This is totally strange and not a feeling I can remember having before but we have just come back from an "eventful" camping trip, whilst there I became friendly with one of the doormen working the club, although I am very happily married I somehow found my self slightly infatuated by him, I'm not even sure why, although I wouldn't exactly say I fancied him I guess I was attracted to his masculinity and felt safe around him, he was also at least 20 years older than me and seemed knowledgeable, anyway now we are at home I can't get him out of my head, I feel like I am grieving for someone I don't even know, I find myself fantasising about him and then the next minute I am nearly in tears deverstated that I can't have him in my life, I even try to imagine if he felt any connection with me and what would happen if I was to just turn up on his doorstep, I'm guessing the answer is no and that if I did turn up he would be calling the men in the white coats to come collect me. The only thing I can do is "get over it" and remember what a truly amazing husband I really have.
Hey Honey B. I think you just have a very immense crush in a way. I think we have all had one or 2, perhaps more, times in our life where we just thing "ooft if I was single I would be all over that".
There was someone I met a very long time ago on a course. I saw him everyday for 2 weeks, he was fun, we worked well together and he was just beautiful. I was with my boyfriend, who I am now married to, so I knew it would never happen. I never saw him again once our course was over. I've now forgotten his last name and he's nothing but a faded memory.
Focus on your husband my love, make sure you are happy with him and this isn't your heart telling you you want something else.
I think your perhaps right, the more I think about it the more I think perhaps it's not the guy I'm craving but it's actually the desire to escape the situation me and my husband are locked into, we have a flat that me and our little family have out grown and are just so desperate to move but are so tied by negative equity it's impossible, also we love each other dearly but my husband has near to no sex drive and so that doesn't help my confidence either, sometimes I feel like I need to run away and hide and forget about everything and everyone forget about me, it's like I need to hide from my self if you get what I mean, the trouble is thou, I am absolutely nothing without my family and that's what keeps me hear.
Glad you had a good trip. I think it's time to have a sit down with your hubby. You say you're happily married in your 1st post but your last doesn't really come across that way. Hope all goes well for you and your family.
My theory is that there are perhaps more than one person that we could find compatability with.
These people are not necessarily the types we would normally go after but after any interaction with them there is a spark . I think you have perhaps came accross one of these types.
Thats why we may date many people until; we find one of these compatable types and when that spark ingnites into a fire thats when we know we have found the right person . I think you did the right thing in not persuing it any further as it could have threatened your existing relationship especially as you come accross as being a little unhappy at the moment about your own situation and therfore perhaps a little vulnerable.
But thats probably the reason some relationships fail becasue they havnt found that ideal person that gives them the fire and butterflies in the stomache syndrome. Its not becasue they havnt tried , more likely because they perhaps didnt know until they found someone else that gives them this feeling. I am not saying that this is your situation either but just a general statement as to a possble cause of some relationship breakdowns. Just one of many causes.
I think proof that this person that you interacted with is perhaps compatable with you is that you cant get them out of your head and perhaps you never will . I think the situation will remain with you and possibly as a "What if"
Very interesting thread
I think we have lots of different matches in life but you won't ever find someone that fits every single one, for instance you may have someone you know who can make you laugh like no other but lacks everything else. It's just a case of going from person to person until you find the one that suits you best.
I once knew a girl who was perfect for me in every way. Looks, personality, jokes and her sexual appetite was the same as mine and she was just as open and honest but I was trapped in a relationship which made me feel
Completely secluded and detached from the world so I never pushed any further, she's now engaged and has a baby on the way so I will never know what could of been. But I would never change my wife for the world because she's truly perfect and every part of her is everything I have ever needed.
A lot of these people come into our lives to shape us into what we are, so it's always best to just think that everything happens for
A reason and the grass is definitely not always greener on the otherside
Hi Honey B, I reckon I know how you feel and in my own experience the more you try not to think about the guy, the more you'll be thinking about him - if that makes sense? I believe it's safe to say that most people gets a bit fed-up from time to time and wish there was kind of an escape or a break from the hash realities of daily life. And someone else comes along, gives attention and things get all muddled up. You've had a lovely camping break and know it's back to all the challebges of normal life, being back from holiday it's alrealy a fact that upsets most people and if you have a "crush" left behind, it's much harder.
You said that your family is the most important thing for you and you love your hubby, despite all the ups and downs, so as Rosy Cheek said try to concentrate on this and work around that. I too have this wish sometimes of running away, leave erything and everyone and concentrate just on me for a change, but that's impossible specially when you've kids as they always come first, regardless of you or your hubby, your kids always come first and even if you did like in the movies and walked away, you'd still feel that guilty deep inside which would spoilt your new found freedom. Unfortunately, never is possible to have it all.
On a long term, I think you need to open a line of communication with your husband and try to find ways in which you two could have some time-off for a bit of fun and you time-off to do something for yourself, even if a couple of hours a week in which you can chill.
About the doormen, in my opinion (I know some people would criticise me for that) you shouldn't feel guilty about having a crush on him. We feel what we feel and as long as we don't take this any further or act on an impulse, it's nothing wrong. I'm not saying it's right to have a crush on other guys all the time, but sometimes it's not that bad. All the other hand, if you find yourself thinking about other guys all the time, that meands there are more serious problems in your relationship and at some point you'll need to face and sort it out.
Our mind is very powerful and, for me at least, everytime I try really hard not to think about someone or not feel in a certain way, is when I find I end up doing it much more. What I've learnt when doing treatment for depression, you have to allow feelings and thoughtsto to flow as opposed to fight against them, to get the bad things out of your system and move on. Eventually this crush will pass and you'll be ok, but communication with your hubby and a bit of attention in yourself is essential in the meantime. This is entirely my opinion and I think that you've to do what is right for you, but I hope this helps you and I wish you good luck.
LIL_KNOWN69 wrote:
the grass is definitely not always greener on the otherside
I was just about to say this ^ You aren't the first person in a relationship to have a crush on someone else and you won't be the last either . It's so easy to get carried away by your feelings and start imagining a life with this person and not be able to get them out of your head . And it doesn't always have to be a physical attraction....sometimes you feel drawn to someone and don't know why but the feeling can still be very intense.
You will get over this in time , you will probably still think about him now and then but hopefully you won't be dissolving in tears every time you do . I don't know how long you've been married but in loads of long term relationships that feeling of excitement and butterflies in your stomach when they look at you or you think about them does wane a bit and it's times like these that leave you vulnerable to developing an infatutation with someone else.
You mention your husbands low sex drive and I think maybe that could be part of the reason why you're fantasing about someone else and also you sound like you need a confidence boost too. Fantasies are an escape from reality and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you don't act on it , which you didn't so you be too hard on yourself.
Thank you, I think you have all hit the nail on the head, for the past 20 odd years I have suffered from OCD, anxiety and depression as well as being diagnosed 4 years ago as having emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder. I have been with my husband 17 years, married 12 of them, he is funny, caring, loyal, exceptionally hard working and an amazing farther to our daughter, he is also my best friend, on the downside we can both be quite selfish I guess and initially we had a fantastic sex life instigated by myself but as the years have passed this has seriously deteriorated and the rejections leave my hurt and unwanted, because of my diagnosis I can't deal with these intrusive thoughts very well and can't cope with my emotions, in the past I have done some stupid things like gambling, excessive spending as well as seedy sex chat and cam shows, all ways of harming my self I realise now. Through it all my hubby has been my rock but I can't help but wonder what effect it has had on our marriage. Anyway after reaching the lowest of the low I am steadily learning to cope better and healthier and learning to except these thoughts for what they are and in this case I realise now it is no more than a little fantasy that I will soon get over and I just have to except that I can't deal with my emotions in quite the same way as your regular jo.
Yes...
Also, yes
YES! GOOGLE "twin flames" and see if it resonates with you.Honey B wrote:
This is totally strange and not a feeling I can remember having before but we have just come back from an "eventful" camping trip, whilst there I became friendly with one of the doormen working the club, although I am very happily married I somehow found my self slightly infatuated by him, I'm not even sure why, although I wouldn't exactly say I fancied him I guess I was attracted to his masculinity and felt safe around him, he was also at least 20 years older than me and seemed knowledgeable, anyway now we are at home I can't get him out of my head, I feel like I am grieving for someone I don't even know, I find myself fantasising about him and then the next minute I am nearly in tears deverstated that I can't have him in my life, I even try to imagine if he felt any connection with me and what would happen if I was to just turn up on his doorstep, I'm guessing the answer is no and that if I did turn up he would be calling the men in the white coats to come collect me. The only thing I can do is "get over it" and remember what a truly amazing husband I really have.