... From experience I was told by an ex he would leave me if I put on weight or was heavier than a size 12 ...
Seriously? And you didn't say immediately something like "that goes both ways, I don't want a fat partner either!"? What do they think?
I agree that is awful. My wife is still plus size but I still luv her to bits and treat her no differently that when she was a size 14 . To black mail like that is selfish and stupid . If anything its likely to get the opposite result . For anyone to start any sort of weightloss programme its encouragement that is needed not bullying .
It never really bothered me at the time (first relationship at 18) but I know now it was an emotional abusive relationship in quite a few ways but I sorted myself out and found my old bubbly/weird personaility when i finished things, I wasn't overweight or heavy and attended a gym 4 times a week, he made me do a 13 mile hike which had me in bed ill after for a week. Like I said he told me when I left him my weight loss was a reason he wanted to leave me but I'm happy with my weight and figure so that's all that matters.
I don't understand how someone can be shallow when it comes to weight, it's your partner, their body and you should love them for who they are not their shape/size.
Well we didnt chat about the issues, but had a nice evening. He came home and id blow dried my hair and was wearing a dress he likes. I gave him a big smile, and a wink
He kept asking if i had done anything different, which I hadn't really, but it obviously got him thinking. I suggested to him that he shoud have his shower while I finished cooking dinner. At bedtime we had a cuddle, and he said he was tired, so didnt know if he was up to anything?
So i asked what he meant, and he said well im not sure i can go on too long, to which i said, you dont need to go on all night, if you fancy being a bit closer then ill jump on top and do the work!!
Haha... bingo!! Happy boy, and happy girl. I actually think he'd forgotten how much fun a quickie can be!
This morning i sent a text to say i love him, and probably dont tell him enough.
Im hoping that by me taking the lead in almost wooing him again, he might follow the lead, and we can regain the intimacy I miss so much.
Well we didnt chat about the issues, but had a nice evening. He came home and id blow dried my hair and was wearing a dress he likes. I gave him a big smile, and a wink
He kept asking if i had done anything different, which I hadn't really, but it obviously got him thinking. I suggested to him that he shoud have his shower while I finished cooking dinner. At bedtime we had a cuddle, and he said he was tired, so didnt know if he was up to anything?
So i asked what he meant, and he said well im not sure i can go on too long, to which i said, you dont need to go on all night, if you fancy being a bit closer then ill jump on top and do the work!!
Haha... bingo!! Happy boy, and happy girl. I actually think he'd forgotten how much fun a quickie can be!
This morning i sent a text to say i love him, and probably dont tell him enough.
Im hoping that by me taking the lead in almost wooing him again, he might follow the lead, and we can regain the intimacy I miss so much.
Thats good.
The crux of all relationships is communication . Talking about things helps as none of us are telepathic .
For you to take the lead has also to be applauded. Many guys including myself here would luv their OH to take the lead more often .
I know you have stated that you have lots of lingerie but just wondering if you have tried dressing up for him as well ? Try and find out what types turns him on through talking for example, sexy secretary type , Student girl . Once you find out what type he likes then check out the costume section of Lovehoney and plan a special evening and take control Just an idea .
Well things feel a bit more positive. Ive not actually spoken to hubs about weight, but suggested that cutting down on beer is a good idea heath wise. He doesn't like to bath together, so I have been having my bath, and then suggesting he jumps in after.
Ive said im craving more us time, and asked him to sort out a lock for our door. And chosen a few new toys and a sexy teddy as its my birthday in a few weeks
Actually just voicing my frustration with the situation helped hugely. So thanks again all
Did he used to play any sport or be a member of a club?
Has he ever exercised?
Does he see exercise as a pain?
Has he stopped doing the things he used to do because of stress?
Loads of things to consider why someone puts on weight, but the biggest is "does he give himself time to exercise or do something which he likes?" Which isn't alcohol related?
Did he used to play any sport or be a member of a club?
Has he ever exercised?
Does he see exercise as a pain?
Has he stopped doing the things he used to do because of stress?
Loads of things to consider why someone puts on weight, but the biggest is "does he give himself time to exercise or do something which he likes?" Which isn't alcohol related?
Well I have lost nearly 6 stone and enjoy my beer . Just saying ................
Did he used to play any sport or be a member of a club?
Has he ever exercised?
Does he see exercise as a pain?
Has he stopped doing the things he used to do because of stress?
Loads of things to consider why someone puts on weight, but the biggest is "does he give himself time to exercise or do something which he likes?" Which isn't alcohol related?
Well I have lost nearly 6 stone and enjoy my beer . Just saying ................
He used to have a very physical job, but not as active now. He is totally not into excercise, suggested loads of options but he wont.
I dont mind him having the odd beer, but he just needs to limit it.
Im back to menu planning, so we all eat better and hope that will help him feel more inspired
Did he used to play any sport or be a member of a club?
Has he ever exercised?
Does he see exercise as a pain?
Has he stopped doing the things he used to do because of stress?
Loads of things to consider why someone puts on weight, but the biggest is "does he give himself time to exercise or do something which he likes?" Which isn't alcohol related?
Well I have lost nearly 6 stone and enjoy my beer . Just saying ................
He used to have a very physical job, but not as active now. He is totally not into excercise, suggested loads of options but he wont.
I dont mind him having the odd beer, but he just needs to limit it.
Im back to menu planning, so we all eat better and hope that will help him feel more inspired
Just try and be careful about limiting his beer. It may be his only vice . You don't want him resenting you or going behind your back .
Your roughly talking about 180 -203 calories in a typical pint of beer depending on what he drinks.
Red wine on the otherhand is 159 calories for a medium 175ml glass. Wine can really stack up the calories compared to beer .
It seems Mysteron has managed to answer all your questions with great solutions and reasoning.
Just a wild thought, why not try something different in the bedroom. I introduced bondage in a playful way. Before you go off laughing, just think about it.
A little blindfold and give him oral sex. Not being able to see heightens the other senses. I bought a spanking paddle, a softer satin and leather one. While my OH was washing the pots I pulled his trousers down and slapped him with it, before running off upstairs. He wrestled the paddle out of my hands before repaying the slap and the fun continued. My OH has had many partners and is a very experienced lover, but he had no experience with toys before me. It might be just the "something different" you need.
Fun Louise- we like fun, he esp likes to tie me up, When he's in the mood, hes in the mood. The actual sex life part is ok. Its more my disappointment in him seeming not to care about his appearance. And not seeing it as important. And sometimes not to even notice im there! ( he does, it just feels that way) especially after saying he wanted us to stay the same. Not let ourselves go
Mysteron- im going easy on him i promise! No man needs a naggy wife. I have no problem with a beer just cut down a wee bit
From personal experience booze is the weight killer. I've twice in my life got down to 10 stone which is what I think I should really be - but put it back on again. G/F used not to drink much but she is the queen of snacks - and the African perspective on rotundity differs from the WASP one. And Africans carry weight differently to Europeans. And although her history, while not exactly the life of a nun, was unkinky. She is still slightly vanilla but I have been a bad influence both about booze and slight kink. So I have been able to make the adjustment mentally to her size - and now need to address mine!
BUT (and I was working in this direction) the African cultures are in fact much more body clean than ours. Her (fussy) 19 year old daughter comments that I am the cleanest Oyinbo (white person) of which she is aware, and it is important to my G/F for our sex life that I remain so. I have not yet convinced her of all of the delights of the scents of a woman, but I'm working on it! So, bath together or shower together - or standing up sponge bath of each other - all good for the erotic.
Another temptation that gets most men is to let him know that you are going commando - which is actually extremely good for female health when the red bus is not in town. Try a nice walk after letting him know this - on the promise that he can check as you prepare to get into the shower together after the walk. Substitute, in effect, the shower and sex for the drink.
Must now cut the grass - as good exercise as a brisk walk!
Not sure what to do next! The last few weeks confusing to say the least. Hubby has been better at showering ect and generally looking after himself. Ive completely backed off the losing weight, other than making sure meaks ect are healthy.
Now though it feels like hes avoiding me, We had a nice few days last week. This week though he knew i was feeling horny, twice this week during the day he has made suggestions that we have some fun once the kids are in bed. But once they are asleep its obvious hes lost interest
Busy on his phone, or sudddnly needs to look at car insurance or just closes his eyes on the sofa and goes to sleep. I totally get he's getting tired its 9pm the day is busy, the kids are demanding of his time when he gets home ect. Im tired too. But I need more!
Feel like im on my own sometimes
Sounds like you have some similar issues but not quite the same to another close member and friend on here .
The only way your going to find out the root of the problem is through good comminmicatuon and as tactfully as possible. Ie don't make it soundl ike an interogation unless your doing a roleplay and that forms part of it. !
There are a number of possible reasons
1) He has an health issue ? ED ? More common than what most people think .But guys don't like talking about it . Possible solutions , trip the the GP , cock ring etc. Having and knowing he has ED for example will put a guy off having sex and will make up excuses for not having like the car insurance you mentioned .Another possble soplution is an On line self certifiiable prescription to buy Viagra. Viagra bought this way is expensive.!
2) The next one is a problem I had but didn't realise until I lost all my weght and never mentioned it on here before. When I was vastly over weight my manhood shrank to roughly 2 thirds of its original size . If being honest I thought it was an age thing and was particularly noticeable when I passed water as it was like a sprinkler due to the now over sized foreskin . I was considering circumscision to correct it . But It regained all of its lost glory when I lost 4 stone . I think it was down to the better blood circulation that it slowly came back and my Mrs has also notivced it as well ! But whilst the condition persisted it dented my confidence and appetite for sex.
3) External problems such as work can interfere with sex. I am also a culprit here becasue I have an over active brain that doesn't switch off . If things arn't going well at work then they don't go well in the bedroom either .Of course this all dependfs on what your OHs line of work is and responsibilities he has.
4) You could have a mismatch in your sex drives . These can also change as well over the years.If yours is much higher than his then you may have to adjust accordingly and perhaps bridge the gap with the use of the toy box contents. When you have sex on the few occasions make sure its quality and not just a quickie .
5) Tiredness can be linked in with the work problems . Just make sure he's not getting his kicks from watching porn when your not around or even masturbation without porn . Doing too much will obviously make him tired and lose his appetite for sex with you .Don't forget the adult channels on TV as well both Freeview and Sattellite/Cable . Many of these are free to watch.
6) Oddly enough guys if over weight can also suffer from body confidence issues. These case don't always belong to the girls . The only way of finding out is through talking about it.
A few things perhaps to think about and instead of having sex just have a few cuddles . Perhaps offer a massage which weill give you an excuse to get his kit off. But don't expect sex just relax him but perhaps you could turn it into an erotic massage if the right signals are there.
Perhaps not a comprehensive list but some thiungs to look at.
I think he does get very absorbed by what is going on his head at the time, be that work, insurance or looking at planes on his phone.
Im pretty sure there are no health issues worrying him . And its not a performance worry as when hes up for it theres no stopping him. I dont think he's looking at porn? He's never really been into it!
I actually am beginning to hate smart phones, too many distractions. I have suggested having at least 3 phone free evening a week so we have time to tslk ect. I think I will bring this up again tonight. Shut them both down and put them away
Im going to try to get the kids tea a bit earlier today so they can get to bed earlier and maybe free up some time for us!
I think he does get very absorbed by what is going on his head at the time, be that work, insurance or looking at planes on his phone.
Im pretty sure there are no health issues worrying him . And its not a performance worry as when hes up for it theres no stopping him. I dont think he's looking at porn? He's never really been into it!
I actually am beginning to hate smart phones, too many distractions. I have suggested having at least 3 phone free evening a week so we have time to tslk ect. I think I will bring this up again tonight. Shut them both down and put them away
Im going to try to get the kids tea a bit earlier today so they can get to bed earlier and maybe free up some time for us!
Thats good that you can eliminate so many things from the list. It give you chance to focus on the phone.
Perhaps a phone amnesty to limit his phone addiction may be good. Just make sure its not important work issues though he's getting involved with.
I am probably one of the 0.01% of the population that doesn't have a mobile phone. Should I need one I borrow my Mrs' phone. If anyone wants to contact me they can leave a message. So I understand your reasoning as why they can be a nuisance .
I actually am beginning to hate smart phones, too many distractions. I have suggested having at least 3 phone free evening a week so we have time to tslk ect. I think I will bring this up again tonight. Shut them both down and put them away
Do you have any at the moment? If not is 3 a bit if a jump? As an overweight guy, no matter what my wife says I don't feel sexy, I don't think I ever have. As a result if I'm feeling particularly conscious about my weight, I shy away from sex.