Aw, GG, your last post brought a tear to my eye. Your wife sounds very similar in some respects to me.
I have spent the last 10 years having almost that exact same type of relationship with my husband, we talk honestly and openly about anything and everything. But the minute he would ask me to talk about the sex I wanted, what really turned me on, even what really didn't turn me on, I just couldn't do it. I had it all in my head, but I just couldn't get the words to leave my mouth.
It was a rare occassion if I initiated anything, and it wasn't due to lack of desire, it was literally as if there was a barrier coming straight from my mind and stopping my body from following through on any desires I had.
I also had a lot to deal with as a youngster, nothing serious compared to what others suffer, but looking back I think it stunted my ability to develop this side of myself openly and honestly. I was too busy dealing with other peoples issues to focus on myself.
I felt exactly how your wife has said she does, my husband would ask and ask, and I would be telling him that whatever he was looking for from me wasn't inside me. Bless him, he has been so patient and has offered the same advice time and time again when I never listened. Then one day I finally understood.
This might sound really daft, but I do know vaguely why my mind started changing. I got a kindle for christmas, and there is a lot of free or cheap erotica on there. So I started reading that. Some of it, quite romantic with a sexy edge, some of it a bit more hardcore. What stood out to me out of all the stories was that all the men wanted their women to take pleasure from them, even when these men were dishing out spankings they still adored the women they were spanking, and loved all the responses their body gave and took great pleasure in making their woman happy. I was sat thinking how wonderful it all seemed, thenit suddenly dawned on me that I had that relationship right at my figertips and I was wasting it. That my husband could easily be one of those men if I gave him a chance. So i took a deep breath, a leap of faith and gave him a chance to see me for me.
Since that day though I have grown and grown in confidence. I still have some way to go, but I am certainly more confident and open than before. It's like I was living as a caterpillar all these years, which is nice enough, but then I turned into a butterfly and that is far more interesting.
I think your wife can certainly get there one day, and I hope she does, as I'm sure she will feel wonderful. It can be hard for us women to accept our mother's failings, even if they have been the best mother we could have wished for, to acknowledge they may have held us back in anyway is a tough thing to do.
I also wouldn't underestimate the effect of losing her father, especially if they were close, and the stress of caring for her mother will have on her. I cared for my mother for 18 months before she passed away. That was 3.5 years ago and I am only just truly starting to let go of my grief, another factor in my mindset I think.
Not sure if that makes any sense, or remotely answers your post, I think I tend to ramble far too much, lol. Maybe less rambling should be my next challenge, lol.