Sorry to hear how things are at the moment.
Ive been/currently am getting used to open talking with the OH. Sometimes about stupid stuff and other times about life/feelings and things like my fears, the main one being that i always think she’ll find someone better and leave (even though we’ve been together nearly 3 decades and i actually do a fair share of everything).
Its very hard, but your OH and yourself could do with a conversation so she can help you with your load. Im sure she would be more than willing to listen as you say she’s very supportive and probably, as with ourselves, everything seems normal because you keep it bottled up.
I wont lie and say its easy but it definitely is an absolute weight off once you’ve talked (and cried) about how daft you feel, I’ve done it and we are in a much better place now.
As for the ‘important’ things, bills wise etc we put everything in a notepad month by month, dates/costs so we’re organised all year.
Same for holidays from work or going out. All in a book.
Definitely get help from wherever you can, theres so much good help out there when you finally get through to the right person.
Good luck, I’m sending you the strength i mustered up, hope it all goes well 
Not sure if that was intentional or not, but this is one of the path to mindfulness.
Concentrating on physical sensation rather than the noise in our heads.
Our heads can be our worst enemy, constant chatter of stress and useless noise. Ignoring it takes training but is very helpful.
Once you are able to recongise these stressful thoughts as unwanted noise and chatter, it becomes easier with time to ignore them and chase them away.
Good luck.
I have read about mindfulness, but rarely practiced it.
The benefit of doing it helped a lot. I had to do it again today… went to a large supermarket, on a sunday and it was madness - music was too loud - and I could feel the anxiety within 5 minutes and I nearly dumped the shopping and ran. Anyway, got stuff and left, and pulled over on the way home and did breathing in the quiet.
I’ve done some mindfulness exercises and they do really help. There are plenty of videos on youtube. I always wear headphones when I leave the house, they help me isolate and when I’m in a particularly busy place I find that classical music helps to calm me and never go grocery shopping at the weekend. A home delivery is so much better for your sanity or mid week if you really have to go.
You’re doing really well at recognising when you’re getting overwhelmed and soothing yourself out of the panic. Sometimes just putting a name to the emotion can be really helpful in understanding it. If you ever need help with that, look up the emotions wheel on google. You seem to be doing great with knowing how you feel, its just something that I’ve found that is helpful for me when I can’t decipher my feelings and I get hyper focused on it.
@MrSilverback sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of things. I can only suggest getting in touch with your gp who may be fit to guide you somewhere in the right direction or get in touch with the likes of lifeline who have helped me in the past and could help point you in the right direction. One thing i have also found has helped me but is not everyones cup of tea is meditation, i find this helps to relax me and relieve some stress there is plenty of meditation apps you can download
Thought I would post an update here…
While I haven’t reached out support yet, I am taking steps to try a sort things out. I am working on
- Going to bed earlier for better sleep (difficult some days due to restless legs, and a noisy neighbour who like to slam doors and have the odd party to 3am)
- Exercising more by running and using the office gym
- Trying to declutter and remove the crap piles (although I have been less successful)
- Taking multi-vitamins - I am finding the darker nights harder this year
- Taking timeout when feeling overwhelmed
Most of these are helping I think.
It has been a difficult few weeks. Yesterday was a hard day - 2 school runs with extra traffic due to roadworks, a full work day, chores, cooking tea, getting kids to bed. I was exhausted.
I continue to struggle to communicate and act on the decisions that I make in my head. My indecision is a frequent friction point, I feel that I need to remove the distractions and unfinished jobs to get going, but getting those done is hard enough.
I have ‘self harmed’ twice since my last post, but I am recognising the triggers, so am getting better at working past it.
Thanks, and wishing good health
Mr S
@MrSilverback
I honestly don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said above ….but You’ve Got This!
The hardest step by far is to try and grab a hold and move forward before it drags you to deep ….Keep moving forward,….stay strong and reach out when you need to. 
sending strength and positive vibes your way.
Sending massive hugs 
. So sorry to hear things are hard right now. Taking a moment for yourself is always hard but glad that you are trying. Have you got a close friend that you can talk to when you feel really low. It sounds really weird but even one of your partner’s friend maybe. So pleased to hear that you are recognising your triggers and hopefully these are becoming less frequent.
I’m glad that you feel you can express yourself here and know that there is always someone there for you. Sending lots of love and care your way 
@MrSilverback . I think you are just struggling with the demands of modern life.
In some instances like your own they can become overwhelming.
Ii believe you need to press the re-set button and prioritise what is most important and focus on that…the other shit can wait.
On the list of changes youve made, you are doing all the right things.
Exercise is fantastic for your mood and wellbeing. Get those feel good endorphins pumping through your system.
On vitimins , take a high does of Vit D3 + K2. Its the best one if any to take as just about every part of your body responds to it.
Go for a walk somewhere quiet and roar at the top of your voice , get the tension out and say bring it on… get your mind in the right place and you can take on the world… you can do it big guy , just keep saying
" come ahead, bring it on"
If you’re finding the darker nights harder, maybe consider getting a light box for sufferers of S.A.D. or making the most of any sunshine by going for a walk?
There’s always support here, 24/7 if you need it.
Been thinking of a SAD light. I’ll take a look.
As for friends, sadly it is colleagues and the wife. The couple of colleagues I would talk too have their own problems, or we are too busy for a chat. And talking to my BFF (wife) is a non-starter like I said 
.
These posts have been helpful to organise my thoughts.
At least you feel you can open up to ppl on here. It sounds like there is always someone around, day or night. Keeping things bottled up is not good for you and in turn will not be good for your wife to see you upset or worried. I hope there is a little light at the end of your rainbow 
