 year old tries it on with a 14 year old it is a criminal offence under these rules.
Isn't that basically how it works in the UK though? Don't remember the last time the convicted 2 14 year olds of doing the deed?
Ax
They have put people on various registers for it.
Regardless of that, you know how I feel about unjust laws even if they haven't been used in donkey's. They are still there and can present a burden to justice, they can be even more dangerous than used laws because people forget and they can be used for other means, such as political. Must not not post rant about anti-terror legislation...
Hey Ecks! I'm fully aware of my kids sexual knowledge. My lad is 12 and since starting senior school has picked a lot of info up. His mother (her whos name can never be uttered) caught him watching porn a few months ago. She played fucking hell with him. The actual clip he was watching was called Ballerinas in tutus. When he came to my house my daughter and I danced from the living room sideways into the kitchen in that typical ballerina stance to take the piss and lighten the moment! He's 12 going on 13, I had a pile of porn mags at 12! I had a chat with him and told him If I catch him his ass is mine. He said never say that sentence ever ever again Dad! Lol. The daughter whos 18 in August is on her 4th serious boyfriend! She told me the day after she'd had sex. I wasn't shocked because she reminds me of me and I was because she's still my little girl and always will be. But I have a great open relationship with the both of them. We're actually all going to Gay Pride in Liverpool on 7th August! SG x I'm not gay by the way! :-) well my kids call me gay like :-s
But I have a great open relationship with the both of them. We're actually all going to Gay Pride in Liverpool on 7th August! SG x I'm not gay by the way! :-) well my kids call me gay like :-s
Being serious the more you type about your kids the better you sound as a dad (not that you initially sounded crap by the way)! If I ever forget where my dad lives I might let you adopt me.External Media
I run a tight ship you know? I sound like a pushover but I'm a hard bastard! I mean. . . I got in this morning at 06.15 to a note from the daughter which read . . . yo gimp! Ross (her bloke type youth thing) is sleeping in Jack's bed just incase you thought goldilocks was asleep in there. See you when you get up fatman. Love Jess x which was accompanied by a less than flattering hand drawn pic of me. Of course I went mad and hand drawn my own very unflattering counter-pic of her. Tough aren't I? :-p
I do like the age of consent laws in some nations that are 16 but can be lower if the person is of the same age. If one is 13 and another 15 it is legal (by no means desirable but it should not be criminal). If a 20 year old tries it on with a 14 year old it is a criminal offence under these rules.
Isn't that basically how it works in the UK though? Don't remember the last time the convicted 2 14 year olds of doing the deed?
Ax
As WandA said their is registers for that but the annoying thing is that the bloke always gets the blame no matter what. It's stupid to think that a girl under the age of 16 could never want sex and as such must have been pressured into it by the bloke.
On another note you sound like a really great and open dad SG. My dad was like that but in all fairness it's much different when you have a son compared to a daughter. I could easy see me cheering my son on when he comes home and tells me he's lost his virginity but if I had a daughter tell me the same thing I wouldn't know how to react.
I run a tight ship you know? I sound like a pushover but I'm a hard bastard! I mean. . . I got in this morning at 06.15 to a note from the daughter which read . . . yo gimp! Ross (her bloke type youth thing) is sleeping in Jack's bed just incase you thought goldilocks was asleep in there. See you when you get up fatman. Love Jess x which was accompanied by a less than flattering hand drawn pic of me. Of course I went mad and hand drawn my own very unflattering counter-pic of her. Tough aren't I? :-p
Ha ha i hope we do as well with our kids as you have with yours!
Did anyone see the sex education show last night? It was brilliant! x
I do like the age of consent laws in some nations that are 16 but can be lower if the person is of the same age. If one is 13 and another 15 it is legal (by no means desirable but it should not be criminal). If a 20 year old tries it on with a 14 year old it is a criminal offence under these rules.
Isn't that basically how it works in the UK though? Don't remember the last time the convicted 2 14 year olds of doing the deed?
Ax
As WandA said their is registers for that but the annoying thing is that the bloke always gets the blame no matter what. It's stupid to think that a girl under the age of 16 could never want sex and as such must have been pressured into it by the bloke.
But laws are there to protect the vulnerable. So for every 1 girl under 16 who happily had sex, there are likely 5 that did feel pressured to have sex (usually by a boy, although of course this does also happen then other way round).
I do like the age of consent laws in some nations that are 16 but can be lower if the person is of the same age. If one is 13 and another 15 it is legal (by no means desirable but it should not be criminal). If a 20 year old tries it on with a 14 year old it is a criminal offence under these rules.
Isn't that basically how it works in the UK though? Don't remember the last time the convicted 2 14 year olds of doing the deed?
Ax
As WandA said their is registers for that but the annoying thing is that the bloke always gets the blame no matter what. It's stupid to think that a girl under the age of 16 could never want sex and as such must have been pressured into it by the bloke.
But laws are there to protect the vulnerable. So for every 1 girl under 16 who happily had sex, there are likely 5 that did feel pressured to have sex (usually by a boy, although of course this does also happen then other way round).
But that's exactly it: it shouldn't be presumed that it's always the guy' fault. Even if she only did it because he pushed her, chances are he only pushed her because he was under peer pressure himself, so they're both victims in that sense. Yes, they should be told about respecting themselves and standing up for what they do or don't want, but I don't think anyone should be put on a register because they had consentual sex with someone of their own age group, especially not when the biggest crime they committed was daring to have a penis.
I think they genuinely set out to get pregnant on the most part though :s
I know one who definitely did. She had her first kid at 14 after going out to clubs (was a fair few that thrived on the under-agers, never asked for ID even when it was obvious they were too young) and finding random guys to sleep with. She actual spent the next few years trying to get pregnant again, and had her second baby during her final exams at 17. That was terrifying.
Best bit was watching the nuns trying to keep up the ignoring her thing when her waters broke in class. That was surreal.
But that's exactly it: it shouldn't be presumed that it's always the guy' fault. Even if she only did it because he pushed her, chances are he only pushed her because he was under peer pressure himself, so they're both victims in that sense. Yes, they should be told about respecting themselves and standing up for what they do or don't want, but I don't think anyone should be put on a register because they had consentual sex with someone of their own age group, especially not when the biggest crime they committed was daring to have a penis.
This is my exact thoughts. It's hardly as if it always the guys fault even if it is some times but it's still a matter of fact that the reverse can often be the case as well. If their both of the same age and consent to it shouldn't be a problem but that's not how the law see's it. I know a person that got put on a register when they both had consensual sex at 15 when the mother told the police.
It also seems a bit strange that you can be days away from being 16 and deemed too young to make an adult decision regarding sex but bang, as soon as your 16 your mature enough. I dare say most of us at the community probably developed a maturity about sex at a much younger age than others and were probably more aware of the risks involved too.
