Sub wanting to switch! Advice?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

So, usually I'm really submissive with my boyfriend. We've tried slave/master roleplay and we have some bondage gear (handcuffs, bed restraint, paddle, collar, ankle cuffs - the usual).

We've decided to have a go at trying the reverse. I have VERY little idea what to do.

I'm blonde, so I got this wig (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=29762) and some wet-look clothes to try an 'alter-ego' thing.

Any advice how to go about dominating a man? I guess everything goes, except anal on his side.

2

I think alter ego thing is certainly the way to start... It is taking on a totally different persona,... Method actors emerse themselves in the role to get it playing right. Feel and look like a Dom will certainly get you thinking a bit more like a Dom. Wear it around the house a bit when no one is in, and " get into the role"...
That would be how I would tackle it from your position.

Enjoy

3

You may want to look at a little bit of porn re dominatrix or find a story along those lines just to give you ideas then you can Roleplay for your own situation incorporating what ideas work for you. Best thing is to relax and have fun. Enjoy Xx

4

Hi Annsie, we all naturally fall in to one or the other and trying to switch is a great idea to push back your sexual exploration. As he is not into anal play and because being dominant is doing what you want, why not agree so built the trust reassure him you aren't going touch his butt but you want to put him in a position of insecurity and slight unknown. Make him kneel away from maybe near the edge of the bed and you sit on a chair behind him. This does many thing as a man you feel vulnerable and you can't see. Tell him you arn't going near his butt but you really want to see it just window shopping that's all. Get his head and shoulders down but up. Cover the whole area in lube and enjoy giving him a reverse HJ pulling his penis back towards you and down away from his body. Pay a lot of attention to his balls pull them down too but just a little harder than normal and although he doesn't like anal just an inch or two down from it, towards the penis is a area as it is the base of the penis and is where the prostate is on other. To press and rub area whilst giving a hand job is very nice.

5

Thanks naughty mum! I was thinking of wearing the wig when we go out sometimes, so he KNOWS it's my turn to be in control. Wearing it alone should be interesting - I'll definitely try that out!

LilMiss - I looked some things up but I failed at finding good videos that didn't involve pegging. Any dominatrix recommendations? Names would help a lot! I found one lady who made her man give her oral through tights, which I thought might be fun.

Gentle giant, I'll definitely try the teasing thing and building trust. Thing is, I'm not sure paying attention to his balls would be a great idea. I've tried it a few times and almost EVERY time he ends up bursting into laughter and getting ticklish. Hardly the intended effect when I'm trying to be dominant :')

Thanks for the pressing/rubbing recommendation though!

6

Annsie wrote:

Thanks naughty mum! I was thinking of wearing the wig when we go out sometimes, so he KNOWS it's my turn to be in control. Wearing it alone should be interesting - I'll definitely try that out!

LilMiss - I looked some things up but I failed at finding good videos that didn't involve pegging. Any dominatrix recommendations? Names would help a lot! I found one lady who made her man give her oral through tights, which I thought might be fun.

Gentle giant, I'll definitely try the teasing thing and building trust. Thing is, I'm not sure paying attention to his balls would be a great idea. I've tried it a few times and almost EVERY time he ends up bursting into laughter and getting ticklish. Hardly the intended effect when I'm trying to be dominant :')

Thanks for the pressing/rubbing recommendation though!

I am maybe going to blow the dominant woman myth out of the water here, but I am a dominant woman in a D/s relationship and I think sex should be fun, no matter how you do it. I think as you develop confidence within your own dominance, you can relax about the awkward silence, or the giggles, because you can turn it all to your advantage. He's giggling? Great! See, now you have an excuse to do many things, depending on your preferences. You could "punish" him for giggling, (Spanks, Gag him with your panties and tell him not to let them fall out of his mouth, Tie him down and tickle him MORE!) So many options. Once you sink into the role, go with the flow. My advice: Don't try to be a cookie cutter uber femdom. Allow your natural personality to come through, including cheekiness, loving, tenderness...Oh you can still be in full control and be tender and loving. Reassure yourself that you can just be you, albeit leading the scene.

This is how you begin. Communicate after each session, ask questions, what did you both like, what was not so interesting...do this and continue to build up your own dominance and repertoire of techniques.

Ways to show your control does not always equal pain and screaming in his face. Tease him, build him up and then as he gets close, deny him the orgasm, don't let him tip over yet. Remember that it blows most peoples minds to please their partner and this can be especially true of a submissive. They WANT to please...so spend a little time thinking about what you might do to him, but also spend an equal, if not more, amount of time planning what you are going to get him to do to you. Speak up. Say "Kiss me here" ..."Slow down"...."Did I say you could kiss me THERE?...Go back, start again".. (Get him slowly kissing up your thigh this way, now and again denying him when he gets oh so close to what he really wants.

Just have fun, laugh, be yourself but take control and allow it to develop naturally within you. Let him push his luck, even occasionally get his way, but always be ready to insert your control over the scene and how it plays out.

Best of luck!

7

Fluffbags wrote:

I am maybe going to blow the dominant woman myth out of the water here, but I am a dominant woman in a D/s relationship and I think sex should be fun, no matter how you do it. I think as you develop confidence within your own dominance, you can relax about the awkward silence, or the giggles, because you can turn it all to your advantage. He's giggling? Great! See, now you have an excuse to do many things, depending on your preferences. You could "punish" him for giggling, (Spanks, Gag him with your panties and tell him not to let them fall out of his mouth, Tie him down and tickle him MORE!) So many options. Once you sink into the role, go with the flow. My advice: Don't try to be a cookie cutter uber femdom. Allow your natural personality to come through, including cheekiness, loving, tenderness...Oh you can still be in full control and be tender and loving. Reassure yourself that you can just be you, albeit leading the scene.

This is how you begin. Communicate after each session, ask questions, what did you both like, what was not so interesting...do this and continue to build up your own dominance and repertoire of techniques.

Ways to show your control does not always equal pain and screaming in his face. Tease him, build him up and then as he gets close, deny him the orgasm, don't let him tip over yet. Remember that it blows most peoples minds to please their partner and this can be especially true of a submissive. They WANT to please...so spend a little time thinking about what you might do to him, but also spend an equal, if not more, amount of time planning what you are going to get him to do to you. Speak up. Say "Kiss me here" ..."Slow down"...."Did I say you could kiss me THERE?...Go back, start again".. (Get him slowly kissing up your thigh this way, now and again denying him when he gets oh so close to what he really wants.

Just have fun, laugh, be yourself but take control and allow it to develop naturally within you. Let him push his luck, even occasionally get his way, but always be ready to insert your control over the scene and how it plays out.

Best of luck!

Thank you so much! I really like that perspective. I'm gonna find that A LOT easier than simply treating him badly like I've seen in some fem-dom videos.

I'm gonna use the panty gagging thing, and denying orgasm is sure to work. This is really useful. I MIGHT try the punishing thing if he gets ticklish, but I'm worried it might eventually change his reaction to it - weirdly enough, I find it pretty cute how he giggles when I do it. Trying it a few times shouldn't do any harm though.

Since you seem to have a lot of experience with being dominant as a woman, any idea what other things I could do?