Do people still ask there GF parents before proposing? I wondered if it was still a thing. It’s Always been a tradition or is it a thing of the past?
I’m American and in my 30’s and I asked my now wife’s parents before proposing. I figure it didn’t hurt to ask them as that is a tradition. And if they said no it wouldn’t have stopped me from marrying her
I definitely didn’t ask my husband’s parents before proposing
I didn’t, but we where in our 40’s…
I’ve heard a few people still doing it
Depends on your partner really but I certainly wouldn’t be impressed by anyone asking my parents, i’m not their property to have any say in it!
@AmyA I agree! I asked my husband to marry me but I also told him I wouldn’t be changing my surname as I liked mine. He changed his instead and it caused uproar with his family I was happy for us to be Mr A and Mrs B but he wanted to be the same
We were slightly different. I actually proposed to him. Even if I did ask, and they said no, that wouldn’t of stopped me marrying him. He’s the love of my life
I would have been mega-unimpressed if anyone had adked my parents. They don’t own me and don’t much like me, so they are nothing to me.
I asked my girlfriend to be my wife then we told her parents !
I did ask my wifes dad out of politwness however wouldnt have made a blind bit of difference what he said. Luckily i got on well with him so no problem.
I personally don’t care much for the tradition, it’s rooted in the whole patriarchal concept that women are owned by their parents (namely their fathers) until marriage, and then it’s a ‘handing over’ of the ownership if her to her partner. I would absolutely prefer if my future partner doesn’t ask, because the only permission they should need to marry me is mine.
Although, when my sister got engaged 8ish years ago, I remember my dad (late 50s) being super unimpressed that he wasn’t asked, despite not really being involved much in our lives regardless.
I feel like it’s totally up to the individual, but I’d say their yes/no is definitely not the be all end all of a proposal.
No I think I asked my girlfriend and we then went and told her mum and dad.
I dont think its something that’s widely done anymore and not something my hubby did before proposing to me.
No, definitely not. I’d maybe say just so they can be excited but it wouldn’t be about permission.
Nah, we don’t here.
I mean, we don’t ask, we announce if we want to, to the parents who are neither dead nor assholes…
My now son-in-law asked me. It was great. We talked about the plans they had made and how they planned on handling some things. I didn’t interrogate him, it was all information he volunteered. I kinda think he wanted me to know they had been working together and planning how they were going to start their life together and weren’t just jumping into marriage without talking things through. I enjoyed our talk and appreciated him doing that.
I asked in advance. I didn’t see it as a necessity more out of politeness, a kind of statement of intentions. I was also nice to share the excitement moving towards being more of a part of there family in a kinda formal sense.
A strange tradition I agree in this day in age!! However I feel it comes across a a nice gesture. The question it’s self not to be taken to literally buy either side. I think.
I think it’s still a nice thought to ask and do but not to see it as in asking for their permission although to have their blessing would be lovely
I asked, that was 14 years ago so can’t say if it happens now or should. I thought it best to ask both parents as they were separated at the time. As per previous posts if they had said no I would have done it anyway. It was more of a have I got your blessings thing. To be honest I kind of knew they would say yes as we had been together for several years, lived together etc.
I asked my now father in law but her family are pretty traditional, plus she was / is heir to their, well … frankly large fortune (sorry there’s no way to say that without it sounding like a brag - what’s that all about with us Brits always apologising for things that we’ve got nothing to apologise for !? ) .
Anyway, we both knew if her dad didn’t approve then it could cause a problem further down the line. Not so much about the money per se (don’t particularly need it, we both have great careers), more to do with what it could do to her relationship with her parents if they got funny about it.
It wouldn’t have stopped us ultimately, but I’d have looked at ways to try and win him round purely to try and spare her feelings. Fortunately he was fine and we get on great to this day. Phew.