Am I being over sensitive

Hi all.
Recently bought the men’s collar and cuff dress up set.
Wore it for first time for Mrs LancsinCheshire yesterday as she had previously said that having a sexy butler was one of her fantasies.
She completely broke down in laughter which to be honest was very demoralising.
She insists I wear it again , though understandably I am very wary. My question is do I try again or give it up as a failure.


Oh bless I feel for you so much here. I can only imagine how that must have made you feel.

From a ladies point of view I actually think I could be guilty of giving the same reaction. I know if my husband did this, no matter how much I wanted him to and how sexy I found it, I know I would laugh as soon as I saw him. If she’s anything like me, I tend to laugh quite uncontrollably in new and exciting situations, also if I’m a little nervous too, it’s not by choice or that I find something amusing, it just happens.

Honestly if you feel up to it, I would totally give it another go, I mean who wouldn’t want a sexy butler! And she’ll be ready this time :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


Totally agree with @Blonde_Bunny I think it is all in that last sentence “And she’ll be ready this time”. This I’m sure it was just your wife’s first reaction. For example I may love my Husband to put on my panties during a session. But if he had just walked in wearing them the surprise would definitely make me laugh. Talk about it and please try again.


Thank you for your caring advice , really appreciate it :smiley:


As a man myself I totally get that! But you gotta try again dude! It’s nice that you can both have a good time and laugh about stuff - I won’t repeat what’s already been said but I couldn’t agree more with the replies above.

Hope it goes well next time mate!


It was possibly an involuntary reaction to the surprise, fight or flight response, but in this case nervous laughter.

Have another go I am sure that the response will be different, try a different scenario, you bulter, your OH French Maid, the naughty goings on ‘below stairs’ in the masters big house.

I have been in the same situation, persevering will win out and you will get the response you desire. Good luck.


Don’t be disheartened, i have been guilty of the same thing. My OH surprised me with an outfit she knew would make my day, when i saw it, i couldn’t stop laughing. She was so offended. I tried to explain that i was not laughing at her, but with sheer joy at how she looked and that she’d fulfilled one of my fantasy’s. I explained that i had the same reaction to other joyous events and she saw my point. Next time it WILL be ok.


I agree with @James89 you may feel a little humiliated by your IH laughing but please try to remember than what ever you do it is supposed to fun, either with giggles trying something new or different is all about experiences you don’t like it either of you then you don do it again try something different move on! Get back on the horse bro :sunglasses: :+1:give it another go . Can I just add to this fantastic thread and well done for it we don’t talk enough us men take a bow :bowing_man: :+1::ok_hand::raised_hand_with_fingers_splayed:


Laughter was probably because it was something different but seeing as she wants you to wear it again I would be ok about it, I would be put off embarrassed if she didn’t say she wanted to see me in it again.


I can’t add anything more to the great replies you’ve already received, but I’m definitely encouraging you to try it again.

I laughed last weekend when my OH became more vocal in bed after I had expressed how much I enjoyed that kind of thing. It came from nowhere but a place of shock and oh-my-god-this-is-absolutely-great.

Go for it again. She’ll love it.


Yes the nervous involuntary laughter is more common than you think @Lancsincheshire . I should imagine it was more the surprise of it all rather than anything else but please don’t let this crush your confidence.
Maybe she just panicked a bit thinking ’ Oh now I’ve got my sexy butler I don’t really now what to do about it!’
She clearly must have loved it or she wouldn’t be asking you to wear it again. I’m sure the second time around will be so much better!


Ah, I’m so sorry @Lancsincheshire - I have been there so definitely empathise. It feels so horrible and you just want to crawl up and hide don’t you!

I think if it was me, it would depend on how the other person said they did want me to wear it again if that makes sense? I think you can usually tell when someone actually really means they do want you to wear it, and I’m sure as others have said it was just the initial shock/excitement that caused her to laugh.

If you do want to go ahead then one thing I’ve learnt is that you need to be in the mood before doing that kind of thing. You know like when you watch porn and you’re super into it then you cum, have post nut clarity, and think what on earth am I watching! Similar to that, there are certain things that will make us laugh/be disgusted by if we’re not turned on/aroused. So get her (and you) in the mood, until shes begging for it, tell her you have a surprise for her, then when you come back looking hot as fxck I’m sure she’ll be absolutely into it.

Alternatively, I’m inclined to suggest trying a different outfit first before going back to this one, just to build your confidence back up first!

Good luck :blush:


The initial shock and surprise is behind her now and if she’s keen for you to wear it again then go for it.
Don’t surprise her while she’s eating dinner but let her know in advance and maybe even suggest she joins you in wearing a sexy outfit at the same time to add to the fun.
If dressing up works for you both and why wouldn’t it, then it’ll get easier.
Either way you have nothing to feel embarrassed about.


A little giggle makes things light hearted, ask her what she thinks about it? I think you felt uncomfortable because your out of your comfort zones slightly with it. I agree with the others she laughed because she wasn’t expecting it. You would know if she didn’t like it because she would say ‘what are you wearing?’ and give you an awkward look. Mostly likely.


Definitely wear it again I’d would of been the same and had a giggly , but believe me next time if my hubby worn it I would have very sexual explicit plans for him! So don’t give up, I think laughter is important in the bedroom to! Ohhhh and come back and tell us how you get on!


A really big thank you to all the positive replies and support shown :star_struck:
. I think this shows how good this forum is and how we can all help each other . Really good to have a ladies perspective as well.


If she wasn’t expecting it I can’t say I blame her so don’t be disheartened.

Perhaps next time, get her to put them on you so it’ll be more sexy and less comedy


I would try again. Make sure she is ready for it. Serve her a meal and play the role.

Have a conversation about and and make it a date night.

@Lancsincheshire I’ve been in a similar situation. I’d say go for it, but talk with her first if you need more reassurance in order to feel more confident.

So, here’s my story:

Matched with a guy on Tinder, we met up, checked in to a hotel, had some fun and when we took a break I went out for a smoke.

When I walked back in our room, he was wearing only a half-open white robe (provided by the hotel) and a bright red ball gag. He held his hands against his body with the fingers pointing down, like a begging dog would do.

Even though I am kinky and into BDSM, I wasn’t prepared for this. Maybe your wife wasn’t, either. My instinctive reaction was to burst into laughter. Thankfully I managed to ‘‘save’’ it by turning it into a degradation thing.

In the end, we both had a wonderful time that night. We live far away from each other, but if we’d meet again then I would be prepared that something like this would happen. Hell, I might even ask him to do it again so I can react ‘‘right’’ this time.

Bottom line is that your wife wants you to wear that collar and cuff dress up set again. This means that she enjoys seeing you in it and I bet she won’t have the same reaction next time.

However, both of you need to take your feelings (and even insecurities) into consideration. Therefore I think that you should talk with her before giving it another go. What is it that she enjoys, what would she like you to do? How would YOU like her to make you feel and how do YOU wish to be treated?


Yay me! The party is never too late to arrive to!

In short, YES!!! Try it again! As others have said, she’ll be more ready. Also might not hurt to tell her how you feel.

Neither men nor women can read minds. And if it bothers you enough to not be able to just let it go then, it might not hurt to humbly and nicely explain how you feel.

Might seem like a trivial thing to be irked or embarassed over but if it is then it is and needs to be addressed.

Doubt OH was trying to make you feel awkward or embarassed. But definitely worth a shot because any time my OH wants to spice up the bedroom I’m typically for it.

Well, maybe not all things, but so very many. It’s also awesome of you to reach out and try to surprise her with one of her fantasies! Go you! :slight_smile: