Shy husband may not be so shy after all

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Well I just wanted to say I had a revelation with my OH. We were getting it on and I started to tell him what I wanted to do to him, fingering his butt how I wanted to finger f him, I spanked him and told him what a good boy he was and he came so quickly.

He is normally so reserved, he can't even tell me what he likes, he doesn' masturbate believe me he doesn't, I have gotten him to do it in front of me but he is so awkaward and if I don't push him, he won't continue with it. I am definitely the dominate one in the bedroom I have tried to submit but he just hasn't a clue bless him. I haven't found hist prostrate yet though, my hands are very small so I really want to carry out what I have said I am going to do.

Wondered if any women out there dominate their men and what sort of things they do or say. Really want to do this again it was such a turn on.

2

Strip him and stay clothed. Preferably with some sexy underwear that you've flashed him....

Make him tell you how much he likes or wants you fingering him. And make sure he thanks you for every spank!

Force him down on you, holding his head and tell him exactly what you want him to do.... count any mistakes as spanks owing!

Such fun. Btw, his prostate isn't very deep so you don't need big hands. Threaten to buy a strap on if he doesn't tell you when you hit the sweet spot!!!

Go girl x

3

+1 what busta said

You could take it outside the bedroom, make him doing the washing up or hoovering in nothing but a pair of your panties. May end up back in the bedroom!

Have some fun with it, but be sure to know if he says no during play he means it or if you need safe words. Have a chat about limits etc cause pushing someone can be fun but it always put my mind at ease to know where to stop

4

I can definitely say that he would not do anything in my underwear espeically the housework, he doesn't even do it fully clothed haha. I did think of getting him some lace boxershorts that I have seen on here. I do try to get him to tell me things but he is not very good at doing it. I told him the next time we have sex he will be ready for me on all fours while I spank his arse he had pre cum oozing it is such a turn on. I haven't mentioned safe words to him but he knows he can say no at any time I have made that clear. I have asked what he likes and doesn't like however he just says he doesn't know, if anyone watches porn it would be me not him. So this is a big break through, we have been married 15 years as well so you would think he would be comfirtable talking about these sort of things but he's not.

I have mentioned a strap on while we were going at it and he seemed keen. I've would love to but worried it would hurt him. Going to get a butt plug for him, we did try the one in the 2 for £10 offer but it was rubbish and wouldn't stay in but he did let me do it to him.

5

Please read this page, http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/keep-safe-bondage-techniques/

"One of the best methods of allowing you and your partner to stop a bondage activity is the use of a 'safety word'. A safety word is, quite simply, a verbal device employed by bondage lovers to immediately communicate a feeling that something isn't going well.

Because some BDSM activities involve a certain amount of pain as well as pleasure, simply saying, 'no' or 'stop' isn't enough to stop a practice if it's not enjoyable for you, because these phrases can often be interpreted as role play. Choose a word that is unrelated to sex so that you're both certain of its meaning when it is spoken during a S&M session."

6

In which case, I'd get together a list of things you're keen to try, and get him to yes maybe no them, it might be easier for him to let you know if he would be up for something than to think of something he would be up for, if that makes sense?

I know a previous partner I was with was completely inexperienced, hadn't even kissed someone, so I put together lists ranging from holding hands, holding hands in public etc to levels of nakedness to sexual acts (she identified as Asexual but wanted to experiement I think to be sure) and she found that much easier to work from.

Purely because me asking her what she wanted to do was difficult because she didn't know what there was to be done.

Hope it works out!

With RE anal, have you been working up to it? I wouldn't suggest diving straight in with strap ons/some butt plugs, have a search for the thread on here about anal (there are plenty) :)

7

My advice...scour the internet for all topics relating to kinky things and then write down all the ones you'd be interested in trying. Get him to go through checking "Yes" "No" or "maybe" against each act and you will have a great jumping off point. You can even ask him to rate them out of 10, based on how much he would like to try each act, then you will know which ones are at the top of his favourites list. Type "A to Z of Kink" or "lists of kinky activities etc, to find lots.

When you discover all of his favourites...broaden them. For example...he likes you spanking him with your hand. What about with a paddle? a flogger? What about standing up, or tied up, or made to kneel on the floor? Broaden, or flesh out each of the acts you most enjoy together this way.

Once you have a better idea what interests you both, you can start purchasing some toys and accessories to heighten the situation.

Submissives tend to all be very different and there isn't one kind of submission (or domination). Some submissives really get their kicks out of serving their Mistress/Goddess, while others crave pain pain pain. Some might get turned on through humiliation (sissification, name calling, asked to do embarrassing things), while others want to be nurtured...Honestly, there are lots of different twists and turns and the journey ahead is about getting into his head, working out his particular motives and what makes him tick.

Just take it slowly. No, it isnt easy to just suddenly be all dominant and vocal when you are completely new to this. So, start small. The "good boy" thing is a wonderful start. The next step might be to just be a little more demanding when you speak up. It doesnt have to be anything special, just "ON YOUR KNEES" or "BEND OVER" Gradually you could add more to this, like describing how silly he looks or how pathetic he is at pleasing you (if he is into humilation) or you could try a softer, more teasing approach, such as "oh babyyy, I bet you would love it if I wrapped my lips around you...such a shame you were a bad boy today" etc...

Just take it slowly basically. This includes the pegging idea. If he is new to anal, too much too soon could put him off due to pain or discomfort. The pleasure is in the journey. If you do get more into it, I really do recommend a safeword. This will allow him to be able to fight back and say "No please no" while at the same time, you will know that is just play. If he says RED, you know to actually stop. Being able to say no...while meaning yes, makes it feel more real for the submissive too. It can play into the fantasy.

8

I'm very shy and quiet, but I have some really kinki/dirty ideas some of which I wouldn't even say to my wife!

9

Thanks everyone, I'm not ready to peg him yet the idea really appeals but I'm just really nervous about that, I'm not into humiliation and I don't think he is either. I have started a list which I told him about not finished it yet though. I have mentioned about getting a paddle which he liked the idea of as much as I can guess as he doesn't really say much, he didn't say no anyway. I was thinking of gettin some things for Valentines day after he has completed the list. A paddle and a butt plug will be on top of my list for him. I have tied him up before and blindfolded him I have also fingered him but just the one finger and used anal beads on him. Will look at the other threads suggested thanks.

10

A strap on is not such a big jump from what you have tried so far. It doesn't have to be done to humiliate him or feminise him. It can be done because it feels nice! Sounds like you might enjoy it too!

The LH beginners harness would be a good start. It is not too expensive if he is not keen but easy to get bigger attachments if you get into it more.

11

Totally agree with AsYouWish. Strap-on play is often portrayed as sub male and Femdom in porn, but it doesn't HAVE to be used that way. There are plenty of couples who do not have a D/s or power exchange relationship who enjoy using strap-on for anal play.

The strap-on can be benefit for many reasons other than power and control. The biggest imo are:

1) It frees up your hands. If you are penetrating with a dildo attached to your front, both your hands are free for *ahem* other types of stimulation.

2) Different positions: When using your fingers or a dildo alone to penetrate someone, you tend to be sat between their legs, or in a position that will allow your hands access to the area. With the dong attached to your waist, you can snuggle up, spoon him, use your hands to hold is body and kiss him...rather than being between his legs. You can be closer/more intimate. So, it offers different options.

It can feel a little strange at first (it definitely gives you a mans perspective of how tiring all that thrusting is! lol) but it is not as difficult to master as it seems. Remember, you can also get smaller strap-on toys for beginners/intermediates, if hurting him is a worry.

Of course, I'm not saying "get one", if you are not ready yet, don't. I am just saying, it doesn't have to be as big and scary (or domly) as it is perceived.

12

Take it slow, always intrigues me more dominant women.