Why do women prefer solo sex over having intercourse with a partner?

Sex Tips & Talk
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Maybe you are not referring to you or your relationship specifically, but I wonder if there is a little more underneath this for you to be supporting those views in the first place perhaps?
If it’s men in general, and this issue is wide scale like the article suggests and you believe, I am surprised that on an open forum that is very sexual by nature, that:

  1. the female form are supporting this and saying yes, this is how it is, or
  2. males in relationships on here are in agreement saying well yes, that explains exactly why I have no intimacy in my relationship

That is a ridiculous conclusion to be make!
Personally speaking, my OH has a lower sex drive than me. However, it is not often at all that she’ll play solo. We use toys together as foreplay, and we both much prefer to wait to play together.
A lower sex drive does not imply for one second that women then prefer to masturbate. Why would it?

Again, you’re not backing your argument with anything valid. Are you seriously trying to tell me there are no societal changes in twenty years? If your societal views have not changed over that period, therein lays the problem my friend!
You are ignoring elements such as the LGBT+ movement, ableism, racism, and many other 'isms that are slowly but surely changing and evolving into a far more inclusive society. That’s not to mention the outing of high powered wealthy people that thought they were entitled to do as they please, as @Knottydevil mentioned.
Young people having less sex now to twenty years ago doesn’t support that argument, and I’m sorry but for me a survey of 10,000 people in America isn’t conclusive for me. And again, it’s just numbers, there isn’t actually any context as to circumstance - the article does exactly the same as you are doing, makes assumptions.

The article also highlights:

“The study authors noted that the survey questions did not define what it means to “have sex.” The trend toward less sex might have little to do with what goes on in the bedroom; instead, it may reflect a shift toward a more narrow view of what qualifies as “sex,” they wrote.”

Which to me supports the change in societal views and the evolution around that.

Anyway, @svenbjornsson carry on banging your devastating article drum, and I’ll carry on banging with my better half, because although we may have different sized “preoptic areas”, it doesn’t stop us either enjoying ourselves and each other :man_shrugging:

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43

Well said @Lovehoney_Brenna I could have written that myself (nowhere near as eloquently).
Sometimes I fancy solo - sometimes partner sex.
The problem with statistics is there are so many variables.
I’m sure it’s true for some for various reasons as much as untrue for others.
Not all people of the same gender are the same (obviously).

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44

If you were to actually read some of the other topics on this forum, you would actually see from REAL people that your statistics and ideas are completely meaningless and wrong.

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45

@WillC we are definitely not “normal folk” on this forum :rofl:

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46

And I’ve got paper work to say that I’m not “normal” :crazy_face::rofl:
Hubby says that he wouldn’t have me any other way :joy:

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47

@Dirty-Wife normally is boring babe x

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48

Well, when i say normal, i mean “real” people not anonymous statistics!

We should embrace our abnormality! :crazy_face:

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49

Personally, I find the use of the word ‘frigidity’ offensive and antiquated.

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50

Nothing wrong with some solo time but my wife and I definitely prefer playing together, much more fun

51

I must agree with you @Saffron18 I hate the word and find it very offensive.

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52

Totally agree, really annoys me

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53

Haven’t chimed in here because it is a back and forth on Psychology… I think I am more happy to see @Lovehoney_Brenna also chimed in.

I think we all long for love, affection, human touch and social interaction. I have a few buddies that sit at home, don’t have girlfriends and likely jack off all the time. This is not making them well-rounded people. On the other hand I think the sex I think of as a mid-40’s male with a wife of 22 years and 2 children who are getting into their teens has made us appreciate the rewards of a healthy family (old school view of monogamous heterosexual relationships so let’s not get into another argument)

I do know that I get way more excited knowing that Mrs. Val is planning a night of sex rather than going home to an empty house to watch some porn, blow my load into a tissue and crack a beer. I think that would get old pretty quick.

I am someone who loves to be alone but I don’t think it is healthy. Maybe these ladies don’t want to be alone but it is how we are teaching our sons to be that makes them afraid to be in relationships. Shame on us as parents if we can’t raise our kids to be good friends, mates and partners, especially our sons.

Or maybe the girls would rather masturbate than deal with all the shit that comes with relationships.
Who knows - to each their own…

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54

I wouldn’t say I prefer it but I masturbate much more just because it is more available, easier and quicker sometimes. I don’t see it as second choice at all and I don’t mind admitting that I do like to masturbate frequently.

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55

I’m kinda just shrugging at this. Don’t really see it as devastating or all that surprising if it is true?

Not gonna lie, I’m one of those that prefers to do DIY over partner sex the majority of the time. But that doesn’t mean I hate sex. Masturbation is just more convenient and fun for me. I can only really speak for myself but some factors include:

  • It helps me sleep and I can do it in near silence in bed.

  • It’s less messy.

  • There’s a huge variety of toys to play with which are specifically designed to pleasure you.

  • It’s safe (no risk of unwanted pregnancy and stuff).

  • Orgasms are basically guaranteed.

  • It can be as long or quick as I like. Plus just easier in general.

  • You can be totally selfish and only think about your own pleasure. It can be hard to focus when another is involved or feeling insecure/shy in general. I fantasize most if the time so I can be banging anyone/anything in my head but being with a partner is much more personal.

We still incorporate toys in our sessions which make them way more enjoyable for both of us. So it’s not always about choosing one over the other since you can have both. He’s said he definitely understands why women would use toys over a partner, though. Toys are built purely for pleasure with research behind them so he’s not surprised they can “outdo” a dick and is jealous he doesn’t have the equipment to use them like I do :joy:

Same! I got incel vibes from that. So if I prefer to ride my dildos like the grand national all day over having sex with my partner then I have a case of “frigidity”? What’s frigid about that? :thinking:

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56

I wanted to suggest incel vibes too, but was worried about sounding offensive.

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57

Ditto, it was also the adherence to meaningless statistics that made me think it.

@CurvyJilly

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58

Well I am like previous posters, life is to short to even give this a minute of my thought. To be honest what difference does it matter. I could not care less if women prefer sole sex over intercourse. I certainly would not be devastated by it, not even concerned. I get concerned/devastated by homelessness, poverty, death. Your comments are a bit like footballers being called heroes.

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59

@svenbjornsson Societal attitudes frequently change, people are generally more tolerant and open minded today then say compared to even 20 years ago.

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60

The definition of ‘inability’ when viewed through the eyes of a clinician ignores that sexuality is a complex social function. Do you know of any ‘frigid’ men? Not many as a rule, and certainly not 30-50%, and how many women would be surprised that men enjoyed masturbation. I’d warrant a guess…none?

The view that it is OK to enjoy the sexual functions of one’s body is only recently emerging for women. In many places, it is still not OK. That is why many societies still practice the double standard that accepts men’s right to have mistresses, while women, in the same societies, have only their husband, possibly for pleasure, but primarily for procreation.

So, with those societal constraints, it saddens me to think of the 30-50% emerge with such mental/emotional pressure within themselves, that they have not learned to be able to (not physically CANnot) enjoy the sexual functions of their body.

Your original statistic also describes the desire for enjoying oneself alone over with a partner. I would hazard a guess that some women still respond to the relationship that sex is with oneself is for their own pleasure, while sex with a partner can engender interactions not focused on the women’s pleasure. this is not to say there are not partners focused on the pleasure of the woman, but there is just alot of miseducation out there (some say that today it’s furthered by the prevalence of porn, which many use as an idealized but educational resource, mistakenly) about how women have sex.

Personally, I believe self-love is a necessity in order to have great partner sex. I mean, think of other skills, like football. No one says, only practice football with your team. They say strengthen your methods/abilities so you can play well with your team… :joy:

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61

What a funky thread!
Based on pretty much nothing too - a survey from a small sex toy company in 2013, sent as a press release to Cosmopolitan and then printed (probably after the sex toy PR person bought the writer lunch)
I think in this case, they were just looking at getting their name out and promoting toys.
There are massive longitudinal studies about sexual behaviour, like Masters and Johnson and Kinsey, but they just reveal what a wide tapestry of sex occurs in the general population.
I love this forum as there is such a range of erotically enlightened persons from diverse countries and backgrounds.
Honestly, you can never tell what someones deepest sexual fantasies and habits are, we are just all so varied.
And if women are getting their rocks off more on their own, fair play to them!
We have to get rid of this ‘orgasm gap’. Men have been wanking themselves silly since the dawn of time no doubt, and it’s about time women got to enjoy their fair share!!!
Finally, we are getting somewhere with a ‘sex positive’ culture and female friendly (and led by females) shops, websites, toys, videos etc …
When I was young, to get a sex toy meant having to visit a seedy shop in the west end of London and being confronted by brutal hardcore pictures on videos, and awful toys! It was horrible.
Now my wife and I can enjoy Lovehoney and have fun finding out about wonderful toys made of lush materials, that are actually designed for female pleasure!
If I was female, I’d probably never get out of the house. I’d be too busy self pleasuring myself into a coma :joy: :crazy_face: :rofl:

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