So this is a topic that came up recently in my life. Anyone stalking me around the forums will know I went to a swingers party recently and had an awesome time :) One of the guys I got with was 44 whereas I'm 21. Usually when friends are dating we have a "half plus 7" guideline where you take the oldest persons age (e.g. 44) half it (22) and add 7(29) then that's the number where it's not "weird" to date them. But this is ofc arbitrary and I've one well outside of that guideline straight away with more than one bloke there :/ (Not that I really care! :P ).
Has an age gap ever been an issue for you? Either in sex or in a relationship? Or even a bonus? Perhaps you're young and prefer someone experienced :P
I haven't personnaly dated with a huge age gap - not actually done that much dating anyway before I met my husband tbh!
It wasn't a conscious decision, just happened that way.
If it works for you, who am I or anyone else for that matter to pass comment or judgement!
Enjoy - that's what I say.
The only time I think it could cause issues would be if the male partner was much older and you decided to have children, with the possibility of losing him while the children are still very young - and yes I know people are raising kids on their own more and more, but for me, if I had wanted kids, this would maybe have been a consideration.
I've only had a 6 year age gap. It doesn't sound like much but I had just started college whilst he was already in the working world. I was very immature compared to him. He had a house, a car and even a dog whilst I was studying and having weekends in the pub with friends. The relationship didn't last, had we met after I finished college it may have been different.
I don't see any issues with an age gap, obviously as long as both parties are of legal age and happy then it shouldn't be a problem. Sod what everyone else think its up to those in the partnership.
There was a big age gap between me and my ex (the one that has broken my heart).when we first went out I was 38 and she was 19.i was concerned about it but she said it wasn't an issue. I don't feel like there was a gap in terms of likes and interests.it did seem to just be a number and it was wonderful.but then she broke my heart and won't tell me why so maybe not the best example 😉😭
There was a big age gap between me and my ex (the one that has broken my heart).when we first went out I was 38 and she was 19.i was concerned about it but she said it wasn't an issue. I don't feel like there was a gap in terms of likes and interests.it did seem to just be a number and it was wonderful.but then she broke my heart and won't tell me why so maybe not the best example 😉😭
Sorry she hurt you so badly - it does sound like she ultimately lacked some maturity - no excuse though!!!
There was a big age gap between me and my ex (the one that has broken my heart).when we first went out I was 38 and she was 19.i was concerned about it but she said it wasn't an issue. I don't feel like there was a gap in terms of likes and interests.it did seem to just be a number and it was wonderful.but then she broke my heart and won't tell me why so maybe not the best example 😉😭
Sorry she hurt you so badly - it does sound like she ultimately lacked some maturity - no excuse though!!!
Thank you xxx I know I've gone on about her alot (I really have) and looking at it,maybe a committed long term relationship wasn't something she was ready for.i still only see age as a number and not a reflection of how I feel
Logan, I agree with LNT. She lacked some maturity. As you can see from my reply I was the younger person and I really screwed up my ex. I feel dreadful for it to this day and we split when I was almost 19! I didn't feel ready to commit to a grown up relationship. It was almost a decade after I saw him again in passing. We had a chat, I apologised and he understood. We just met at the wrong time of our lives. One day your ex will realise how awful she was. I suppose that's when age gaps can go a bit wrong isn't it?
The largest age gap Ive had in a relationship is my current one of 5 years. Me being nearly 27 and him having just turned 22. Its not enough of a gap for there to be any issues caused by it though and he is mature for his age.
I think some people can make a big age gap work if they are right for each other :) Ive certainly met 20 year olds with more maturity then some 40 year olds I know. It definitely depends on the individuals involved.
Age gaps don't bother me. Attraction is ageless in my books, if you fancy them you fancy them. Me and my OH have a 10 year difference between us. It's our journeys through life that make us and I wouldn't have her or me any other way.
And I'm not just saying that cos I know she's reading this!
My husband and I are about 30 years apart. We met when I was 35 and he 65 and it was like the hottest love I could ever have imagined. He turned me on so much with all the things he did to me to excite and make me hot. We began swinging after a few years, he encouraged me to express my bisexuality, we began having 3-somes first MFF then MFM which turned me on incredibly! I am of Chinese descent and we are more respectful and loving to older people which may have allowed this for me. Our relationship is as strong or stronger then ever after almost 10 years! I don't want to make too much of this but I am a bit submissive and live to please him and make him happy and he me as well! Bebe
We have an age difference of of 11 years which to me isn't anything. He does worry about being older, that it might be off-putting for me but it's really not. Every now and then I have to reassure him of that.
He's 38 and I'm quiete a young looking 27 so maybe it feels like more of a gap to him.
My OH is 17 years my senior, and that puts him in his mid 50's. Initially when we got together 12 years ago it bothered him that I was so much younger. He feared getting hurt (in much the same way as Logan has been I suspect). But as time passed he began to reolise that I wasn't going anywhere and that I did really love him.
My mother disapproves, saying he is nearer her age than mine, but I don't care. She is alone, and I am/we are happy, so it's no business of hers. If she made me chose she would lose what she sees of me now, which isn't much, so she doesn't push the topic.
We went abroad on holiday when we first met and my OH was asked if he wanted a table for him and his daughter, at the restaurant. OH replied no me and my girlfriend, the waiter leaned round to look behind my OH, which made me laugh but OH was a bit anoyed. So I kissed him and the waiter got the idea.
As a couple we are quite happy, there are conversations that I can't join in because I'm too young to remember, and his sex drive is less than mine, but he is quite happy for me to play solo.
The largest age gap I ever had with someone I was dating / in a relationship with / I'm-not-actually-sure-what-the-hell-it-was was 15 years. I was 22, he was 37. It didn't last very long, but it wasn't anything to do with the age gap - he just turned out to not be quite right for me. The age had nothing to do with the split though. (Although I will say I remember feeling a pang of weirdness when I realised there was the same age gap between me and him, and him and my mum - but still, it was only momentary!)
Other relationships I think my average has been anything between a 5-7 year gap and, again, I don't feel age was directly linked to those relationships not working long term. I used to go for someone just a little bit older as I've always been a bit of an "old head on young shoulders" and wanted some maturity in my man, but as we all know, age does NOT = maturity! I did find with one guy that he thought he was dominant (and not in the nice way) because of his age, but that was because he was a jerk, not because of how many years he'd been flopping about on this planet.
I was 21 when I met my OH and she was 29 .The age difference has never been an issue and nearly 34 yrs and two grown up kids later where still together.
My three adult relationships had age gaps of 16, 17 (at 18-21) and 10 years (at 24-26). Basically the age I go for stayed the same, I just got older! My relationships ended for lots of reasons but none had anything to do with age. I think it's more about what stage you are at in your life and what you want from a relationship than age. Personal maturity also comes into it.
If we are just talking about sex, the biggest age gap would probably have been something like 25 years when I was in my late teens/early 20s. I know there were a couple that were as old or older than my mum!
I've never slept with someone younger than me. I wouldn't write off dating or having sex with someone younger but if it was more than a couple of years, I think maturity and life experience could be an issue.
My experience is that any age difference does not matter. I met my OH when she was 16 and I was 27. We got married when she was 19 and we are about to celebrate our Silver Wedding on Wednesday. We are still so happy and so much in love. Short break booked for us to celebrate, room booked with a four poster bed!! It's going to be kinky!!!!
I definitely think that age can be very irrelevant, depending on where you both are in life and what you're both looking for - as with any relationship good communication is essential in understanding what the other person wants/needs and establishing whether that's in line with what you want/need.
My current partner is 7 years older than me and I think sometimes my immaturity shows but he deals with it well, whereas sometimes I think he's old and boring. These aren't necessarily traits which come with age, but I find it fun to wind him up every now and then.
Previously I have had relationships with men 30 years my senior but we both knew these were not long term relationships, rather I got off on sleeping with older men and they enjoyed a younger woman. Some of these men definitely it wouldn't have worked out with if it had been a longer term relationship but that's because we wanted different things in life, whereas others I think it definitely could have worked. What you mustn't let break you apart is the opinions of others - because no doubt there will be some very judgemental people about!
Age doesn't bother me, ore meaning towards if he's older. I wouldn't date anyone younger than me. I do have a fantasy of having sex with someone older. In their 40-50s.
I like to think of myself as fairly open minded and liberal so I wish I could say that 'Age ain't nothing but a number' but from my own experience, and from that of friends and partners, it's a bigger issue than most would like to admit.
I was 18 when I dated a 47 year old. I was a virgin at that point and he was great about it. He never pushed but we certainly explored and I can honestly say I had some of the best orgasms of my life with him. However, he had a son who was actually a year or so older than me. Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it. It got to the point with his son (who was understandably unhappy with the situation) that he basically broke us up. To be fair, in retrospect, my ex made the right decision for his family and ultimately I'm grateful that we ended it.
My partner had the opposite. He was the younger partner dating a woman about 20 years older. He said it was fantastic at the start, great sex and similar interests, but she had already had children and didn't want any more. By the time he decided that he would like to start a family, she hit menopause and lost all interest in sex generally, let alone for procreation.
Finally, I think about my godmother's situation and that's the final nail in the coffin for huge age gaps for me. She married a man 15 years older, not so much of an issue when you're 20 and 35 but when you're 60 and your partner's 75, there can be real problems. He just doesn't have the energy to keep up with her any more. She's just retired and wants to travel and he's starting to feel his age.
Now, I'm aware that this is a generalisation, but I've seen it time and time again with friends and family where the gap catches up with you later. Casual sex is one thing (like I said, I've had some truly amazing sex with much older men and women) but I think a long term relationship will have some extra issues when an age gap is that big.
Really interesting to read everyone's responses so far!