What do you feel is more intimate oral/penetration?

So we were having a random talk about swinging and agree it would maybe be something we would be open to in the future…possibly.

However When reading some posts on here we see a few comments about “‘soft swing’, so basically anything from a massage, to touching and oral sex, but save kissing and penetrative sex to their own partners.”

My personal thought is that would not be soft swinging as to me Oral is way more intimate than penetration. The other half doesn’t really see it that way.

So was wondering what other people’s opinions are.
I am not asking who is right or wrong! We total accept each others opinion and feelings.
I’m am just curious to know if others did feel the same either way.
(Mrs)

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For me both acts are deeply intimate, I really need to get to know someone before I can have any kind of sex with them. I have to have that deep connection with the person, this extends even to touch I dislike people I don’t know touching me (yet I have fanaticises about being in orgies go figure.). Me and my OH have also expressed an interest in trying swinging in the future, so this could be an interesting obstacle to overcome that and I’m pansexual and OH is heterosexual.

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This is just my opinion, but to me swinging creates distance in relationships. Each to their own and all that. I just feel as though if my OH was sleeping with someone else, I’d never look at them the same again.
he’s mine and only mine :joy:

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@Sehara I didn’t mean to come across that penetration wasn’t intimate for me it is immensely, just for some reason I kind of feel that oral is more so.
yea see I see where you are coming from and thinking more into it I’m not certain how I would actually feel in that position especially as I have never been with anyone else other than my OH.

@Best_Kinky_Couple total respect you opinion and i can understand where you are coming from, although I have heard stories that say different about the distance, I guess it is hard to know for sure how it would work out or how we would feel really without experiencing it. In honesty in my head the thought of seeing him with someone else is somewhat a turn on……however not ever having been in that position I guess I can’t say that is how I would feel in the moment.
I just want to also point out this is not something we are planning, it’s just a never say never for us at the moment.

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@Mr_Mrs_0 i didn’t mean it as you didn’t find both oral and penetrative sex intimate. I’m so sorry I’m not neurotypical and I can sometimes struggle to articulate my thoughts, I’m so sorry it came across that way that’s not what I meant at all. What I’m saying if for me “soft swinging” probably wouldn’t work as I have a very all or nothing way of thinking.

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@Sehara oh please don’t be sorry. I didn’t take it badly, I just didn’t think I wrote what I wrote very clear. I’m not great at communicating especially in text I can read the same thing several times and read it different every time it’s hard read emotion/tone, even in my own writing :sweat_smile:
I didn’t mean to make you feel bad :disappointed:
sorry.🫶🏻
(Mrs)

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I personally think soft would be all about the touching and arousal with no actual sex acts like oral or penetrating

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To me oral is a hell more intimate to me than penetration

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I would agree that oral would not be on my soft list. It feels way more involved than a massage.
I would say it’s the same as penetrative sex.

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I feel like the penetration is more intimate for me because its really interlocking and both full bodies close as can be, especially when sitting on you with legs wrapped round your waist. Oral being received by a male i see as a lot less intimate than a female receiving oral, i dont know why i see it that way. :man_shrugging:

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To me ‘soft’ would be masturbation and touching to orgasm but both oral and PIV are penetrative sex, which is far more intimate than a hand job After all a hand jobl is more a ‘getting to know you experience’

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I think both are equally as intimate. I think personally swinging is swinging whether sort or regular swinging. I couldn’t see the soft swinging remaining soft for very long. Or at least I couldn’t for me anyway.

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I think I definately feel more vulnerable or exposed with oral and perhaps for that reason would feel more intimate than intercourse

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Not for meee I’m too selfish… 1 woman for me

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I think PIV sex is more intimate than oral. I think anyone can give or receive a blow job…heck, you can pay someone on the corner to give you head. But to really insert your penis into a vagina and “willingly” cum inside a woman is honestly, in my opinion, very intimate.

It takes forethought and effort. It is riskier with pregnancy or other diseases that come from such and act. Even anal sex can be intimate, but the act of allowing someone (especially not your OH) to put a penis inside a vagina and hold onto one another, feel the breath and the heat…oh my, just writing this is working me UP!

PIV or anal is hands down more intimate

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I was talking to someone about this not too long ago! Coincidentally on the topic of swinging, and soft swaps.

For me there’s somewhat of a hierarchy of intimacy, which I appreciate not everyone will agree with, and thought it’s not exactly linear it goes something like:

  • kissing
  • handsy stuff
  • receiving oral
  • penetration
  • giving oral
  • anal sex

I didn’t always view things this way, and my view may change in the future. There are obviously grey areas that may change things if you include some kinks like rimming, bondage, impact play etc, but broadly speaking that’s my order.

I’d way sooner put my dick in a stranger before I went down on them.

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Yes I agree with you on most point and even would have a very similar list, as for kinks etc, I don’t think any of mine would be something I would ever consider with anyone other than Mr 0. Although that stated …. In the situation I may feel completely different :woman_shrugging:.

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I think that the way I’ve rationalised it is what would I be most comfortable/uncomfortable watching my wife doing with another guy, and I think that is the order.

I think I’m fine with her doing everything up to being eaten out (love that phrase), sex and a blowjob are a maybe under the right circumstances, but I think I’d want to keep certain things for me only eg bondage, anal, being rimmed, face f***ing etc.

It’s a moving piece though, so who knows.

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Personally I think oral is more intimate, however.

I don’t swing, I’m polyamorous, but at this time my husband is uncomfortable with me having penetrative sex with other people (it’s that one area where he is still quite religious!). I used to say “never say never”, as in, “he might change his mind someday” (and it has happened plenty of times before!), but having been abused by one poly ex (over the sex my husband got that he didn’t get, ironically) and dumped out of the blue by the other, my views towards my marriage currently are more “lightning doesn’t strike twice”. As such, I now see my husband’s wants for me to keep that part of our marriage excusive as entirely justified, even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. I hope that makes sense :slight_smile:

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We agree on this one - when his penis is in me and we’re laying there still, him on top, that’s the most intimate. Especially after he’s cum.

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