Hi Everyone,
I turned over the Tv this morning and saw tracey cox on this morning so i thought i'd see what they were talking about. She made the statement that its often the couples who are best of friends who have the most trouble sexually in a relationship and was just wondering what everyones thoughts on this are?
She said that couples who are best friends or become best friends lose the sexual spark? What do you think?
Rubbish - I think she's VERY wrong there.
Like any frendship there are things I don;t talk to my wife about (I have other frineds for those things) but I talk to my wife about a far wider range of subjects than my other friends.
For me, friendship is vital.
It gives the relationship a far more 'rounded' and completed feel.
That's not the case in my experience either.
Strange thing to say really!
SG69
For me, I dont think I could ever have a relationship with someone I didnt consider a really great friend.
My current partner is the only partner I've ever had, so I dont have anything to compare him to, but we've never had any problems in the bedroom. In fact, it's that closeness and friendship that makes it easy for me to suggest new things to him.
What I would place importance on though is having friends other than your partner. I dont make friends easily so I dont really have any, and I feel alot of my relationship related stress could be alleviated if I had someone else to share my time with.
I only have a few friends - I've never wanted or needed lots of them, but those I have are truly among the best anyone could ever have - of both sexes.
Of my three closest friends, two are women (which does cause a little friction in our house) and I can talk about anything with them. But I couldn't think of not bein ggreat frineds with my wife. A marriage or any long term relationship must IMO be based on friendship - what would you do out of the bedroom??? So my wife and I go to gigs, theatre, pubs etc etc - nothing out of the ordinary. I enjoy spending time with my life partner, who also happens to be a very dear friend too!
In my experiences so far it is actually true. The best sex I ever had was with the person that I have the least in common with. The person who I was the better friend with, the sex was just bad. My best friend and her bf are the same. You couldn't find too people who are closer or more 'meant to be together' but the sexual spark has been a big problem. I don't think it has to be that way at all but as I said, my experiences so far prove her more right than wrong X
There are times I think Tracey's spot on, and there are times I couldn't disagree with her more.
This is one of the latter times! My OH and I were best friends from the minute we got together, and still are. As for the sex... well, I'll show you the vivid red scratch marks down my back if you really want... :P
Anyway, you have to remember, Tracey comes from the field of psychology. Which essentially, is the study of people disagreeing. About everything! :P
I think I would differentiate between friends and mates. I dont know if people understand what I mean by that, but I think a relationship with a friend works. A relationship with a mate probably doesnt.
I found this quote and it just reminded me of this thread: "It is not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages" Friedrich Nietzsche
I can't believe that! (not you Wizzie)
Had my OH not been my best friend, I couldn't have trusted him with everything, or discuss deeply personal/ intimate things! What would you do outside the metaphorical bedroom? A lack of conversation and shared fun, shared experiences, a desire to spend time toegther and learn from one another would destroy me in a relationship! Couldn't stay in it.
I know one comment she made was about a couple becoming one - not having individual identities, which meant that they become too comfortable and start to lose passion. Something along those lines x
My OH is many things to me: he is my lover, my confidante, my protector, my fellow geek, my master ... he couldn't be all those things and more without being my very best friend.
We're passionate because we are close and we are close because we are passionate...the friendship, love and lust are all very much synergistic!
xxKPxx
Finally got my laptop working so i could get back into the forum!!
Im glad im not the only one then that disagree's with her! I think the fact my OH and I are best of friends brings us closer sexually not further apart!
Afterall communication and trust are key to a good sex life and being such good friends makes those things natural in a relationship!
Wizzie86 wrote:
In my experiences so far it is actually true. The best sex I ever had was with the person that I have the least in common with. The person who I was the better friend with, the sex was just bad. My best friend and her bf are the same. You couldn't find too people who are closer or more 'meant to be together' but the sexual spark has been a big problem. I don't think it has to be that way at all but as I said, my experiences so far prove her more right than wrong X
I think I agree with you.
You know everyone and everything is different. My ex and I are so alike it's untrue, it's like going out with myself and I'm fully aware of what a pain is the arse I am to go out with. However, we have the most amazing laugh and bond together WHEN we are in the same place. I have no doubt that if we both ccame to the same place at the same time, we could have the most fantastic future and present etc. We laugh at the same things, I can talk to him about anything etc. But I think where we've had this break for a while and are just friends (with added extras - cant' let go) we've now almost come to that point where we are better friends.
I've been asked out by a few men, I've told him about one and while he tells me to do what I feel happy with. I know he's not happy with it at all.
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
^^ I kinda understand what you mean Ecks. But could you elaborate a little more?
I think a friend is someone who you're on good terms with, you can share things with them, there's trust, you know each other well etc etc.
Mates, on the other hand, I think it's a bit more chummy, if you get what I mean. There's lots of buddy like behaviour but you dont really know each other as well as friends, there's not the same level of trust. The 'friendship' with mates is much more activity driven than by actually being compatible personality wise.
I'm not saying mates are a bad thing (I have many more mates than friends), you can have a good time with them (not that I'm not saying you cant have a good time with friends, but you dont really have lengthly chats and share secrets with mates) but because I see mates as mainly people to have fun with, you dont know each other so well. Therefore you're probably more likely to make mistakes, dont know how the other person is likely to react to certain things and so on. Relationships break down because there's probably more emphasis on having a good time and that just doesnt last in the long run.
A friend, you should be able to tell anything, and they'll care, which is especially important in a sexual context. You know your personalities match so there's more to keep the relationship going without having to do things all the time. Just loving them is enough.
Ecksvie wrote:
For me, I dont think I could ever have a relationship with someone I didnt consider a really great friend.
My current partner is the only partner I've ever had, so I dont have anything to compare him to, but we've never had any problems in the bedroom. In fact, it's that closeness and friendship that makes it easy for me to suggest new things to him.
What I would place importance on though is having friends other than your partner. I dont make friends easily so I dont really have any, and I feel alot of my relationship related stress could be alleviated if I had someone else to share my time with.
I'm totally with you on that Ecks!
x