As some of you know my dad died recently and it has really left me feeling vulnerable and lost.
This is probably a really weird thing to ask but here goes…
Background: I have been sleeping with male FWB for over 2 years now and feel genuinely safe and secure with him.
I am seeing him on Tuesday and he knows about my dad and how much it has upset me. I am feeling very fragile emotionally and I’m trying to find a way to ask him if he can (literally) slow things down when we have sex next time. Usually if we haven’t seen each other for a while it’s more ‘fast and hard’ - which I usually love
Just to clarify, it is definitely a casual relationship. We have very clear, mutually agreed boundaries and I am only requesting a bit more softness because of how I’m feeling atm. There is no worry that it will result in “feelings”.
Just ask if you can go for something slower and less intense this time with them. Explain. If they know about your dad then they should understand
@Cali_Nyx bless you. As @Green_Eyed_Girl says he knows so I cant imagine he will be surprised that you want something a little more sensual (sensual is the word Id use) x
Yes, sensual is a better word
@Cali_Nyx FWB relationships can be fantastic but using the right words can be a minefields.
I remember once being asked for some “loving” to describe that my longterm ex FWB wanted something different to our usually hook ups. I freaked right out
Right! And I’m already an over-thinker. I was starting to wonder if I was over-thinking my over-thinking. Then I considered that I was under-thinking my thinking
@Cali_Nyx join the club. My FWB actually laughed out loud when he saw the look on my face. Became something of an in joke.
Just be honest with him, tell him you are just a little fragile.
@Cali_Nyx it can feel a bit harder asking a fwb for something different as we usuallt set in stone that it is just about sex. That being said it can still be about the sex just a bit more consideration taken in to accout. I would set the mood before he gets there. Light some candles, leave out the nice massage oil. Wear some nice lingerie. Tell him what you want, you don’t need to explain why. If he cares about you enough he will not even ask you why. He would probably welcome a wee change up.
I’ve had the same fwb for about 16 years ( i am now 46). Although I’m not shy in telling him what i want.
Give yourself the time to heal, be kinder to yourself. Know that you deserve the very best
@Happylife_46 yea, it only just occurred to me that I could set the vibe and I know that it’s not like he’ll be annoyed at me or anything
Men are very simple creature’s. Im sure he is just happy to be in the same room as you.
I doubt I have that effect on anyone
Be kinder to yourself . None of us are perfect. We all have flaws.
At the age of 46 and for many years before that, i have stopped being so hard on myself.
I leave that for others to judge, and hand on heart not one flying fuck is given to the people who judge me. They arent my people if they do.
Look at your positives, even if you think its only one good thing. Focus on that, build your own confidence and don’t let anyone tell you any different
I would just go with “I’m feeling fragile, so something more gentle this time please” as the strategy.
I’d echo KinkyMira’s suggestion. Also sending you gentle hugs, be kind to yourself xx
I agree with previous answers, just explain your feeling a little fragile and i’m sure he will respect that and offer you a little more. @Cali_Nyx
If there’s a mutual understanding then I can’t see there’d be any issues with asking him to go slower on you with how your feel at the moment as is totally understandable
spoke to him and he was absolutely fine - as i knew he would be - seeing him later on in the week
Excellent, he sounds like a good guy.
Some great responses and support from the peeps on here as always
Good to hear FWB has been cool about it, Hope it all goes well later in week for you @Cali_Nyx