So things are a little stale between the OH and I. I'd like to bring the fun and excitement back, and I know this will take time. I've tried various things that haven't ignited any kind of spark yet so it's possibly onto the next thing. Obviously the absolute last thing I want to do is force anything or pressure her into anything she doesn't want. Trouble is if I try and talk about our sex life she clams up and won't talk. It wasn't always like this, we used to be able to be very open with each other.
Anyway I was wanting some input on surprising her with a new toy, possibly mid session and if this would be a good, or possibly horrendous idea in the eyes of a woman.
My thought was a small butt plug. We do have anal sex occasionally and she always comes that little bit harder and quicker with my finger in her bum. She likes to be tied and blindfolded but I can't decide if introducing a plug for the first time when she's tied up is a terrible idea or not.
Last time we talked about plugs was a loooong time ago and she was hesitant, but that was before we did more anal play and she was mainly put off not by a plug in itself but I think more by the idea of being that into anal that she has a dedicated toy.
Anyway long post but in short, surprise toys , good idea? Bad idea?
Don't think it's a terrible idea, you just have to make sure that you are sure the moment is right. If she likes anal play then maybe something like the frisky feather bunny butt plug. I recently bought one and it is lovely and fun and it's small. You could use the feathers to brush over her to caress and tease without revealing it is a butt plug and then if you feel it's right ask her if she like to use it.
Hmm. Tricky one as obviously you'll know her better than we do!
Personally, I'd love being surprised by a toy. I would not love it being introduced mid session though. This could be totally different for your OH, but I'd definitely prefer to meet the new arrival in a neutral environment, so to speak, and check it out before play time begins. Some people prefer trying out a new toy on their own for the first time to be comfortable with it too, this was definitely the case with my first butt plug where I informed my OH he could watch but it would be ME inserting it. I was pretty damn nervous and honestly I like to make sure any toy is a good fit for my body with my own hands before I hand over the control to someone else. I guess it depends if you think she'd like you taking control or is she the type to like to be in control of the situation?
If you're really not sure she'll like the toy you pick, you could mix it in with some of the more non threatening, pampering items on here as a little bundle to take the pressure off having to get it exactly right. The 3 for £10 deal has some nice things like bath bombs, massage candles/oils/hot rocks, little card games, even a nice bullet vibe (though it'll be leaving the offer soon as it is a 'special guest'!). Depending on what you have already, there's lots of little things on there that are great for spicing things up.
I guess you could also have a 'strategy poke' before you buy it, as in tie her up, blindfold her and see if she is receptive to a finger going near her bottom while she is in that position? If she enjoys it then I wouldn't see a problem with doing the same thing next time only sliding the tip of the plug in after, see if she can guess what it is, make a bit of a game of it. If she tenses up, she tenses up, you take the blindfold off and show her. If she enjoys a finger then a plug is a pretty logical next step, would be surprised if she didn't appreciate it :)
Maybe browse the site together and treat her to something?
I think anal toys can be a bit iffy if youre buying for someone else. Even if shes happy with a bit of finger, thats a different feeling to wearing a plug!
Buy her a suprise toy, yeah go for it as if she doesn't like it then there's always the returns policy. But I wouldn't go suprising her mid session particularly if she has clammed up when you have spoken with her previously.
Communication is key, try to talk to her again. Good luck.
Have you asked her why she clams up and is hesitant in talking about it? Has she had children of late? Or suffering low confidence? I personally wouldn't by a sex toy as a surprise just yet, it could make her feel cornered or more hesitant. I would speak to her instead and tell her you're concerns.
Ummm yeah I vote no. If ya'll can't even talk about it I'm not sure this is gonna help. It may even offend her.
Also in my book a new toy being used on me while tied up without discussing it / seeing it first would be something that would be an issue. I agree with others that anal play is tricky as well. I had to get comfortable on my own with those toys before I let my partner go there.
If you looking for a spark maybe ask her to get on the site and start her own wishlist? Lingerie can also be a solid mood enhancer and a lovely gift to spice it up.
Just my 2 cents here. You know her best but trying to help here.
Ummm yeah I vote no. If ya'll can't even talk about it I'm not sure this is gonna help. It may even offend her.
Also in my book a new toy being used on me while tied up without discussing it / seeing it first would be something that would be an issue. I agree with others that anal play is tricky as well. I had to get comfortable on my own with those toys before I let my partner go there.
If you looking for a spark maybe ask her to get on the site and start her own wishlist? Lingerie can also be a solid mood enhancer and a lovely gift to spice it up.
Just my 2 cents here. You know her best but trying to help here.
I agree with . Surprising with toys, you need to tread carefully more so with anal play.
I am a bit of an old fashioned type of guy and if the spark has gone out a bit , then I recommend more romance than sex. Go out and spoil her. Why not have a look together at the lingerie pages of Love Honey and choose something together. Then perhaps whilst she is wearing a dress over that lingerie have a nice meal together with the kids out of the way if you have them or go out for that meal . I am sure something like that will help to restore her confidence and help to change her mood as you would have made her feel very special .
Personally i would try to figure out why she is so hesitant latley, and then go for it. I love surprises, however she may not like the idea and could make it worse for you both.
Personally I wouldn't suddenly whip it out for the first time while she's all tied up as you tend to feel a little vulnerable in this position and she might feel a bit under pressure to use it there and then ( and I'm not in any way suggesting that you'd pressurise her ) .
Maybe buy her some nice lingerie that you know she'd like and wrap up the butt plug in it as a surprise but then leave it to her to decide when she wants to try it out. Just tell her that it'd turn you on to see her use it but you'd understand if she wants to try it out on her own first. You say you've talked about butt plugs years ago but people do change and what was taboo then might not be now but she could just feel for whatever reason, a bit shy about admitting it.
That sounds like it could be a good idea, but I would not introduce it mid session she might freek. I would wrap the chosen item and leave it on her pillow when you go to work for her to find, she might want to experiment with it on her own before using it in a session. Remember lube.
If she likes to be tied up and blindfolded, I would probably try some sensory play, warm, cold, feathers.
You could also consider a small/beginner set of anal beeds.