So me and my partner had a bit of a whirlwind and decided to move in together really quite quickly as we lived so far away and was commuting 200 miles every other weekend so maybe little things have never been ironed out.
I really struggle when I know he’s had a bit of self love.
Our sex life isn’t what I want it to be and when I know he’s ‘sorted himself out’ rather than have sex with me I fucking hate it.
He’s grieving at the moment and he’s still banging them out.
It makes me feel very unsexy, unattractive and unwanted.
I have rather high sex drive but this has knocked my confidence completely and I feel not good enough and can’t even instigate sex anymore because I know he can’t if he’s had a hand shandy so I don’t even bother incase he knocks me back.
It makes me so fucking angry that I just get drunk most nights and be angry internally
@redrose135 I am not sure what advice to give, you clearly are not happy with the current situation, is it just the sex or the relationship in general which is not where you want it to be?
I love the bones of this man.
The relationship is fine it’s the mastubation and the sex I’m not happy with.
I guess what I want to know is if this is a normal way to feel?
Should I be bothered he wanks so much and we don’t shag as much as I want to?
Is this a me problem?
Sounds like you are resentful of his masturbation and that it somehow devalues you.
You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel.
Tell him if he wants a quick wank then offer to do it for him - then ask him to play with you
I feel you need to speak to him and express your concerns and state you are frustrated over lack of understanding of your needs
If he does not change then it’s time to get rid
Good luck
I’m not sure how this would solve my issue though.
I told him I didn’t like it when he said my friends on Facebook had curlier hair than me or nice tits and he just went and deleted everyone from Facebook without discussing it so I’m not sure telling him solves anything.
I sort of think it’s something I need to get over but I’ve been trying for 5 months now and I don’t seem to have made any progress with it.
I don’t think he’d want to.
I do t want to get rid of him though, I really do love him but I’m so insecure and damaged that it feels like it’s an issue with me.
@redrose135 from what you are saying I am not sure that it is a healthy relationship for you. You appear dependant on him, with him showing very little concern for what you want.
I am sure that others will comment.
Well if he will not talk about it then you are in a hard place. Maybe try putting the boot on the other foot and openly masturbate when he is around and when he wants to join in just say you are too tired after a good self love session yourself. I am sure he would start talking after a few times like that or at least I know I would!
As a bloke, I’d just advise there are two types of men…
… those who wank
… and those who lie and say they don’t.
At the start of your relationship, did you discuss how much sex you both wanted/needed/thought was normal? If you were long distance for a while, the sex was likely to be pretty frequent when you saw each other as you would have to wait a while to see each other again so this could have skewed expectations.
Not everyone sees sex and masturbation as connected. It could be that he needs the physical release of ejaculation but doesn’t need the act of sex (particularly partnered sex) quite as much. This could be a temporary thing or could just be how he is.
Based on what you have said about a previous issue and your reaction to this, I think couple’s therapy might be the best option for you both.
I think you are right.
I do feel devalued and kind of not good enough.
I guess he doesn’t know what I want because I haven’t told him but then if I do tell him I feel he will just hide it.
I like this idea but I don’t want to play games really
So it is a me problem then?
So my wife has a much lower drive than I do and it used to bother me a lot like you are describing.
What’s helped me is to understand the narrative I have of it and redirect that energy.
She doesn’t initiate sex or anything like that and it bothered me all the time and made me feel unattractive. We spoke and while the issue hasn’t got much better yet, I learned that the lack of action was from their side rather than me not being appealing enough.
I’m a fine one to talk, as I cannot communicate with my husband at all. I am a selective mute, so that is part my issue.
Please sit and talk about how you are feeling, masturbating is perfectly normal and healthy, I have an enormous sex drive, and I get really emotional when I don’t, so hubby isn’t a fan and I respect that, but he also knows, my mood is better if I’m doing it.
Men masturbate more for a quick release, as where most woman, enjoy the build up and the time getting in the mood, we do it for different reasons.
Discuss how you’re feeling, and that you’d like maybe to help him out? Please don’t shame him or give him ultimatums, as honestly that causes deeper issues.
If talking feels like to much, write it down, as I’m mute at times thro anxiety, I physically can’t get the words out at times, so I text him.
Remember it isn’t a blame game, no one is in the wrong, you both need to discuss it and come to a happy medium x
Much love 
L xx
I think you need to have a conversation with him. Not accusatory but just explaining how you feel.
If he can’t or won’t contribute to the discussion then you need to have a serious think about whether your relationship is tenable. Being in a relationship where you’re not happy or satisfied can affect your mental and physical health.
Is this thread for real?
Nooooooooo… far from it.
It’s a ‘most blokes deny they do it and therefore they’re saints’ problem.