Switching

How do I become a switch for my new partner? I’ve always been a sub but he wants me to dominate him in the bedroom also, any tips or advice please… I want to do the things he wants but I’m scared I won’t be able to switch roles that easily

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@melb8103
Welcome to the forum

I was in your situation a few years ago but can now say I’m very good at being the dom in the bedroom

Remember it’s all play - but try to image the man is not your partner as it’s not easy to switch from a loving woman to a bi#ch in the bedroom

Start with your lingerie- dress in sexy but masterful- black works well and start with spanking - be forceful - tell him (with a stern voice) to bend over the chair / bed/ knee and pull his pants down and using a paddle or your hand give a few spanks

From there get his reaction- does he want more - if so Continue

You may want to move him to wear a bit of sexy lingerie while you dominate him

Remember safe words and talk to him before and ask him what he wants - you could sit on his face as well - always fun

Keep us updated on your progress :paddle:

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You need to have a clear understanding of what he means by you dominating him and what turns him on most? Is he looking for you to take charge (domination) or is it more the physical play (topping)? Or is it both?

If you are nervous about actually dominating him then incorporating more of you topping him into your sex life can be a good place to start. Decide together what turns you both in most; his pleasure, his pain or your pleasure. Or mix and match whatever combination you like. Just don’t try and do everything you can think of the first time. Add in a couple of things to your usual play and go from there.

When it comes to domination, find your own character. Are you mean and cruel or nurturing and encouraging? Are you a goddess to be worshipped and obeyed? Are you a tease? Are you a bully or hard to please? Are you demanding and maybe bratty? Are you strict and unforgiving? Don’t try and force yourself into being something you aren’t, find a style that fits you and that you can enjoy being.

If you get stuck mid scene:

  • Pause. Take a moment, pace around him, inspect him, watch him. Tweak his posture or have him move position (still stuck, tell him you’ve changed your mind and have him move back)
  • Ask him what to do next. Obviously don’t say you’ve run out of ideas but ask him in a sexy way something like “what would you love me to do right now?”. You’ve then got 3 options: do it, don’t do it and do something that’s hopefully popped into your head by this point, or ask him what he’s willing to do/take for it.

If things go a bit wrong:

  • if it’s the wrong kind of pain, check in with him, make sure he’s ok
  • if it’s something silly, laugh about it
    And then if you are both good, get back to what you were doing.

He’ll forgive any awkwardness.

I’m going thru a mildly similar thing - wanting my female OH to come out of her shell and embrace her sexy, dominant side. Nothing you try will be wrong. He’ll just be stoked you tried.

… at least that’s what I feel/hope.

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You definitely need to have a long talk with him to establish exactly what he would like from you as the Domme otherwise you’ll just be guessing and that’s not helpful to either of you.

We made this change recently and, unusually for us, we had a very honest discussion about what I wanted to happen versus what she was prepared to do and we came up with a series of activities that we were both happy with. In reality, once she got started, she found that she wanted to push her boundaries further than she expected so that was even better for both of us.

As regards getting into the role she has a LH Fierce wet look zip around long sleeved body and a matching Fierce wet look pencil skirt. When she ties back her hair and put on this combination she mentally switches immediately into Domme mode and I turn straight into her sub.

Some great advice above. Definitely communicate, and we have alway had safe words, one to ease off and one to complete stop play ( not that they have been need but reassurance to us both)

The first time I dominated Mr 0 I tied him up and then slipped on a blind fold, took the nerves down a bit, as well as stopped him from seeing me fumbling or hesitating on what to do next, while he was just feeling like I was adding to his suspense. Just feel any gapes with thing you already know, tease and edge. When I look back now after learning so much more it really wasn’t great but Mr 0 still reminisces on that first time as one of the best. I’m sure he will love the fact that you are willing to give it ago for him just make sure you communicate. Good luck
(Mrs)

Welcome to the forum! Maybe watch some online video clips to try get inspired?

Thanks everyone, I’m seeing him tomorrow so we’ll see how it goes …

A bunch of already great replies to your post so I don’t think I can add much. I am a switch with a preference for Dom. The one comment I will make that I didn’t see in the replies is that you have to be interested in the roll reversal otherwise it won’t work.

Some great replies. My one personal piece of advice (that I think has more or less been said elsewhere) is to be very clear about what your hard limits are, and what your partner’s are. I actually started Domme, met a man who was very clear about who the head of the household was, and now I can occasionally unleash his subbie side from time to time :grin:

Before my husband I had a couple of subs ask me to do things that I wasn’t comfortable with, including 24/7 BDSM (far too much commitment for someone who didn’t see a future in the relationship anyway), pegging (just not my style of Domination) and CBT (again). My Domme side is more sensual/Mommy Domme than a harsh Mistress, so I had to let them go to find someone who would better suit their wants and needs. Discuss your interests definitely, but you may also need to consider alternatives (non-monogamy, pro-Dom) if one of his big kinks is a no-no for you. I wish you the best! :slight_smile:

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Great insight @Tenshadesandme

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@be3169 thankyou :slight_smile:

I have attended a few hard core BDsm parties where switches (pardon the term) were treated like trash. At other all lifestyle type parties they were welcomed. Is it not like being bisexual? One simply likes to play both sides?

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Try being a switch who can be a bratty sub. I was so incensed by the hatred that I received from one person, it inspired me to write a whole post on brats in BDSM!

To answer your question, yes, some say it’s “greedy”. Really, for me at least it’s not so much about what’s available for me, but how I get along with someone. I’ve met people where the power dynamic has made me very much subservient to them, and then I’ve also met a Dom who wanted to lick my boots by the end of the night. Some partners have also wanted to switch with me, not because one nor the other has power but because it’s just a fun way to be. A lot of this “greed”, I think, is really just a projection of one’s inability to find a partner.

Bratty sub is a great point and one I hadn’t even though of because it’s not my thing but a very valid description.

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I think even within brats you get different kinds of brat. I’m known to be generally odedient if a little sassy, but I owned a sub once that would try to manipulate me into punishing him, instead of asking for it directly. If everybody is onboard then what works for you, works for you, but manipulation is never okay.