Okay okay. As most of you probably know, I had sex with my best friend the other day. And I have been saying to everyone including him that I DO NOT want a relationship after the one I've just got out of and the fact that I'm still not over him.
I've been spending an awful lot of time with him. As he's always been my rock. He's been my shoulder to cry on for a long while. Whenever anything has fucked up, he's been there. And he has never made a pass at me before. Especially when I've been in relationships!
He is coming round tonight. (We have always shared the same bed, even without sex. It's been this way for years if he comes round ) we will probably put on a film when my sprog goes to bed. Tomorrow when she goes up to her dad's he is coming to the gym with me. Then we are going out for a meal at god knows where. But knowing him it will be something expensive!
Do you guys think I am leading him on? I haven't changed anything except the fact that we slept together. We've known each other for maybe 10 years. And he knows I don't want a boyfriend. .. what do I do? I don't want him to be led on. Because I do love him. But not in that way. He knows that! Blah!
I don't want to ruin our friendship and I don't want him to think I'm leading him on. Do I mention it or do I just go on as normal?
oh my goodness, I think you just gotta keep being open about communicating how you feel and where you are at with everything. If he chooses to be there he is doing it knowing your mindset.
It doesn't sound like you're leading him on at all, just make sure you don't have sex again or even kiss, unless you're after a friends with benefits, then explain that to him, as long as you've made sure he knows where he stands you're fine
He is a very understanding man! And he has never hurt me in any way. We bicker like old women but besides that he's good! A real gem but I don't want to ruin our friendship!
It doesn't sound like you're leading him on at all, just make sure you don't have sex again or even kiss, unless you're after a friends with benefits, then explain that to him, as long as you've made sure he knows where he stands you're fine
Im with vanessa . Keep communication open and if your unsure then talk bout it sweet. Everyone needs to know the boundaries and where they stand even in friendships. Maybe during the gym a polite reminder if you just want friends say "its great having a friend like you to do things like...." Should open up his responsw to. Mabe sleeping togther blurred the lines abit so just anice friendly chat over dinner and bring up the fact you loves the experience but you feel ita unncessary to go further to jeopardise your frienship definately no leading just where you both stand left open just need to fill gaps
Sounds to me like he knows you need a good friend right now and is there for you, so I agree I dont think you are leading him on unless you keep up the sexual aspect without discussing boundries.
I think it was just a one time thing. And I know he knows I want nothing more to come from it. But I aren't a mind reader so I don't know if he would want things to progress if I did or if he has had or does have feelings for me. The way we are is very flirty anyway. And he knows everything ( and I mean everything ) about me. Eugh scatter brain!
Hey Kinks :) I don't think that you're leading him on at all, as you said, you were clear and said that you don't want a relationship. If this guy is your best friend, he probably knows that you're not over your last boyfriend. Why should it matter that you guys are having sex, it's clearly consentual and even though I don't know the guy, but after being friends for 10 years I'm sure he would tell you if he had something to say :) We all need our friends to be our rock every now and then, there's nothing at all wrong with leaning on someone every once in a while :) He sounds like a great friend to you to me :)
Hey Kinks :) I don't think that you're leading him on at all, as you said, you were clear and said that you don't want a relationship. If this guy is your best friend, he probably knows that you're not over your last boyfriend. Why should it matter that you guys are having sex, it's clearly consentual and even though I don't know the guy, but after being friends for 10 years I'm sure he would tell you if he had something to say :) We all need our friends to be our rock every now and then, there's nothing at all wrong with leaning on someone every once in a while :) He sounds like a great friend to you to me :)
Thank you Bex! He is a real gem! I absolutely adore him. I see him at least 3 times a week relationship or not and he's always straight with me. He tells me how it is. Like when I was crying about my cheating ex he was so supportive and he then said "if I was a girl. I'd bitch slap you so hard" and it's just things like that. He knows how to cheer me up and be there no matter what!
It's weird he's like my dad/brother/best friend/wingman/ boyfriend/ chef/ cleaner. All in one xD
Would you ever consider him as potential boyfriend material in the future?
the way i'm reading it is that youve always been honest with him that youre just friends and hes accepted that by not coming on to you when you have a bf and generally just being there for you. Its great that youre honest with him and said that at the min you arent looking for any relationship as youre still hurt by your ex.
but, by sleeping with him are you maybe sending off signals that you are interested in him sexually, and as a partner, but you just want to get over your ex first?
He might be under the impression that you arent ready for another serious relationship, but because you both had sex he might think that if he waits until you are ready you will be into him.
Some people start off as good friends and it develops into a relationship, whereas others either have no attraction to each other and know its never gonna happen! It could be a case where one of you believes it might turn romantic, but the other isnt into that at all and thats where things can get awkward once its out in the open if one person likes the other romantically but the feelings arent mutual.
I dont envy your position and i dont really know what i would do! Its nice to think an honest chat would result in you both feeling the same and carrying on as if nothings happened, but if the convo doesnt work out that way it could get messy, especially if you go on to date someone else and he feels like he was overlooked.
I agree with jm88as he may feel since you have went that bit further you might want a relationship in the future. If you guys are honest with each other you will find out what each other are looking for. Beswt wishes sure you will work it out
I was thinking the same as JM88 - would you ever consider him being your boyfriend? It sounds like you have got a wonderful friendship, and sometimes the best relationships comes from couples who were friends first :) xx
Right. Here goes. When me and he first met we had stupid teenage crushes on each other. We went on dates to McDonald's and all that crap haha! Then as we grew more romantic we kinda grew more fond of each others minds than each others... well... dick and pussy. Haha!
We have always kissed. Hugged, cuddled in bed. Done date night and so on when we are both single at the same time. We talk about everything from life after death to how funny the world would be if people were blue and trees were purple etc ha!
I think when we slept together he was trying to show me that there is life after a break up. And that other people can treat me right in and out of the bedroom.
He is definite boyfriend material. He is bloody perfect inside and out. He has a heart of gold. He's such a lovely man. Whereas I am a complete and utter cock head haha!! He knows and loves that about me. And I could see myself even marrying him. But I am a lot to handle. And I'd be scared of hurting him, scared of our friendship been ruined or scared of it been dead awkward because we knowere "too much" hah!
(He thinks I'm having a poo because I needed to reply to you guys.) *leaves bathroom*
Hun i dont envy you at the moment its a hard place to be. Dont put yourself down you are who you are. Take it slow somtimes we get to close to see the obvious. Nothing ventured nothing gained
Has he ever wanted or mentioned he would like a relationship with you before? Even if it was years ago. If he has I would then be a bit careful or not continue to sleep with him as he it might 1) hope that a relationship will come from it or 2) get those feelings back again. If he has never before asked about a relationship then just keep communication always open ect and continue playing if you both feel comfortable with it. Just words of warning though (and I dont want to sound negative but I've had my fair share of FWB) but it might be awkward for future boyfriend/girlfriends to know that you have both had this arrangement an still close friends.
You've been completely open and honest with him for as long as you've known him - I don't see that you're doing anything different now :) You had sex together - so what ? Keep communications open. No one can predict the future but my guess is that you'll remain best friends come what may.
I don't think you're leading him on and we all need a good mate. You've always been there for each other and I really don't think that what happened between you is going to change that xx