So I’m a very open minded man when it comes to sex, with a lot of kinks, and there is very limits to what I’d do and try with my wife. Things off the table are mainly involving a third party and urine/feacal matter. The problem I’m having is that my wife isn’t very open minded or adventurous like I am and is very much on the “vanilla” side of things, and doesn’t really have any kinks. Don’t get me wrong we have done some adventurous things in the past, however they seem to be extremely very far and inbetween. Of course I enjoy the sex and foreplay we currently do, but I want more. It is always me that suggests something new and tries to get the ball rolling on certain things but she usually shuts them down. I have tried speaking to her many times and asking her what she wants and what her fantasies are but she never tells me anything. I feel like if I keep bringing it up she will get frustrated. I obviously don’t want to make her uncomfortable or anything like that or force her into anything she doesn’t want to do but how to I get her to open up and be more willing to experiment sexually. We’ve been married for 2 years but together for 11. Any tips and advice, or any suggestions on things for me.to talk to.her about trying would be great. Thanks all!
Hi @JDW1
I think you need to have a frank but non-accusatory (on both sides) discussion - away from the bedroom - about the fact that you have needs and desires that aren’t currently being met.
If, at the end of that process, you find you’re still hitting a brick wall re. your wife’s willingness to get kinky, then I’m afraid you really have to respect her right to only do what she’s comfortable with.
If that situation is grinding your gears to the point that it is making your marriage miserable and filled with resentment, then - awful as it may sound - you may have to consider what’s more important to you: your sexual needs/desires or your love for your wife in other respects.
It’s never easy when two people find themselves at odds in the bedroom. In the end it will always come down to what matters to you most.
Have that talk. Particularly, try to find out if there is anything unspoken that is inhibiting the woman you love from being more adventurous. Hormonal changes? Feeling awkward/body conscious/unattractive? Keep in mind, though, that at the end of the day, your wife may just like vanilla sex and dislike kink!
Good luck. 
Great advice already stated, bit you could always go kinky on the solo, self restraints, pop a butt plug in nipple clamps. Plenty of thing you can do solo that might tick off your box.
As stated, a conversation is going to be the best way and explain to her what you like, make sure she knows that you aware that all or some if it may not be to her liking and ask if she would like to try any of it.
Maybe shop for a toy together and see if she’s open to that first… slowly slowly.
Without knowing what your kinks are its hard to advise fully.
I’ve recently introduced my husband to my kinks after 16 years being together. He was dubious and as I’m submissive was quite a task for him to take on. I’m hugely into impact and restraint. Were going slowly and discovering things together. Turns out he seems to have a slight primal kink!!
If you like impact for instance, maybe ask if she would be happy with you smacking her ass cheeks slightly in doggy. A relatively vanilla act, but she may love it. If you’re the one that likes to receive, ask if she would smack you. She may be shy. Its a daunting world and there are many misconceptions.
LH do a series on you tube called bondage gone Wilde. Maybe watch that together and see if anything appeals to her. Watch 50 shades… definately not a research point and although hugely critisicised by the kink community, this film/book opened the world up to the fact that kink is out there and can be erotic and sexy and not just people torturing each other.
Sorry for the ramble and could probably go on for ages but I’ll stop there and wish you luck on your journey!!
I think the best way is to sit down with your wife , we’ll away from the house, maybe when out for a walk.
Say you are both committed to your relationship and want your sex life to be as fulfilling as possible for both of you. Explain you wouldn’t want to to get to a later point in life and be saying we wish we had done x y or z when younger and wasted so many opportunities.
Tell her you are not prepared to allow your sex life to become mundane as she means that much to you and giving her maximum pleasure is so arousing to you…you want your sex life to be as good as it possibly can.
Letting her know you are not suggesting anything extreme and exploring new ideas together could be such fun. Let her know any ideas that she has would thrill you enormously.
Knowing you love her and her beautiful body can help with loosening her up.
If she doesn’t have any toys , buy her a gift of one or some lovely sexy underwear… something you wanted to give her , just for her.
I hope you get the desired results.
We live in a world where slut-shaming and kink-shaming are common. Certain kinks are treated as the butt of jokes, or a source of shame, while often being completely misunderstood.
If kink is something that your wife might think about privately, it is also very possible that she is concerned about expressing this openly.
On the other hand, kinks of yours could be a complete turn-off or trigger a troubling memory for your wife, so it’s good to be open minded about why she might not be open to trying things out or even discussing them.
On the subject of misunderstanding, different people have very different ideas to one another about what particular kinks represent, and how they play out in a loving relationship.
Take watersports, for example: I once used to associate it simply with extreme degradation and ‘dirtiness’. Of course this idea can be the point, and is played on by many people, but it doesn’t have to be the only or even the main focus. It can be a loving act of giving in a consenting relationship where it’s truly desired. Perhaps an act of freedom from a world of rules? I understand now it’s usually done in a bath, shower or wet-room, and with high levels of hydration so it can also be ‘clean’.
Watersports isn’t on my own wishlist of kinks to try, but I now know enough about it to appreciate why others would be into it.
Knowing the intention, and understanding the pleasure it gives can be super important to understanding why someone would want to do something you might consider strange, unpleasant, or even shameful.
For my wife & I, it took over a decade together to really start talking about our kinks and desires in an open and honest way. As @Kh1985 said, there are many misconceptions.
Soooo many misconceptions, it turn out! I know I had (& maybe still have) lots! 
I eventually found a BDSM quiz online many years ago, which we printed out, and gave scores (between 0 and 5) to show a preference for particular things we love, might be interested to try out, or stuff that was a really definite hard no. Most of these quizzes (sometimes referred to as “BDSM contracts”) incorporate very vanilla acts, accessories, situations, etc. so there’s no problem with most people finding something they will score highly.
It really helped us both to verbalise stuff we were a bit shy to talk about, and to understand where the other was coming from. It turned out to be a really great way for us to communicate, where talking had sometimes gone in circles without much progress.
We turned out to be super vanilla on some things and kinky as in a surprising number of ways 
What’s really interesting is the overlap where we both had major turn-ons that had never come up in conversation. Or sometimes I’d misread the clues my wife had given me, and vice-versa.
There’s absolutely loads of things I would love to try that are hard limits for my wife. I can fantasise about these but I know these aren’t ever going to be fun for her. On balance however, we have an amazing relationship in many ways besides sex, and there’s so much we both really love to do together in our sex lives. I hope you and your wife can find plenty of common ground too.
From our own experience, it’s been really helpful for us both to get to a place where there’s a common understanding about where the boundaries are. We tend to have these discussions at different times to actual sex and it comes from a place of wanting to positively invest in our relationship rather than a negotiation or confrontation.
This ongoing conversation puts us both in a really good place for knowing how to respect each other, keep things interesting, surprise each other, and so-on.
We like to revisit the quiz every now and then, and tweak the questions slightly… because people can change 
I feel for you and know exactly what you are going through . This will be our 34th year being married . We were married many years before I found out she had a bit of an anal fetish ( mine ) . I found this out after a night of quite heavy drinking while preforming 69 . All of a sudden without notice I felt a finger up my bum . That opened the door to pegging and ass play . Turns out even after quizzing her about things she wanted to do , she never mentioned it . More recently I bought several of LH’s card games , Talk dirty and another I can not think of at the moment . Surprisingly they can get her going . Unfortunately she is disabled and a pain patient so almost zero participation . I on the other hand have more toys and sexual items for self pleasure . She will ( if feeling up to it ) hand peg me and recently said she would be up to re enacting a short porn video I showed her . Where she would milk me and then use my cum to lube me for pegging .
I find it interesting she does not mind me licking my cum off her tits or cleaning up her pussy after sex or even snowball . But never wants to feed me my own cum . I still never know what might trigger her on a particular kink . Could be a normal movie or even a joke .
Good luck !
I’m exactly the same as you ??
It’s amazing how many people are perfectly matched in most aspects of their lives but not so when it comes to sexual drives and kinks. We were in a similar position to you until approximately 7 years ago. Then bit by bit my kinks have been explored, sometimes reluctantly, and we are now in a different place and one with my wife’s agreement is far nearer where I want to be. It started with a fairly tame piece of lingerie and vibrator from another retailer, progressed through a dabble into wet look outfits, this has since evolved into a wide range, mainly because my wife likes them and looks great in them. She actually purchased a riding crop so that was great as well and I simply blurted out to her during dressing up sessions that I wanted nipple clamps, she was already fully aware of the pleasure I gained through her playing with them, and again was happy for me to purchase several pairs. My wish to have cock rings came about in a similar way, we discussed during sessions and I purchased. She’s happy for me to wear them. Our latest , or should I say, my latest purchase, is a cock cage and we are exploring chastity play. This isn’t moving as fast as I would like but it has to be consensual.
So I guess that over a period of years although my wife didn’t seem to have many kinks we have slowly adopted mine ! These are utilised during planned play sessions not on a daily basis, she now adopts more of the role of a dom during these, almost like I was visiting an escort. It works for us. And she knows that the wet look clothing teamed with high heeled patent boots and collar (another purchase she was happy to have) makes her look fab