Thought I would start a new rant/stress relief thread on the forum. I am sure some already exist but I am really stressed at the moment.
It's been a couple of weeks since I last spent some quality time with my other half due to my workload at uni. Missing her like crazy and so much work I am unlikely to sleep tonight... Deadline at 10:30am and they are expecting up to 15 pages of design/documentation/etc.
I know I am not the only one on here that's got stuff going on at the moment, so give us a shout.
This is Day 18 of my current cycle of insomnia. I'm so DAMN EXHAUSTED but do you think my body will let me sleep????
I get a lot of insomnia so its not new, but today is the first time I've truly understood the meaning of the word "zombie". Look it up in the dictionary folks.... definition for zombie is one Yoko-look-alike chick!!
Aaargh, really important university exam tomorrow and because I do a ful ltime job on the side I've not had time to revise until taking this week off work. Anyway spent all week revising Microbiology instead of Biotechnology so I'm pretty buggered tomorrow...on the bright side at least I'm prepared for Mondays exam...
I'm sick of my body hating me, falling to pieces just from sitting, screaming at me constantly, throbbing, slicing, falling out, falling off, the pain is constant anyway but this is just amplified....constant battering, relentless, no chance of a break. My spine feels completely crushed/compressed my shoulders feel like an open wound and my hips won't let me sit still.
To top it all off my brain hates me too and I'm crying at the drop of a hat, at stupid things, feeling miserable or apathetic. I'm stressed but I'm never this bad when I'm stressed and I'm convinved it's my pill but I can't come of it or change it whilst I'm doing exams/have an interview soon because it's too big a risk - it could give me a 2 week period from hell or fuck my joints up even more.
I can't eat because I constantly feel sick, can't sleep before 3am even when I'm up/have been up early yet when I don't *have* to get up early, I can't seem to *force* myself too - despite all the best intentions of getting up I just can't seem to physically do it and usually I can.
I'm getting thin (yet not losing weight - how does that work?).
I have the 3 biggest exams of my life tomorrow, Monday and Thursday and I'm only fully prepared for one of them due to life/my body conspiring against me - god I hope my inhuman short term memory kicks in and I manage to do well because I so desperately want to do a PhD next and I *need* a first.
Arrrrgggghhh I just can't wait until January is over - it'll all be worth it when I get to do a PhD and I *will* achieve it but it's frustrating to not be my usual positive self! I'm going to go home for the weekend, catch up on some rest, get my pill changed and come back to uni feeling renewed and relieved that the hardest part of the slog is over!
Adxx
P.s. those who know me will realise this is *very* out of character - I'm a very positive person who works incredibly hard but rarely complains....I *will* be back to my normal self once I can get out of this cycle of bad joints and bad mood. Stupid, stupid pill
arrrgh as i should care about failing uni but i dont give a shit
AAAARGH i should have quit my course back when i knew it wasnt for me not get guilted into continuing
AAAAAAAARGH AT 3 DAYS LATE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH AT WHAT FAMILY WILL SAY when we tell them i'm expecting
aaaaaaaaaaaaargh at telling family after babba and a year out i want to train as a midwife, they'll tell me its just a whim NO I JUST NEVER TOLD YOU BEFORE!!! NOT A WHIM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH At realising i only chose my course to live up to my dads standards/expectations of a 'proper' career and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK why didnt i realise i was trying to live his dreams before spending 6k of loans on a course i dont wanna do
to be honest i just feel like crap, stressed out and i just wish all this stress would go away but it just keeps coming back. WE need our own place to live and were not getting anywhere. just feel sometimes its all my fault but its not if u know what i mean
Alicia, I'm so sorry you're feeling so crap. It sounds wretched.
MsEllie, I did the same as you (studied what I thought I should study rather than what I wanted to do) and now I wish I'd been strong enough to sort it out. Instead I'm some years on trying to rectify it and start all over.
If being a midwife is what's calling out to you, I truly hope you can find a way to make it work for you.
Lady-J, I hope you'll be OK.
You know what?? Hugs to us all. We all need 'em right now !
