As the sites got bigger, gangs have formed, like the LH arms, its more like a private members club, ( new lady members only) , New male members get totally blanked, new female members welcomed, strange, I think thats why you'll find alot of members only use the private chat now, Some older members think they own the site or are LH shareholders, which puts new members off joining in on the forums, you reap what you sow, , the sites for everyone, not just a few people who are on here every night.
I don't use chat either Avrielle_Aniko and have only said hi to about two people who are on my friends list. I felt really welcome eight months ago when I first joined LoveHoney and I wonder if people still do now.
I agree that older members are getting more overlooked nowadays (Anyone seen Nympho lately?) and new female single members are getting more attention but that is unavoidable in a forum that mainly discusses sex issues and topics.
I love LoveHoney but this 'evolution' everyone talks of doesn't really involve me because I stick to old threads and never chat to anyone. Having said that if I had the time I would like to chat to people (especially you AA!) about more topics than "Hi how's your day? OK? Great."
I do not find you annoying AA - finding people who have the opposite viewpoint to you is easy in such a wide community as this so don't feel bad if someone doesn't like your posts. Stay here with us *Squeezes hand* We'll get through it!
I agree with a lot of what has been said here. As MTC, Dee and others have stated, it can be hard to feel still part of this community. I have made some great friendships here, both online and then moving into real life. It saddens me that great people have drifted away, not because they have changed or out grown the forum, but because they feel excluded. I hope that we can return to a more balanced community where old members are valued and new members welcomed. I am stubborn, so I hang around but to feel a proper part of it again would be great.
If you were to read any thread on any given day you will see that some threads consists of 2 or 3 people and all they do is talk between themselves and imo are very egotistical. If you want a conversation use chat, better still go on msn or skype if you wish to have a conversation between yourselves. Please let others have the chance to get involved.
Please lets get back to what this forum was about, helping each other, suggestions and basically having a laugh. Some topics will always controversial but we should accept that we are all different and have different opinions. It should never be about accusing people, tit for tat etc. God, Ive had my fair share of accusations and Im still here.. but only just.
While I have only been posting since early August, I have to agree with Dee, I have noticed the change. When I first started posting there were many threads that I felt able to contribute to, have a bit of a laugh and offer serious advise when appropriate.
I also when through a dark few weeks when I was unwell and during this time enjoyed and appreciated the support and encouragement of some of my new online friends. As a older member, I also felt that I was able to offer advice based on my experiences.
Recently however, I have felt that the forum has become a bit of a private members club. As Dee suggests if you want a chat amongst a few of you, please use a different media so the rest of us don't feel excluded. Recently I have not had a clue what some of the threads are about!
totaly agree this forum has changed use to be regular poster but now feel left out i agree with Dee looks like new members have taken over and if becoming a private memebers club and only want the new female members,,looks like us old ones have been put out to pasture lol..
Just to add my two cents... I, like many other members I'm sure, have just about started to feel like a real part of the forum community. At first, when I first started posting, I was a bit weary of offering advice, starting a thread etc., as I was very aware I was new and thought people may not have wanted my opinion (or valued it) as I wasn't as experienced as some of the members here.
I soon got over it and started saying hello and offering my opinion on threads. I don't tend to use chat (as it never bloody works for me! but also because I'm only ever here for 2 minutes at a time), and I use my phone- which freezes if I try to do more than post a comment- a lot of the time, so I have been guilty of holding a conversation on a thread (Sorry!).
But while I feel like I have been accepted and feel like people don't mind me posting my opinion or advice, I do feel that I'm just not welcome in some threads, as they are quite 'clique-ey' and I avoid posting. If a thread is posted asking for advice or an opinion, I will click on it and start reading the comments, and I would normally post my own comment hoping that I could help in some way. But now, I just tend to read some of the comments, and leave without posting. Totally with you, AA, on the whole "why bother".
Hopefully everyone will start feeling more welcome very soon and the forums can get back to what attracted me when I first joined- a helpful, friendly community where people can get advice without feeling judged or unwelcome.
do agree with you QueenC..it needs to get back to the old forums where peope was helpful to all,as you can see myself and Avrielle and others have been part of these forums since 2008 and i have never seen it this bad and un welcoming how things have changed
I agree with a lot of what has been said here. As MTC, Dee and others have stated, it can be hard to feel still part of this community. I have made some great friendships here, both online and then moving into real life. It saddens me that great people have drifted away, not because they have changed or out grown the forum, but because they feel excluded. I hope that we can return to a more balanced community where old members are valued and new members welcomed. I am stubborn, so I hang around but to feel a proper part of it again would be great.
mm see, and before I start this I'd like to say I respect the opinions of all who have posted in this thread and I'm not arguing back at you, I'd just like to put a bit of a point across (or perhaps reenforce a point from my previous post) in the spirit of a constructive discussion.
Yes there are offending threads that do exclude others but there are plenty that don't, but I think where the issue lays is that the 'social' threads such as the LH Arms, rant and cheered up, ICDW etc. move so fast that if you're not around you invariably will miss out of the gist of the conversation and might feel like you can't join in - I do tend to be on here quite a lot of so I'm a bit shocked that people feel this way when in my eyes (rose tinted spectacles again) that the community spirit and volume of discussion is at an all time high - I appreciate that volume doesn't necessarily mean quality but as per my previous post this forum appears to be going through a transition phase of moving away from long informative but perhaps formal posts to shorter chit chat less formal but maybe less informative posts and this in no small part down to the shift in core members and their posting habits. I am trying to find a (very) nice way to put this and I don't wish to be blunt and bitchy but it's what you make of it - it feels ever so slighty like a bit of a slap in the face spending approximately 12 hours a day posting or monitoring whats going on here, actively taking part in discussions to be told 'sorry but what you're posting doesn't appeal to me and you're making me feel excluded and ruining the community'...I completely and fully understand people have outside commitments and can't always be here but at the same time others do and put a hell of a lot of effort in and I am actually genuinly sorry from the very bottom of my heart if the discussion isn't to your liking and I hope with this thread there can be a more varied and wider range of topics but at the very same time that hope isn't going to come to fruitation by simply hoping and as Kohaku said on the previous page sometimes you just have to butt your keyboard in and post what you want to post and make the discussion what you want it to be..it is very selfish to make anyone feel excluded but it's also a little bit seflish to tell people they have to change their ways of posting because it doesn't suit a particular demographic and I don't think you're going to make any changes by going about it this way, but more by putting your typing caps on and getting stuck in and bringning some topics that would interest you more, whether that be in existing discussions or new ones. As I said on my previous post it really is what you make of it and if you feel like you can put the time in and bring back some of the type of discussion you'd like to see then great! Go for it I think it'd be a wonderful thing, it's not like in theory there is an uneven keel here such as you have to pay to start a thread, every one is free and most welcome to start new topics and I'd love to see some of the veteran members bring their style back (I was going to say sexy back..damn you Justin Timberlake), I'm just trying to nicely put the point across that if you're unhappy with the discussions then make new ones, ones that will interest you :) the last thing we'd want (and trust me..it'd be FAR worse than what is currently happening here) is forum stagnation because people are trying to stick to one model..that will lead to many more dedicated members leaving.
To take this from a practical point of view, one thing I've noticed is the shift from a topic-driven bulletin board approach to something much more choppy and fractured.
When the norm was to search out and add to established threads on a topic, we had months and sometimes years of advice and experience right there. I know I learned a lot from reading them, especially on subjects I never would have thought to look up. Now, with the tendency towards individual threads, all that's available is whomever happens to see it and contribute before the thread falls out of sight.
Consolidating chat and social posts in a handful of threads kept that sort of thing available for whomever wanted to participate, but also kept the more topic-based ones in sight for longer. Basically it was all tidier and things were easier to find.
I know that some of the new members like having their very own threads but that doesn't necessarily work for the larger forum community. We've gotten out of balance that way. I'd like to bring it back to something more broadly inclusive.
hate to think ive ever excluded anyone and im happy to talk to new woman and men, and older ones aswell, if i was part of any cliques then i didnt notice it, whenever the chat function decides to work again ill be happy to talk to those who feel theyve been left out and have nothing to do on here, and to join in any posts they create. If however you dont use the chat, dont add friends, or dont start a thread, then i dont see how i, or anybody, can be of any use as to helping this feel like more of a community for those involved, as TT said its very much what you make of it xx
AA I fully appreciate and take on board your comments, this is a big part of why I called a truce to the thing this morning and KF and I have discussed it in private and we shall carry on our little skirmish but in private.
It is sometimes easy to get carried away, there is a huge difference in the amount of time people get to spend on here and when you're here for most of the waking day it is easy to be guilty of a bit of spamming and perhaps forget the core rules but at the same time it definitely wasn't KF's or my intention to annoy or upset people it was just a bit of out of hand fun and I think a quiet word in private chat to either or both could have been just as effective on that particular situation but I don't wish to create bad feeling here and however the grievances have been aired they have been taken on board, noted and action taken.
I am afraid TT you are one of those worse offenders .. sorry but its true but lets hope you and others do take action and begin to allow others to post and reply.
I am afraid TT you are one of those worse offenders .. sorry but its true but lets hope you and others do take action and begin to allow others to post and reply.
Well hate to say it Dee but I feel like you've just entirely glossed over my point about if you're not making the effort you're not going to get to see what you want to on the forum and you're making me feel excluded now. I shall indeed take action and not bother posting but for a few key threads where I am needed (such as Orks story)
I have only been on the forums a couple of months and have to admit that sometimes i do just give up trying to join in on threads because it feels like your cutting into someone elses conversation. Possibly it was worse at the start of the year and is now getting better but for someone just joining it can be hard to get involved x
TT you cannot get much from the forums if its being dominated by a few people. Others have noticed this too. I know you said you are going to make an effort, good for you. I didnt meant to offend you.
Also, sometimes you cant just `butt' into a conversation that is between two people who obviously do have rapport.. it would be rude to. But I will try harder myself to get involved where I can and help and advise where I can.
TT you cannot get much from the forums if its being dominated by a few people. Others have noticed this too. I know you said you are going to make an effort, good for you. I didnt meant to offend you.
You are missing my point entirely! It is NOT being dominated by a few people, HOW can it be dominated? Do we have a right that allows us to make more posts or start more threads than you?...au contraire..it is being kept alive by core members who are posting topics that interest them! Sorry you don't like the topics but if you were to make more of an effort to post on stuff you feel would interest you perhaps you may see topics that appeal to you? Why should I have to apologise for posting in my own style with stuff that interests me? You're basically saying if I can't conform to how you think I should post I shouldn't post...yes Dee I am offended and shaking with anger a bit tbh, I hold active forum accounts on at least 11 forums across the internet one of which I moderate responsibly and I know full damn well how to act on and integrate myself into an online community and I also know full damn well what happens when discussions take the same old route of question and answer, they stagnate and people get bored. I only stick around here because I enjoy the fast paced free nature of the posting but I have plenty to keep me busy on chat so thats where I shall keep it from now on
personally if anyone offends me I just ignore them (only because I cant smack them in the mouth LOL )
Same here. I really don't like conflict so if I have an issue with a particular person I will do my best to avoid interacting with them, or be civil if I have to speak to them. I really do hate all the bad feeling on the site these days but sadly it seems to be something that happens a lot on the internet. I always end up trying to be the peacemaker with squabbling friends on other sites...
xx