I agree with GG people are here for you, and you do need to take oppitunites if they are offered just because your family do not like does not mean its not right.
I am currently in my home country, as the university is in my home country, I am on antibiotics (not helping much, as my private parts infection turned to be streptococci and I also need to see some doctors, leaving in about 14 days. My partner is not here, but after loosing his jobs, he is not in the best possible mood either. So I think the relationship is currently under a bit of stress as well. My family does not know about it yet, as I dont think they would approave (large age gap and also he does not have university degree). And in this situation, I just lack the strenght to actually tell them, as I have enough of the current arguments.
My parents want me to accept a position in DHL in the IT department, as I can speak several languages they would be interested in having me. I think they may set it as a condition to allowing me to do it. its just really hard, as I fear I will end up without family if I do it my way. And my parents never approaved of my being an archaeologist, as the salary is... erh, bad. So they dont approave because of it. I know I would enjoy the job, as all the archaeologists in the museum are great and I consider them friends, one is close friend. So that job would be great. DHL... I would survive, as I always do. I guess. not my dream job, but still better than many.
Life is too short and precious to spend it doing what other people expect you to.
If you want this PhD which it sounds like you do then you need to find a way to do it, sort out the finances and go for it.
your family wont like it but you cannot let them live your life for you. You are young smart and you can do this.
xGGx
Laveila, its hard to say what to do because family are always imprtant but they should understand what you want to do. DHL might be a good job because you know several languages but you will not enjoy it! Whats wrong with persuing ur dream then having DHL to fall back on? Whos to say you can not do both some acheolegy (yeh spelt wrong) and some dhl part time or something to help when the cash is low.
End of the day a job is only good as long as you enjoy it, i have done data entry woork and after a few months i quit.
Sounds like it's a tough decision to make but you need to work on what's more important to you - the happiness in a career that will take up one third of every day of your working life. Or the people who are linked by blood but don't seem to respect you.
I know what I'd choose. But I'm a bit odd in an emotional sense (very emotional but only in the present - once something (or someone) has passed then I find it hard to get emotional about it/them) so it might be something I'd deal with differently. Personally job satisfaction is really high priority for me - with my joint condition I don't really have enough energy for a job *and* a social life so it's imperative I enjoy my job.
If your family can't be happy for you, does it matter greatly if you lose them?
Adx
Well, considering the lack of jobs in the discipline... I dont feel I would be good enough to make it. So I may really leave the discipline as a whole and forget the PhD and get a job somewhere, preferably far from my parents. I may consider doing the research later in life, on my own with maybe just someone to guide me from my old university, and maybe try to get it published, but not do it as PhD topic.
Of course you know your circumstances best and will make the best decision for yourself.
I just know how important it is for me to do a PhD that I won't let anything stand in my way and I know how huge a benefit it will make for my confidence and career.
I hope if a PhD would offer you as many benefits as it will for me that you will make the decision very carefully and not have any regrets whichever way you decide!
Adxx
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
Laveila wrote:
Well, considering the lack of jobs in the discipline... I dont feel I would be good enough to make it. So I may really leave the discipline as a whole and forget the PhD and get a job somewhere, preferably far from my parents. I may consider doing the research later in live, on my own, and maybe try to get it published, but not do it as PhD topic.
Thats bettr. At least you are making a plan. You say you aren't good enough, but is that true or is it your oewn harsh view on yourself? You would be amazied how many people get much more self worth, esteem, confidence even if they feel they are rock bottom, by going in to higher education.
Education isn't for me though.
a better plan would be accepting the place and making the break to do something that you clearly love. If you were not good enough you would not have got the place. Someone has more confidence in your knowledge and research proposal than you do.
xGGx
GG: something different is to do PhD and then get a job. So thats why I am worried.
Thanks for the support, I am not sure what I will do, but I think I mainly need break. And some peace.
A bit of an update: My OH was talking to our shared friend and she told me how much he cares for me, she could sense it just from the way he talked about me. Makes me happy, as I was worrying due to all the stress we have both on us.
As for the PhD, still waiting for letter from university, as we just had 2 bank holidays. I am hoping to get it soon. But I am unsure what to do. At least things are home are a bit calmer now, I am on antibiotics, as I had streptoccocci infection in the private parts, unfortunately the side effects came on Mondy and are still ongoing (itchiness), which is annoying. And I am up for a wisdom tooth removal tomorrow. So I guess my parents are trying not to upset me too much. I am still struggling with the dissertation, as I lost motivation. Blimey. Really have to mail the supervisor, but I still feel like I did not do enough etc. And not sure I can admit to him why.
I guess my new G-Ki will not be used for some time, I am loosing my sex drive and it is likely to drop to zero tomorrow for some time :-(
oh and to top it up I got my monthly thing as well, so I am really "enjoying" this week, so maybe wake me up on Sunday when it is all over!
I am mainly scared of tomorrow as the tooth is laying completely flat and while growing its pushing into my front teeth, which is painful. Still will be harder removal because it is still covered in gum fully and completely flat. I am in for a long boring time tomorrow (maybe not boring, my dentist enjoys telling me about his visits to bone churches and examining the skeletons and their teeth there (note: never tell your dentist you are an archaeologist!).
I need to wait with the decistion anyway, until I get the official letter. Hopefully soon! But thanks for the support!
ok, my dentist told me that while he can do both upper easily, after seeing a rentgen picture of this one its a no for him and I will have to go to a special clinic and under general anesthetics. It is completely laying flat and a bit under the tooth n7 so he does not dare to do it. It does not hurt that much right now and he gave me some tips how to care for it in the meantime to ensure there is no infection.
I have messed up front teeth because of the pressure. he did the other lower wisdom, as it was not as flat as this one. This one is apparently really really complicated and will likely take few hours to remove it safely - wondering if they will be able to do it without removing the n7 as well. Going to have it done in this country, as I will not have to pay for it, my insurance company will. They will not like me but then...They never have to pay anything for my teeth care, as I never had any problems apart from wisdom teeth
Its is a total cliche but it is horrifically true that life is too short. As I've got a bit older the few things that have really stuck with me are
1) Never be afraid to fail. Most of lifes most successful people have taken a lot of crap and failure early on but they succeded big time in the end because they stuck with it. I recently took a lot of grief off people when I reduced my hours to do something completely unrelated and new that was terrible pay but was something I wanted to do. I stuck at it for 7 months and couldn't give a crap what people think. You know why? Because I did for me, it was a great experience , I learned new skills for life and in the process of stepping right out of my comfort zone ( well not that comfortable as thats why I changed ha ha! ) I learned a load about myself too. Having gone through this process has left me feeling much more in control of my life and that I can swap to another oppotunity whenever it next comes along.
2) Never pass up a golden opportunity. How many people get to do a PhD? Not that many. Will it get you an amazing job etc etc? who knows. Is money the be all and end all? Certainly not. But sometimes its as equally about who you know as well. It may create networks and colleagues for the future that may prove invaluable. By the way I totally love all the space archaeology stuff discovering pyramids and tombs using satellite technology. Awesome!
3) Parents are not to be put on a podium and you should not live your life for them. Yes they deserve respect as its a hell of an undertaking and committment to raise a child BUT an adult should not feel they have to tow the line of their parents wishes. If they can't accept that then the issue lies at their feet not yours.
I hope that you choice you make is really yours. Listen to your gut instincts they are rarely wrong on matters like this I feel.