take it or leave it? advice..

Off-Topic Chat
1

ok so usually i get sex once a fortnight or if im lucky twice... so far its been a week and half since i last had sex.. its always my OH who has a say on wether it happens or not, so its seems to be him getting it when he wants it all the time and me just waiting.. so earlier he said he might want sex later...

my question is... do i take it while i can get it or do i play his game and leave him without?

im really gagging for it but its nothing my vibe cant fix lol

what does everybody recommend?? especially people who remember my earlier post about our relationship being a bit rocky at the moment...

2

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it sounds like he is using you when and if he pleases at the moment - you're heavily pregnant and you can't even get a cuddle from him yet he wants sex almost on demand.

Would turn him down (my opinion) but just bear in mind it may cause an argument in the process.

Sorry you're having a *EDIT* rubbish time especially this time of year :<

3

not heavily pregnant hun, 8 weeks, but i understand what you mean

4

This sounds like a heavily complicated situation, on the one hand you don't want to get cought in a vicious cycle of revenge and fighting, but on the other hand he's gotta understand that he can't just use you when he wants and drop you when he doesn't...

5

i just really need a release right now lol.. i keep thinking if i do different things then he'll want me more... but his sex drive is just completely poop!

6

Never enough wrote:

not heavily pregnant hun, 8 weeks, but i understand what you mean

Brain fart, though months not weeks, doh!

Even so, still stand by everything else I said.

7

Sorry not read your earlier post, so don't know the history, but i think that your oh seems to be trying to control you, i would refuse him and although this probably will cause a bit of friction, he needs to know he can't just have it on his terms.

hope this helps, although always it's easier said than done x

8

Refusing sex may just increase the feeling of distance he has, which may be one of the many factors affecting his sex drive. If he doesn't get it he will seek to exercise his excess energy/frustration elsewhere... gambling perhaps.

9

Have you both talked about this?

Sorry but he sounds very selfish to me.

10

It sounds like you have a few relationship issues. I would personally question how serious this relationship is and where it is going. Revenge is childish but so is being selfish about witholding affection and sex from your partner.
I personally don't think you should grudging have sex just because your partner wants it ehen you are not in the mood as it just feels like rape. it needs to be a mutual desire and affection, and if that has gone you need to sit down and have a conversation about it.

11

I think he is out of order and trying to control you. Next time he says its time........try and use that time to communicate and not to service his needs. The only thing that will resolve this is understanding each others needs. If he won't take time to understand and respond to your needs then he clearly doesn't deserve you.

12

Hi sounds like you both need to sit down and have a good talk, sex is never a one way thing and to have sex just when he wants it is not good.

I dont know him but as others have said he is controlling you. If it were me i would get my release from my vib and try talking to him.

You sound a wondeful person and he needs to fully understand you or risk loosing you.

13

You've got to talk....

Good luck

14

Leave it. Something similar happened with my ex and he got sex when he wanted it, which was alot, but I felt used. I was used and for a long time too. When it came to an end, I realised just how bad it had gotten. It has ruined my sex life to this day... over 2 years later! A relationship is a two way street in every kind of way hun. Don't ignore the problem but don't let him use you. I hope things work out for you :)

15

No advice. What would the point be? For every person advising you to retaliate, there will be someone telling you not to retaliate.

There is a quite interesting discussion group elsewhere on the Net:

http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/332

There are some 40K+ user accounts associated with it, although I am sure many are not genuinely associated. Alao, the name of the group is somewhat misleading; it isn't just about people who aren't getting any at all, but plenty of people like yourself who aren't getting it as often as you would wish. Og getting it, but perfunctorily. Have a read. It probably won't give you any answers, but it might provide you with a wider, deeper insight into your predicament.

The problem with this sort of issue and the discussions that take place about it is that you rarely ever hear from those on the other side of the equation. That is, those who don't see that there is a problem, or prefer to figuratively stick their heads in the sand about it.

There are many common themes that keep cropping up, such as in the end it is usually not just about the sex, or the lack of it. It usually involves wider personality traits or characteristics. You shuld just read as much as you can, until your eyes want to pop. And of course there is some horrific dross and trolling.

I might only tentatively suggest a couple of thoughts. One, reflect on the process that has got you to where you are now, rather than think of how you fix the problem in terms of where you are now.

The 'why' really is important, although you may finding out what it actually is may completely elude you becuase it really might all be all down to him. Having said that, you need to be brutally honest with yourself. For example, could you ask yourself the question, something has changed from satisfactory to disatisfactory, or has it always been disatisfactory and you full well know it?

The one thing you can be certain about is that if it has to change, then you must assume that it is you that will have to change. He might well change, but the probability is that he will not. You cannot rely on that.

16

You need to talk as sex is about you both not just for one person x Good luck x