Hugs AA, until your friends get here to support you. And a bump so they see it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Avrielle it sounds like you dealt with the situation really well, although the timing is a bit spooky.
Maybe writing it all down and off loading it has helped, I spent Sunday at a bereavement support meeting and one of the things that was suggested was that writing the bad stuff down somehow gives your mind permission to forget the details because you know that they are there on paper if you need to remember them.
Glad you are feeling good about it this morning
xGGx
Powerful and moving stuff AA, thank you for your openess - it's actually heartwarming in a strange way to read such deeply personal things.
It speaks great volumes about the community you find such posts among, that you feel able, safe and secure enough to open that door within yourself to relative strangers.
I post my own demons elsewhere, having similarly found a path to mental peace in literary catharcis. I am always glad and feel privileged to see it in another discovering that same release.
I hope the peace stays with you always. Take care X
The last few years have been tough for me and today I finally admitted that it has been too much and I havent been coping as well as people looking in on my life think that I have. Over the last 2 years I have been suffering from depression but hiding it from everyone, except my OH who knew from the start of our relationship how bad things had been.
I have covered up the depression by telling people that I was suffering from repeated headaches and migraines, which I do get but not as often as it seemed to family.
Well over the last couple of days I have spent most of the time in tears and shakey, today I finally went to the GP and now have a box of prozac on my desk, have taken the first one and know that the next 2 or 3 weeks are going to be rough but over the next 6 months or so things will get better and I will be me again. I had thought that I was getting back to that until Feb when I had an RTA and have been in pain since. Being in pain and having to deal with birthdays, my sons and my husbands has knocked me back a lot.
But this time around I have a rock to lean on, he understands how it feels and knows that he has to watch me carefully incase I do something stupid, have come close in the past, which only he and the doctor know about, until now. I am hoping that with support I will bounce back and start to feel good about life again.
xGGx
Writing things down does help a lot. I do it regularly. Even after breaking out with my ex partner 2 years ago. I had so much to say, something not really nice. Well, I wrote it down in a letter to him, write everything I wanted, admit I was pretty nasty, but it did help me a lot in longer run, because I got it out of myself and I stopped thinking about it as much as before the letter. Plus he never saw it, so there was no harm in writing it and saying what I felt like saying. I did the same when last year a "friend" was putting me down. Not something I want to remember. I was still weak as a personality and she just... put me completely down. When I asked for a day alone, she just waited for me at the train station, because she had to see me. She was telling me constantly how she could die and noone would care. She did not eat properly etc. She was jealous of anyone round me I cared for, I think she wanted me just for herself. I survived almost a year somehow. In the end after a week with her I was suffering daily migrane and I started to forget things and was loosing sense for reality. Thats when I ended up with consellor again. Luckily I did not need any medicaments, only someone to talk to and to help me deal with what happened and show me ways how to overcome it.
GG: good luck. I am sorry you have these problems. You will need a support, have you thought of psychologist? They may help you a bit. Only medicaments will not deal with it, I am afraid.
Morning, not a good one started the tablets last night and the side effects are already starting, feel as sick as a pig. Its like a hangover but without the party first.
I havent thought about a psychologist but have gone back to the bereavement support group, it is meant for the children and it helps them a lot but they also support the parents. I spent Sunday afternoon with them and for the first time had another person go with me. Up til now not one member of my family or late husband's family have offerred to come as support. OH went dispite being a million miles outside of his comfort zone.
Am feeling more positive today dispite the queasy feeling and a fuggy head.
xGGx
GG: this is the reason I am refusing antidepressive for myself, to be honest, friend had those as well.Sometimes they are needed though, unfortunately.
You should consider long term support. When I was in bad condition, I actually had a university psychologist meeting with me weekly for the whole term (3 months) and then I went to a group on problematic interpeople relationships and how to deal with it. I had to write a diary actually and write everything which put me down and think about things and also express myself in many ways, including drawings. Only be reliasing why I feel so down, what can put me so down I actually started to feel better! And I started to be able to work on myself. I can still feel down, but because I know what is putting me down and why I have now ways how to deal and avoid it. Medicine will cover the problem, but will not solve it. It will still be down there, I personally think. Not saying it is useless, it can buy you time, if you have serious issue like thinking about doing anything stupid, but will not solve the deep problem. And the psychologist did tell me it will be long term working on myself before I will overcome what happened. Although she admited some wounds will never heal, there will be always some scars, but she gave me tips how to deal with the scars to make them more managable and me more happy. That is important as well.
AA: good luck, never met them. Hope it goes well.
Laveila wrote:
Medicine will cover the problem, but will not solve it. It will still be down there, I personally think.
Not always.
Antidepressents are good for those who are depressed due to a chemical imbalance in their brain. Depression is not just a response to a particular trigger (it can be only for this reason of course but more often...) depression is often a medical problem with physiological causes that can be treated with medicine. Sometimes a particular event can be the sole reason for depression, sometimes it can just highlight something that already existed and sometimes people are depressed for no reason other than there is something medically wrong and nothing mentally wrong.
GG congratulations on seeking the help you need, I wish you all the best! I hope the side effects for the medication settles as it often does. I take a very low dose antidepressent because it works as a pain modifier - at first I felt like a zombie but with a few weeks I felt better and now I make sure I take them 12 hours before waking to ensure I don't feel too groggy in the morning.
All the best.
Adx
Oh ok, but in lot of cases the beginning of the problem is something traumatising. And if that is the case, I dont think antidepresive will solve it. It will just cover the existing problem. Which will reappear again and again if you get weaker, as it was in my case - can still be, because I know I have scars which can still hurt and will hurt for the rest of my life - in my case the antidepresive would do me no good really as the cause for my distress would still be down there. Potentially GGs problem may be one of the thing listed in her first post here, you never know.
Absolutely - this is exactly why doctors should listen to their patients and not just treat all patients the same - for some, antids are just something to help them whilst they sort the issue in other ways, for others the medication is a solution in itself. Doctors need to recognise the difference.
In children/teenagers antids are a last port of call (because in youngsters antideppresents can increase the risk of suicide) but in adults it's often the first port of call - I think it should only be a resort in adults if the patient is truly going to benefit from the medication which doctors need to assess.
I feel quite strongly about non-medical professionals telling people that certain meds ar bad because we're all different and medications work in very specific ways. What works wonders for one person may not help another - health care should be tailored to each person which is why we need doctors!
Adx
I never met the case when there was a chemical reaction causing it, so I did not know. sorry. My friend was on antidepressives after being raped and attempting suicide. So they put her on them to give her a chance with psychologist and she does not need them. In my case my distress was caused by ma family behaviour and harrassment. I can go extremely harsh on myself as a result. I was not that bad as to attempt to do anything stupid, but very unhappy and harsh. Antidepressive were never suggested, but rather they worked with me and tried to find a way to solve the problem in me.
I think why I feel a bit of against them is because doctors just usually suggest them, not considering what the problem may be. It is easier to put someone on antidepressives (or hormonal pills - which can be dangerous if you have certain medical conditions and doctors just dont really bother investigating those often), without considering other options. But I never said antidepressives are bad, I just think in many cases when they are issued, they just cover the real problem. I think Avrille is right, people do feel strongly against seeking mental professional health help, because there is a sort of stigma. Something like: you go to see psychologist, you are a failure, because you failed to deal with it youself. Some people do think like this and refuse to seek professional help.
Thank you all for the support I spent a while talking to the dr yesterday, to be fair to her she didnt offer the antidepressants until she had heard a lot about what I have been feeling.
The trigger was my husband's death but only because instead of greiving properly at the time I did the English stiff upper lip thing, staying strong for the children. I was doing a lot better until I had the accident which has left me with a painful right hand which is difficult to use.
This isnt the first time I have suffered depression, I had post natal depression after both girls were born but didn't seek help the first time and refused the meds the second as I was breastfeeding and wanted to continue with that.
I am sure that there is a physical cause and it is likely to be hereditary as my Dad has suffered on and off for many years. We are all different and react to events as individuals so therefore need to be treated on a case by case basis by the medical proffession. The NHS whilst being an amazing organisation, I have seen it at its very best (5 months of visiting ICU shows you how much it can and does do) it does fail in some areas and mental health care seems to be one of those.
Fortunately the sickness has worn off a bit and I am actually getting some work done
xGGx
If you think death of your husband may play a role in triggering this, maybe you should consider talking to someone. Also the lost of the child may trigger it a bit. Both are traumatising events. And even if it was physical in the first place, these can pottentially? start the reaction. A body under mental stress starts to react differently. I personally in time of heavy stress "loose" menstruation, my circle can start to take 2 and even more months (I think most were 3 and half), even more. Or I start to loose hair. Stress has heavy influence on our bodies.It can actually worsen the physical predisposition by altering and making the chemical reactions worse?
Glad you are doing better now!
I have been very moved by all the posts here. I have taken anti-depressants in the past for about 12 months or so, reluctantly at first, but in retrospect they really did help. I think depression can reach a level of severity when you're just stuck at the bottom, whatever you do, nothing seems to help. That's because it's even affecting your brain chemistry, so you actually need something to alleviate that in order to break the vicious circle. Then you're able to try and benefit from natural things like therapy, exercise, getting out and about, social contact, sunshine and so on. These are ultimately the things which can cure depression, but you might need medication in order to get you to that point.
Having a better day today still feeling sick but not as badly as yesterday, managed to sleep pretty well which is a rareity for me. Head feels really fuzzy though. I do feel a lot more positive than I did I can actually imagine life getting back to normal, whatever that is!
I guess what I need to do is build a new version of normal here at ghost towers, for me, the OH and the children. They are not used to having to share Mummy's attention although they are used to me being ill and not giving them the attention they need. I somehow managed the essential like feeding and clothing and getting them to school but not the extras which I know I should have been doing. I only hope that what they have experienced with me being ill has not left any permenant damage. I would hate to think that in 20 years they are posting on here about how I was a crap mother and how that has left them with issues. Maybe the fact that I am aware of the possibility and concerned about it is a good thing, perhaps when I am feeling more like myself I will be able to do more with them to make up for the past year being so bad.
The thing that has made the biggest difference to me at the moment is the support I have been getting at home, my OH has been very understanding and puts up with the tears and tantrums like they havent happened. Just wish that certain members of my late husbands family were ready to move on and accept that I still have a life to lead and as far as I am concerned my marriage ended when my husband died. it's not like I jumped into another relationship straight away its been 3 years so a 'decent' period of time. I am not ready to give up being a normal woman with a healty sex life, just because they think that I am somehow being unfaithful to their brother. I had that chance while he was ill in hospital and I didnt take it.
xGGx
They cannot expect you to stay alone the whole life. I lost a man I loved when I was 21. It did take time to go on, because I was mourning relatively long time, but I doubt he would expect me to stay alone the rest of my life. Even if we had more time and maybe got married. I would not expect it either, if I happened to die and my partner would live that he would stay alone. I would not like if he jumped into another womans bed just after my death, as it would be slightly disrespectful towards the dead partner and I would not do it myself. But after some time, it is time to look for potential new partner, after the loss of the previous. They are being insensitive, I think.
Been on the tablets for 2 weeks, still getting some side effects, not sleeping properly and dont laugh but they are making me burb, really badly for a hour or so at a time. Very sexy NOT. And I have no sex drive at all.
On the plus side the OH says I have been much calmer with less tantrums for the past week so I guess they are starting to work. I know that I have been less inclined to burst into tears over stupidly small things. I hope that the children will also notice that the nice mummy is back and the poorly one has gone.
In all of this I am really aware that everything we do or say has an effect on others, regardless of whether we mean it to or not. Being unwell has not changed the fact I am more concerned about others than myself. That includes other members on here. I know today that there is a least one member on here who isnt feeling so good and I feel kind of helpless because I dont know how to help her. Having spent so much time alone I understand how it feels to be isolated and to get to the point where you dont see how you can ever be a part of a couple again. As a very smart lady told me a little while ago 'even rainbows appear in a storm'
xGGx
Thanks AA the side effects are so much better than they were the sickness has gone and so has the headache. Added bonus my appatite went with them so might even loose a couple of pounds!!
xGGx
ghostgirl wrote:
I am not ready to give up being a normal woman with a healty sex life, just because they think that I am somehow being unfaithful to their brother.
After being shaken-up recently by an untimely bereavement in my wider family, I felt the need to have a conversation with my wife. I reassured her that, if she were to lose me, then my paramount wish would be for her to continue to have as happy a life as possible -- and if that involved her being with someone else when the time was right for her then that's exactly what I'd want for her as well.
On reflection, it seemed silly to me -- this ought to go without saying. I really can't imagine anyone actually wanting their spouse to remain celibate afterwards. Still, I felt better making the point clearly to my wife, just to be sure.
Cuddly Hubby wrote:
On reflection, it seemed silly to me -- this ought to go without saying. I really can't imagine anyone actually wanting their spouse to remain celibate afterwards.
I would! External Media
I'm joking of course, if I died young I'd be pretty gutted at the thought of him potentially having a longer and more fulfilling relationship with another woman, in reality though his happiness is of far higher importance to me...and once you're dead you don't know about it anyway do you!
I don't understand family members who want to impose their views on you and it baffles me that anyone could have that sort of view.
Adx