SR36 wrote:
I agree not to just take this at face value. Some guys really do find it hard to express themselves. Sure, if you really can't get the support you need from him, you need to move on. Just be careful- maybe he thinks he's already giving it to you, but in a way that isn't so obvious. I'd say talk before you walk...
Have to say I completely agree with the above poster. You were not very specific in the type of attention you felt was lacking, is it intimacy, compliments declarations of love, or all of these and more.
I have mentioned elsewhere that my wife refers to me as an "emotional retard" a character flaw that does infuriate her, but one that she also understands. I had a very unconventional childhood having been mainly raised by my father who although a great man in many respects, was an alcoholic and heroin addict. He taught me a lot about music, art , literature and how to distill over the counter pharmacuticals into potent highs. Having said that the nurturing and caring side.... not really his strong point. I lived with my Mum from the ages of 14-18, but having never had the opportunity to raise me from a young age she struggled with showing a maternal nature.
Its obviously easy for me to blame the difficulty with expressing emotion at my childhood, it might be true or it might be just the way I am. A lot of social behaviour that other people take for granted e.g hugging people when they meet, being effusive with relatives does not come naturally to me. I am in no way autistic and now that I have my own family I am getting better, but I still struggle with many aspects of relationships that come naturally to others.
I have a very logical approach to happiness, on my day off I will clean, cook and do odd jobs around the house. My wife will come in and within 10 minutes be annoyed. Why? Because I didn't ask how her day was - and the fact is she is right..... but asking just doesn't ocur to me.
She may pull me up on never mentioning that she looks pretty, I'm puzzled, has she looked in a mirror? She clearly looks better than any woman we know.
I don't tell her i love her enough times, I'm puzzled, I told her a few weeks ago surely nothings changed?
There's more little things that I should do and say that I don't , simply because they don't occur to me. I'm not being wilfully negligent, but if these responses aren't my nature? I always need to think to be spontaneous.... which is a contradiction in itself.
If any of the things I've said seem to ring true about your partner give him a little more time, for some declarations of love and affection are as natural as breathing. For people like me when I say I love my wife its not because I think I should, or its just part of my natural speech, its because at that exact moment, at that exact time I'm expressing my pure feelings and not a valentines day card message.
When I say she's beautiful ? At that moment it will be because for me at least, she will be the most perfect woman in the world.
It will never be often , but it will always be with true feeling, and that at least for us works most of the time.
As to whether people can change? My Mum who I can only remember hugging me once in my life (her 60th drunk on ouzo- ended badly when with genuine surprise I asked "what the fuck are you doing") has become a Grandmother for the fourth time with my half-sisters son. Whereas before she struggled with my kids in developing a natural relationship she has managed to finally become the perfect maternal Grandmother. I'm not jealous , far from it, after 3 score years and ten she can finally be free with her feelings.
I've rambled far too much, its been two months! You've barely scratched the surface! Yeah he might not be right fir you but maybe dont dismiss him yet. You might not get huge amounts of attention but maybe the quality will suffice.