How did you go about telling your oh that you are interested in bi play, nothing emotional though. Or how was you told.
13 years of marriage... Wife confided in me she fancied trying anal play but I had to get the toys. One Sat morning the kids kept themselves busy. I got the toys out and the chat just rolled on and on and everything came out.
She was quite surprised, but I had known my wife had a bi itch for a long time - she told me about her one girl/girl experience (with someone I know and really fancy) and I told her about the times I'd had boy/boy fun.
As a result, 3somes and swinging are also possible.
It was great to get it all out.
It was kind of awkward when we first brought it up, but three years into our relationship and we're very open about things like sexuality, fantasies, toys we want - all the good stuff :) It's weird getting the ball rolling but it's worth doing :) I think we were having drinks one night asking each other sexy questions to get in the mood
We was watching some porn when my OH told me which female porn star she would like to sleep with! When I asked if she was serious she admitted she was bi-curious and even admitted when she in her teens she even thought she might be gay, her best friend has since told me that my OH confided in her when she was questioning her sexulity. I was a tad bit shocked but also very proud of her honesty and bravery at admitting her sexuality to me.
I'm pansexual and told my fella before we got together about my bi experiences.
You could try watching from girl-on-girl porn together and maybe comment on being turned on by it?
We were decorating and busy, I didn't look at him whilst I told him which made it easier for me to just say it, it helped keep the conversation casual and light, because I didn't know what his reaction was going to be. It's a big thing and not something I would bring up unless I knew for sure about my sexual curiosity for women because I wouldn't want to mess with his feelings. I had already dropped hints in previous conversation and I was getting the feeling from his responses previously that he isn't a sharer and is too jealous to share and doesn't like the thought of being shared. Seeing him with another woman would turn me on. He has said absolutely no to any swinging or threesomes, said it should have been done pre-family, which is fair enough. He would have been more inclined to be involved back then but he isn't interested now. So it is just to stay a fantasy now. I would be lying if I said I didn't have sad feeling when he said he was not at all interested in the swinging life style, but he is the love of my life and I respect that it isn't for everyone and it isn't for him. Sorry for the long story!
From what I've heard a lot of people get more "adventurous" with age, fingers crossed for you he changes his mind in a few years :)
Got to respect the commitment though :)
I would love to tell my other half that i am bi, but as we dont have any sex life at all, it is pretty much impossible to bring the subject up.
So for the moment i just carry on extremely discretely and live with the guilt.
I do envey you lucky people that have had the nerve or the type of relationship that allows you to discuss this sort of thing.
RachelWelsh wrote:
. Sorry for the long story!
Don't be sorry - longer posts are more interesting :)
Luvitt wrote:
I would love to tell my other half that i am bi, but as we dont have any sex life at all, it is pretty much impossible to bring the subject up.
So for the moment i just carry on extremely discretely and live with the guilt.
I do envey you lucky people that have had the nerve or the type of relationship that allows you to discuss this sort of thing.
I lived with it for many years, throughout a period where it was sex every few months. Things have changed massively and it was great to get it all out. Baby steps, keep chipping away!
BigInBerks wrote:
Luvitt wrote:
I would love to tell my other half that i am bi, but as we dont have any sex life at all, it is pretty much impossible to bring the subject up.
So for the moment i just carry on extremely discretely and live with the guilt.
I do envey you lucky people that have had the nerve or the type of relationship that allows you to discuss this sort of thing.
I lived with it for many years, throughout a period where it was sex every few months. Things have changed massively and it was great to get it all out. Baby steps, keep chipping away!
Thanks, but the menopause is very cruel to sexdrives and relationships, but time might improve things, you never know!!
Me and my wife openly admitted our feelings together but it took years. Sad thing is I find her liking women a massive turn on and feel released being hinest with her and myself over my polysexual feelings.
I suppose the question back is would she be open to your honesty? If she is go for it now, If not maybe try and get her to open up first about something she likes and bring it slowly that way. Trouble is at some point hiding it internally frustrates and can drive invisible obstacles.
right from meeting we were open, probably due to the way we met, and from day 1 we have both known that each is bi
Luvitt wrote:
Thanks, but the menopause is very cruel to sexdrives and relationships, but time might improve things, you never know!!
Hey Luvitt
It took almost 10 years for me to get past the menopause with virtually no sex drive... Mine was bought on early due to a brain injury which damaged my pirutity gland - I was only 42 and Mr. Spider 39...we had sex maybe once every three or four months, I wasn't even interested in masturbation. He was great though, hardly ever put pressure on me and never strayed as he never went out alone. Now - menopause all done with - I am sodding rampant - I honestly need sex 2 or 3 times a day most days - he's having a job keeping up!! Hope things get better for you both soon xx
She has been bi since her uni days, but he wasn't when we met. This was revealed when he found a double-ender and a strap-on in her toy drawer and asked who she'd used them with.
She asked whether he was bi and he replied not activekly but had fantasies. So one day she suggested a visit to one of the weekly bisexual nights at our swinger club; we had started to go clubbing by that stage.
We met another couple in the bar, went upstairs and swapped into FF and MM pairs. He had his first ever hand and oral MM contact, loved the experience and wondered why he had waited so long! Part of the reason was that his ex had been very homophobic.
LadySpide, thanks for your message and thank you for a bit of a reality check in that there is always someone who has similar situations to you. I do very much appreciate you taking the time to write your response and being so frank and open. It made me realise that there might be a light at the end of the menopausal tunnel.
And sorry that we seemed to have got a bit off topic but who knows, if and when our sex life returns to some normality, then maybe I can broach my bi side to my partner who knows.
Thanks again.