As some of you know my dad died recently and it has really left me feeling vulnerable and lost.
This is probably a really weird thing to ask but here goes…
Background: I have been sleeping with male FWB for over 2 years now and feel genuinely safe and secure with him.
I am seeing him on Tuesday and he knows about my dad and how much it has upset me. I am feeling very fragile emotionally and I’m trying to find a way to ask him if he can (literally) slow things down when we have sex next time. Usually if we haven’t seen each other for a while it’s more ‘fast and hard’ - which I usually love
Just to clarify, it is definitely a casual relationship. We have very clear, mutually agreed boundaries and I am only requesting a bit more softness because of how I’m feeling atm. There is no worry that it will result in “feelings”.
@Cali_Nyx bless you. As @Green_Eyed_Girl says he knows so I cant imagine he will be surprised that you want something a little more sensual (sensual is the word Id use) x
@Cali_Nyx FWB relationships can be fantastic but using the right words can be a minefields.
I remember once being asked for some “loving” to describe that my longterm ex FWB wanted something different to our usually hook ups. I freaked right out
Right! And I’m already an over-thinker. I was starting to wonder if I was over-thinking my over-thinking. Then I considered that I was under-thinking my thinking
@Cali_Nyx it can feel a bit harder asking a fwb for something different as we usuallt set in stone that it is just about sex. That being said it can still be about the sex just a bit more consideration taken in to accout. I would set the mood before he gets there. Light some candles, leave out the nice massage oil. Wear some nice lingerie. Tell him what you want, you don’t need to explain why. If he cares about you enough he will not even ask you why. He would probably welcome a wee change up.
I’ve had the same fwb for about 16 years ( i am now 46). Although I’m not shy in telling him what i want.
Give yourself the time to heal, be kinder to yourself. Know that you deserve the very best
Be kinder to yourself . None of us are perfect. We all have flaws.
At the age of 46 and for many years before that, i have stopped being so hard on myself.
I leave that for others to judge, and hand on heart not one flying fuck is given to the people who judge me. They arent my people if they do.
Look at your positives, even if you think its only one good thing. Focus on that, build your own confidence and don’t let anyone tell you any different
If there’s a mutual understanding then I can’t see there’d be any issues with asking him to go slower on you with how your feel at the moment as is totally understandable
