I have spoken to a guy or two at the gym but it's different because it's when I like them that I can't talk to them.
I've always got dead broody just looking at baby stuff let alone when seeing a baby.
I feel so.. Pathetic like I can't be loved which just seems to be more and more true as times goes on.
Yeah im having a good day thanks x
I'm not really qualified to comment on your emotional state regarding depression, as its so far out of my experience that any advice I could give in that regard would probably be worthless at best, but for whats its worth his my opinion anyway.
I'm a practical guy, if have an end goal I would always break it down into steps, each step along the way would lead to the result required.
It seems to me you are ready and wanting to commit to a relationship. Your virginity is not an issue, if you no longer cherish it and wish to have sexual relationships, thats not really going to be difficult., you could go to a pub tonight and be bonking away an hour later. Would I recommend it? To be honest, no.
Join a dating site and go on some dates. The frst guy you meet/ sleep with/ have a relationship is very unlikely to be your true love. The fact is you wont know who your true love is until you have had experience of twats, arseholes and blokes who just dont float your boat. The important thing is dont obsess over it. Relax and have a more cavalier attitude to dating and your love life. Stop over complicating things by involving relatives and friends opinions, its about you and what you want and no one else.
Cam guy.... knock it on the head. Its a road to nowhere and your thoughty and energy would be far better directed pursuing the above. Its a fantasy not a reality, take your head from the clouds and focus on realistic possibilities.
Baby..... I am sure you would make a great Mum, at a later time. Why do you want to rush away your youth? I can see your point that having a baby will "take the pain away". But I'm a realist, I can easily make decisions not based on emotion, and it this case your reasoning is fundamentlally wrong and selfish. I would question the validity of you buying a pet for this reason let alone harboring thoughts of having a child.
The fact is you want change in your life. The only person who can make that change is you, no one else. Take steps towards what you want, its a cliche but you will fall along the way, you will also hopefully have some great times. The way you are going to deal with rejection and hurt is to experience it, and lets be honest thats the only way you have a chance to get towards what you want.
At all times be a little removed from becoming too commited. Don't obssess over everything. If things dont work out the first few times (and they are unlikely to) its all good experience.
macspants wrote:
I'm not really qualified to comment on your emotional state regarding depression, as its so far out of my experience that any advice I could give in that regard would probably be worthless at best, but for whats its worth his my opinion anyway.
I'm a practical guy, if have an end goal I would always break it down into steps, each step along the way would lead to the result required.
It seems to me you are ready and wanting to commit to a relationship. Your virginity is not an issue, if you no longer cherish it and wish to have sexual relationships, thats not really going to be difficult., you could go to a pub tonight and be bonking away an hour later. Would I recommend it? To be honest, no.
Join a dating site and go on some dates. The frst guy you meet/ sleep with/ have a relationship is very unlikely to be your true love. The fact is you wont know who your true love is until you have had experience of twats, arseholes and blokes who just dont float your boat. The important thing is dont obsess over it. Relax and have a more cavalier attitude to dating and your love life. Stop over complicating things by involving relatives and friends opinions, its about you and what you want and no one else.
Cam guy.... knock it on the head. Its a road to nowhere and your thoughty and energy would be far better directed pursuing the above. Its a fantasy not a reality, take your head from the clouds and focus on realistic possibilities.
Baby..... I am sure you would make a great Mum, at a later time. Why do you want to rush away your youth? I can see your point that having a baby will "take the pain away". But I'm a realist, I can easily make decisions not based on emotion, and it this case your reasoning is fundamentlally wrong and selfish. I would question the validity of you buying a pet for this reason let alone harboring thoughts of having a child.
The fact is you want change in your life. The only person who can make that change is you, no one else. Take steps towards what you want, its a cliche but you will fall along the way, you will also hopefully have some great times. The way you are going to deal with rejection and hurt is to experience it, and lets be honest thats the only way you have a chance to get towards what you want.
At all times be a little removed from becoming too commited. Don't obssess over everything. If things dont work out the first few times (and they are unlikely to) its all good experience.
For someone who said he could'nt offer much, I think you've nailed it here! I think the key word is "obsess" and I think you tend to Kirsty do this a lot! All good things will come, so don't rush your life away please. Yes!!! lose cam guy, you're worth more than that!
macspants wrote:
I'm not really qualified to comment on your emotional state regarding depression, as its so far out of my experience that any advice I could give in that regard would probably be worthless at best, but for whats its worth his my opinion anyway.
I'm a practical guy, if have an end goal I would always break it down into steps, each step along the way would lead to the result required.
It seems to me you are ready and wanting to commit to a relationship. Your virginity is not an issue, if you no longer cherish it and wish to have sexual relationships, thats not really going to be difficult., you could go to a pub tonight and be bonking away an hour later. Would I recommend it? To be honest, no.
Join a dating site and go on some dates. The frst guy you meet/ sleep with/ have a relationship is very unlikely to be your true love. The fact is you wont know who your true love is until you have had experience of twats, arseholes and blokes who just dont float your boat. The important thing is dont obsess over it. Relax and have a more cavalier attitude to dating and your love life. Stop over complicating things by involving relatives and friends opinions, its about you and what you want and no one else.
Cam guy.... knock it on the head. Its a road to nowhere and your thoughty and energy would be far better directed pursuing the above. Its a fantasy not a reality, take your head from the clouds and focus on realistic possibilities.
Baby..... I am sure you would make a great Mum, at a later time. Why do you want to rush away your youth? I can see your point that having a baby will "take the pain away". But I'm a realist, I can easily make decisions not based on emotion, and it this case your reasoning is fundamentlally wrong and selfish. I would question the validity of you buying a pet for this reason let alone harboring thoughts of having a child.
The fact is you want change in your life. The only person who can make that change is you, no one else. Take steps towards what you want, its a cliche but you will fall along the way, you will also hopefully have some great times. The way you are going to deal with rejection and hurt is to experience it, and lets be honest thats the only way you have a chance to get towards what you want.
At all times be a little removed from becoming too commited. Don't obssess over everything. If things dont work out the first few times (and they are unlikely to) its all good experience.
+1 👏👏
I've never had issues with depression but haver had a couple of years of nasty ass anxiety that I'm finally getting around to fixing! I find the most important thing is to take pleasure and enjoyment from whatever you can, whether that's from filling yourself with sex toys or playing video games.
If you're looking for some more active help the moodgym system was really helpful to me. It starts off pretty lame and slow but if you stick to it and put the effort in really helps highlight the thinking that can trigger the nasties off.
Babies do not take the pain away, you are trapped in the house with a being totally dependant on you and all it can do is cry to tell you what's wrong, even the strongest people and couples are pushed to breaking point, you're lonely, depressed, your body is weird, you need help to go to the toilet, everyone want to hold your child for the first two weeks then gets bored. How will you feel when you can't comfort your child when it's crying, or can't get it to latch on for a feed? My mum had depression raising us, she was a single parent, had no one to help, and we knew, she did her best, but growing up was hard, because she was so emotionally fragile. It's not fair on a child to choose to have them knowing you struggle already, never mind BECAUSE you have depression
you want a baby? Set it as a goal, to be emotionally stable enough to take everything a baby has to throw at you
I'm not saying that every depressed person is a bad parent, but it does affect a kids childhood, and it's not fair to do that on purpose
you think you can't get a boyfriend now? Ask any single parent, it's a lot harder.
You can't have all these things until you're ready for them, you can't have a baby with no means to provide for it, and already depressed. You can't have a relationship when you're incapable of loving yourself. You're trying to make other people make you better, and it's unfair on them, why should a child be born just to make you happy? Why should someone love you just for you?
You want all these things, and you can have them, but they don't just fall out the sky, you have to earn them
be someone you would like if you met you, someone you would be jealous of, there's nothing stopping you, just you. Don't use the "its just how it is" excuse, that's bull, you think all these people around you with a "perfect" life just fell into that? No. They work bloody hard everyday to not have a breakdown, everybody is fighting something trying to drag them down, you have to fight.
don't just accept depression, don't try and use others to fulfil you or make you happy, because you'll never be happy, you have to become that person BEFORE you include others, be someone you're happy to be and people will be happy to be with you. It is possible, you just have to try, and from what I'm seeing, you don't really want to, which is normal for depression, but you just have to, there's no other way.
Young and fun95 wrote:
Babies do not take the pain away, you are trapped in the house with a being totally dependant on you and all it can do is cry to tell you what's wrong, even the strongest people and couples are pushed to breaking point, you're lonely, depressed, your body is weird, you need help to go to the toilet, everyone want to hold your child for the first two weeks then gets bored. How will you feel when you can't comfort your child when it's crying, or can't get it to latch on for a feed? My mum had depression raising us, she was a single parent, had no one to help, and we knew, she did her best, but growing up was hard, because she was so emotionally fragile. It's not fair on a child to choose to have them knowing you struggle already, never mind BECAUSE you have depression
you want a baby? Set it as a goal, to be emotionally stable enough to take everything a baby has to throw at you
I'm not saying that every depressed person is a bad parent, but it does affect a kids childhood, and it's not fair to do that on purpose
you think you can't get a boyfriend now? Ask any single parent, it's a lot harder.
You can't have all these things until you're ready for them, you can't have a baby with no means to provide for it, and already depressed. You can't have a relationship when you're incapable of loving yourself. You're trying to make other people make you better, and it's unfair on them, why should a child be born just to make you happy? Why should someone love you just for you?
You want all these things, and you can have them, but they don't just fall out the sky, you have to earn them
be someone you would like if you met you, someone you would be jealous of, there's nothing stopping you, just you. Don't use the "its just how it is" excuse, that's bull, you think all these people around you with a "perfect" life just fell into that? No. They work bloody hard everyday to not have a breakdown, everybody is fighting something trying to drag them down, you have to fight.
don't just accept depression, don't try and use others to fulfil you or make you happy, because you'll never be happy, you have to become that person BEFORE you include others, be someone you're happy to be and people will be happy to be with you. It is possible, you just have to try, and from what I'm seeing, you don't really want to, which is normal for depression, but you just have to, there's no other way.
+1. Kirsty, I don't mean any offense, but you are not in the right place to have a baby right now. You may have felt 'capable' since you were 16, but trust me when I say that's just your broodiness talking.
To bring a child into the world right now just because you think it will solve your problems and make you happy or 'complete' you or stop you hurting is so, so selfish. A baby is never an answer to any problem. You have an extremely idealistic idea of motherhood and you don't seem to quite understand the implications of bringing another person into this world.
Ozz hit the nail on the head highlighting the word 'obsess'. We've watched you become obsessed over a guy you met online, a cam guy, and now motherhood. You keep putting other people up on a pedistal, you keep projecting your own emotional attachment on them and you keep obsessing over them while denying all of it. Now you appear to be doing the same thing with a baby. A baby is not going to help you, in fact no other person coming into your life is going to help you; you need to help you. You won't get unconditional love from a baby and you won't suddenly have an all consuming purpose in life that brings you all the joy you are missing, you'll have another person to deal with when you can't even deal with yourself who will grow up and likely be messed up as soon as they find out mummy only had them to take away her own hurt. They'll be hurt that you couldn't have waited to find them a secure and loving family unit, that they've had to grow up in a less than ideal world because you deliberately brought them into the world in bad circumstances because you felt like it was the solution to your own problems. You can't use another human being like that.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's a hell of a lot more harsh to bring another person into the world for such a self serving reason.
I think you need to realise you are far from capable of making a rational decision right now and get help before you mess up an innocent child.
I have to agree with what others are saying Kirsty, having a baby to take away your pain is a very selfish idea, and probably wouldn't give you the emotional satisfaction you're looking for. I don't believe that people with mental illness shouldn't have kids or can't be good mums, but I do think that you need to consider the life of your child more carefully, as right now you're saying you want to have a baby to help YOU, but it's not right to use another human being like that, especially one who has no choice in the matter.
I do sympathise with you, as I've also felt incredibly broody since the age of 15/16. It's difficult to want something so badly for so long, but I think part of being a good parent is considering what kind of life you can provide for your child before you even have them. I'm turning 22 this week and we're now expecting our first child, it's been a long and painful wait to get here, but I wouldn't have it any other way as now we're financially and emotionally stable enough to handle it.
I should also say that my baby isn't even here yet, and it's already so difficult. Pregnancy itself takes its toll physically and emotionally, and all of those hormones raging through your body can really exacerbate existing mental health problems. I've had anxiety and depression since I was 10 years old, I've learned to handle it over the last 5 years or so, but now that I'm pregnant I really feel like my anxiety is heightened to an almost unbearable level, even though I'm happy all at the same time. I'm lucky that I have such a supportive partner to help me through, but if you're planning on being a single parent you wouldn't have that. Would your family offer much support? Can you imagine feeling even worse than you do now, for 40 weeks (and possibly longer if you suffer with PND)? Not everybody feels this way during pregnancy, but it's worth considering if you're already suffering from mental health issues. My midwife did warn me right at the beginning that this is a very common problem for women who have already had depression/anxiety.
I don't mean to sound harsh, I'm just trying to offer some perspective as somebody who also has also had depression, and craved having children. Right now you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, and that will be impossible if you bring another person into the world who depends entirely on you. I'm not saying you should never have children, of course you should, but not whilst you're just trying to fulfill a need for yourself.
Xxx
Lovebirds_x wrote:
Young and fun95 wrote:
Babies do not take the pain away, you are trapped in the house with a being totally dependant on you and all it can do is cry to tell you what's wrong, even the strongest people and couples are pushed to breaking point, you're lonely, depressed, your body is weird, you need help to go to the toilet, everyone want to hold your child for the first two weeks then gets bored. How will you feel when you can't comfort your child when it's crying, or can't get it to latch on for a feed? My mum had depression raising us, she was a single parent, had no one to help, and we knew, she did her best, but growing up was hard, because she was so emotionally fragile. It's not fair on a child to choose to have them knowing you struggle already, never mind BECAUSE you have depression
you want a baby? Set it as a goal, to be emotionally stable enough to take everything a baby has to throw at you
I'm not saying that every depressed person is a bad parent, but it does affect a kids childhood, and it's not fair to do that on purpose
you think you can't get a boyfriend now? Ask any single parent, it's a lot harder.
You can't have all these things until you're ready for them, you can't have a baby with no means to provide for it, and already depressed. You can't have a relationship when you're incapable of loving yourself. You're trying to make other people make you better, and it's unfair on them, why should a child be born just to make you happy? Why should someone love you just for you?
You want all these things, and you can have them, but they don't just fall out the sky, you have to earn them
be someone you would like if you met you, someone you would be jealous of, there's nothing stopping you, just you. Don't use the "its just how it is" excuse, that's bull, you think all these people around you with a "perfect" life just fell into that? No. They work bloody hard everyday to not have a breakdown, everybody is fighting something trying to drag them down, you have to fight.
don't just accept depression, don't try and use others to fulfil you or make you happy, because you'll never be happy, you have to become that person BEFORE you include others, be someone you're happy to be and people will be happy to be with you. It is possible, you just have to try, and from what I'm seeing, you don't really want to, which is normal for depression, but you just have to, there's no other way.+1. Kirsty, I don't mean any offense, but you are not in the right place to have a baby right now. You may have felt 'capable' since you were 16, but trust me when I say that's just your broodiness talking.
To bring a child into the world right now just because you think it will solve your problems and make you happy or 'complete' you or stop you hurting is so, so selfish. A baby is never an answer to any problem. You have an extremely idealistic idea of motherhood and you don't seem to quite understand the implications of bringing another person into this world.
Ozz hit the nail on the head highlighting the word 'obsess'. We've watched you become obsessed over a guy you met online, a cam guy, and now motherhood. You keep putting other people up on a pedistal, you keep projecting your own emotional attachment on them and you keep obsessing over them while denying all of it. Now you appear to be doing the same thing with a baby. A baby is not going to help you, in fact no other person coming into your life is going to help you; you need to help you. You won't get unconditional love from a baby and you won't suddenly have an all consuming purpose in life that brings you all the joy you are missing, you'll have another person to deal with when you can't even deal with yourself who will grow up and likely be messed up as soon as they find out mummy only had them to take away her own hurt. They'll be hurt that you couldn't have waited to find them a secure and loving family unit, that they've had to grow up in a less than ideal world because you deliberately brought them into the world in bad circumstances because you felt like it was the solution to your own problems. You can't use another human being like that.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's a hell of a lot more harsh to bring another person into the world for such a self serving reason.
I think you need to realise you are far from capable of making a rational decision right now and get help before you mess up an innocent child.
Firm and strong but to the point .
My Mrs developed post natal depression after giving birth to our son. Believe me these were testing times and we needed help from the mobile midwife,social worker and the 2 Grandmas . And I believe we had a very good sound relationship at the time and wanted our son for all the right reasons. It was very tough but we got through it just about I think .
I shudder to think of the consequencies of getting post natal depression on top of an existing depression problem and the possability of a single parent as well.
Kirsty just think long and hard before you get obbsessed with the baby idea .
With all the love in my heart here... please seek counseling and discuss what is going on with you. You need to work on loving yourself more in order to be in a place to start a positive releationship. DO NOT rush into motherhood, it is not a FIX for lonliness, if anything you will feel even more isolated as a young single mum. I am sersiouly worried about you and although there are many lovely people on here trying to help you, we are not professional counselor and it seems to me you are not really "listening" to us. Please, I beg of you schedule that counseling session.
Lovebirds_x wrote:
Young and fun95 wrote:
Babies do not take the pain away, you are trapped in the house with a being totally dependant on you and all it can do is cry to tell you what's wrong, even the strongest people and couples are pushed to breaking point, you're lonely, depressed, your body is weird, you need help to go to the toilet, everyone want to hold your child for the first two weeks then gets bored. How will you feel when you can't comfort your child when it's crying, or can't get it to latch on for a feed? My mum had depression raising us, she was a single parent, had no one to help, and we knew, she did her best, but growing up was hard, because she was so emotionally fragile. It's not fair on a child to choose to have them knowing you struggle already, never mind BECAUSE you have depression
you want a baby? Set it as a goal, to be emotionally stable enough to take everything a baby has to throw at you
I'm not saying that every depressed person is a bad parent, but it does affect a kids childhood, and it's not fair to do that on purpose
you think you can't get a boyfriend now? Ask any single parent, it's a lot harder.
You can't have all these things until you're ready for them, you can't have a baby with no means to provide for it, and already depressed. You can't have a relationship when you're incapable of loving yourself. You're trying to make other people make you better, and it's unfair on them, why should a child be born just to make you happy? Why should someone love you just for you?
You want all these things, and you can have them, but they don't just fall out the sky, you have to earn them
be someone you would like if you met you, someone you would be jealous of, there's nothing stopping you, just you. Don't use the "its just how it is" excuse, that's bull, you think all these people around you with a "perfect" life just fell into that? No. They work bloody hard everyday to not have a breakdown, everybody is fighting something trying to drag them down, you have to fight.
don't just accept depression, don't try and use others to fulfil you or make you happy, because you'll never be happy, you have to become that person BEFORE you include others, be someone you're happy to be and people will be happy to be with you. It is possible, you just have to try, and from what I'm seeing, you don't really want to, which is normal for depression, but you just have to, there's no other way.+1. Kirsty, I don't mean any offense, but you are not in the right place to have a baby right now. You may have felt 'capable' since you were 16, but trust me when I say that's just your broodiness talking.
To bring a child into the world right now just because you think it will solve your problems and make you happy or 'complete' you or stop you hurting is so, so selfish. A baby is never an answer to any problem. You have an extremely idealistic idea of motherhood and you don't seem to quite understand the implications of bringing another person into this world.
Ozz hit the nail on the head highlighting the word 'obsess'. We've watched you become obsessed over a guy you met online, a cam guy, and now motherhood. You keep putting other people up on a pedistal, you keep projecting your own emotional attachment on them and you keep obsessing over them while denying all of it. Now you appear to be doing the same thing with a baby. A baby is not going to help you, in fact no other person coming into your life is going to help you; you need to help you. You won't get unconditional love from a baby and you won't suddenly have an all consuming purpose in life that brings you all the joy you are missing, you'll have another person to deal with when you can't even deal with yourself who will grow up and likely be messed up as soon as they find out mummy only had them to take away her own hurt. They'll be hurt that you couldn't have waited to find them a secure and loving family unit, that they've had to grow up in a less than ideal world because you deliberately brought them into the world in bad circumstances because you felt like it was the solution to your own problems. You can't use another human being like that.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's a hell of a lot more harsh to bring another person into the world for such a self serving reason.
I think you need to realise you are far from capable of making a rational decision right now and get help before you mess up an innocent child.
+1 absolutely darling!
I think my post has been taken the wrong way. I have ALWAYS wanted kids but the reason I want to push it forwards is because I'm going to lose my grandparents (they're both constantly ill and in hospital and there's every chance I could lose my grandad soon and I nearly lost my nan earlier this year) I want a baby sooner because they won't be around forever and neither will my parents. I want my baby knowing my family.
I DO NOT want a baby because I'm "lonely" I want a baby sooner rather than later so my family can get to know my kids.
I'm waiting for counselling there's nothing I can do on the meantime. I have NEVER loved myself and I don't see how I'll start now. I've been on dating sites, I've had arseholes and all sorts then I fell in love and sadly that didn't work but I'm not letting it hold me back and I'm trying all sorts to find someone else.
Thanks for all the concern. X
Kristy92, you seem like an incredibly caring person... so I apologize if you felt attacked here. That was not the way I intended the post. arg...
The motivation to have a baby may be what you need to focus on yourself here. if you can tackle loving yourself you are going to be that much better of a mom whenever that happens.
I did not become a mom until later in life and I am not saying my path is the better way because all of us have our good, bad and ugly in life... just know that raising a child is HARD! Don't get me wrong I love my kids with all of my being but there are days I think I am going to go mad with stuff.
If you can have a child in a loving home with the father it can bring balance and stability both physically, emotionally and financially that will be better in the long haul. I have a child with a disability and I try to imagine what I would do without the financial resources to help. Money is not everything, but stability is important.
If you rush to have a child with the wrong partner who is not respectful of you I would hate to see you "stuck" with someone who is a negative partner and potentially abusive emotionally or worse.
I want you to feel safe here thta you can share, just know my "mother" instinct here is hard. If I could reach and and hug you I would right now and look you in the eyes and tell you that you are loved, you are loveable and focus on YOU. In the end the goal of motherhood may be the motivation you need to focus on this right now my dear.
Please order the book Loveability off Amazon, if Lovehoney sold I would gift it to you!
Kirsty92 wrote:
I think my post has been taken the wrong way. I have ALWAYS wanted kids but the reason I want to push it forwards is because I'm going to lose my grandparents (they're both constantly ill and in hospital and there's every chance I could lose my grandad soon and I nearly lost my nan earlier this year) I want a baby sooner because they won't be around forever and neither will my parents. I want my baby knowing my family.
I DO NOT want a baby because I'm "lonely" I want a baby sooner rather than later so my family can get to know my kids.
I'm waiting for counselling there's nothing I can do on the meantime. I have NEVER loved myself and I don't see how I'll start now. I've been on dating sites, I've had arseholes and all sorts then I fell in love and sadly that didn't work but I'm not letting it hold me back and I'm trying all sorts to find someone else.
Thanks for all the concern. X
Kirsty we're not attacking you and we'd like to protect you some I think. The cam guy is my hang up with you! You're a beautiful girl with so much to off, yet the way you come across is that this guy is your all! It''s not a person to person contact, it's not real and that's what you need. Bin him, he's not healthy for you. That sort of thing is great for a few times to spice thigs up but not to be relied upon for your sexual kicks.
I don't love myself, but I go out of my way to be nice and care about others. I had a fucking shit upbringing if you can call it that. Let's just say, the things the guys and girls say about the way I am with others and the way I look are hard to take, because I had the exact opposite my first 16 yrs of life. Rage "my father" made my life a living hell, so I do know what it's like to not like yourself! But you can't let those feelings about yourself define you, you have to rise up.
A big leap for me is that I don't hate myself anymore "positivity" my winning word. I see where you're coming from with the baby, but shit huni that's not the best reason in the world is it? More stress for you and frankly from where I'm sitting, stress of having a child right now would be your undoing! We love you, but you need to start thinking about the bigger picture. x
I really can't say any more, other than to say I agree with Macspants, Lovebirds_x, Young&Fun and others who have said a baby will not fix anything...it's down to you!
I can understand you'd like to have a child while your family members are still around/well enough to be able to be part of the child's life, but sincerely, even with all the support in the world, if you are not in a good place emotionally, mentally and all the rest of it, how do you expect to raise a child on your own?
Please view this logically not through rose-tinted glasses. It's all well and good wanting something, but you need to think about what will happen when you have achieved the goal your striving towards...
Thanks guys. I didn't feel attacked as such I just felt that the previous post came across wrong because I was being basically the most selfish person possible.
I wouldn't be doing it alone and I've looked after kids my whole life (practically) I've got two brothers with special needs and I have said for years "I will probably have a child with special needs I accept that" and "I accept I'm probably going to get PND" I know how difficult it can be I'm not saying I'm going to shag the first guy I can find to get myself pregnant I'm just saying I really want a baby and preferably soon. If I hang around waiting for "the right guy" I'll be here forever and die a lonely old virgin.
I will see about getting this book got money of work earlier for my birthday night treat myself to it and other stuff.
If I didn't feel like I was safe on here and if I felt I was being attacked I just wouldn't post anymore but I do keep posting because I know I'll get unbiased help.
And when it comes to cam guy I don't care I have literally seen him on cam 3 times now I deleted every guy off everything but I forgot I had him on Skype so when feeling ridiculously horny it's nice to have a go to man lol
There's a difference between saying "I understand I'll probably get postnatal depression" and actually understanding the cosequences, for you and your child. Having a baby because your grandparents are dying is also not ok. I had one very elderly nana with Alzheimer's on my mums side, and a healthy grandma and grandad on my dads. I adore my nana, despite her dying when I was six and her being very unhealthy mentally and physically, I also adore the grandad I never met, I believe I did meet him before I was born, I feel very connected to them, because my family have never stopped talking about them, they will always be a massive part of my life. My grandparents on my dads side not so much, my grandma recently passed, I was devastated, but because I barely knew her, I didn't feel all that close to her, nor to my grandad.
When you have a baby, whether your grandparents and parents are around, your kid will know and love them, if you tell them.
As boo said, someone with depression doesn't have to never have children. But there are stages of depression, you're in a stage that has just accepted you will always hate yourself and need others to love you to make you feel better but you can't accept that they love you because you think you're crap so they should too. I've been there it sucks, because you have to muster up everything you've got and jump out, no one can help you do this. I'm in a stage where I'm trying to climb out but the bastard is holding onto my leg and keeps pulling me back, my OH is holding onto my hand pulling me out, it's bloody hard but I'm proud of how hard I'm fighting and I know I'll win. I wouldn't have a child in my state, because I know I'll get post natal depression, and I'll hate myself for it and I'm scared that it'll pull me back, but in a year or two or five, I'll be strong enough to have a child and know that I might get depression but I can fight it, because I've won before.
like I said, my mum had depression when I was a kid, still does, I think she always will, she did before she had us, she was always so lonely, because all she had was us kids and an adult needs adult conversation. It was hard, because we felt like we had to look after her in a way, it made us grow up quickly, it made us hide school trip letters because we didn't have the money and it'd only upset her that she couldn't give us those things. I love my mum, I just she could be happy, I don't want my kid to feel the way I felt.
stop trying to push life on, life is now, it won't be better in a year or five or ten, not unless you make it better, start challenging yourself, it's hard at first, but you seem like you like to think logically, so be logical, if you hate yourself, be someone you won't hate, THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING YOU, ONLY YOU.
Kirsty what can you offer a child now that you wont be able to in 5 years? Growing up without great grandparents isnt a hardship. Mine all died years before my parents even ever met and I have never felt angry at my parents for not having me earlier.
You really need help asap. I have a feeling that although you are reading these replies, you arent listening at all.
For what its worth i think it will pass. You were obsessed with the ex bloke, then the cam bloke, and now babies. I think you are just overthinking things and trying to convince yourself that these things would make you happier when theres no proof of that at all.