@Rhilee @wildflower I agree if you feel like an outsider and your privacy violated then maybe stuck in traffic then down and tell them that’s what you intend to do you can live your live like that it’s not on ! Sorry again hun stay strong and hope you can get it resolved 
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@Rhilee their behaviour is absolutely disgusting.
You have to put your foot down. I’m angry for you!
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I totally agree with @wildflower and couldn’t have said it better.
@Rhilee you deserve happiness and kindness. You only have this life. Remind the kids you love them unconditionally ( even though they are making conditions on you!) . This man is part of your life regardless and that is the new reality. Kids can be very selfish in their wants and I am sure many others have been in your situation, so I hope you find lots of support. Remember you already gave your children the gift of life, and also the nurturing in their childhood and the associated sacrifices. You do not owe them your happiness.
I hope your issues get resolved with a good outcome for all.
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Thank you for your kind words, got tears again now, but thank you xxx
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They really need to grow up. There’s no excuse for their disrespectful behaviour, like what’s already been suggested i say tell them to live full time with their father.
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Totally agree with @wildflower & @WillC Tell them you are not prepared to put up with their behaviour anymore and that it would be best for everyone that they go and live with their father permanently .This in no way makes you a bad mother.
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I think @wildflower has given you good advice, they cannot try to control you the way they want to. I don’t really understand the condom as you say you don’t use them so why put one in the room? May be you should thank them for that tlling them they are always useful (lol). I also wonder if the shock tactic of saying go and live with dad would do something. At best you would have a happier life. I wish you all the best, they need to grow up and give you the privacy you deserve @Rhilee
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@steve19 I don’t either, only thing I can think of is that, they’d hope my partner would see it and question me
May be wait for their friends to come round and then say you left this condom upstairs to embarrass them (lol) sorry me just be angree.
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Hi everyone, I felt I should update you as the support and advice I’ve received has been fantastic and felt that I should let you know how things are.
The children (although some are adults!) are still at their dad’s. I’ve seen them briefly, at separate times, just the way it happened, not planned that way. The 14 year old was extremely defensive and trying to create an argument which I refused to give and told her so. I’ve spoken to their dad at length today and said that whilst I obviously do not want to be estranged from them, this situation has to be a catalyst for change as the situation could not go on. For the first time in 2 years, I feel relaxed in my home, the constant anxiety that I’ve lived with for the past 2 years has been unbelievable and I can now see how bad that had become. I said to him that we need a sit down chat but I will not put up with a character assassination and having to sit and just listen to all the things I’ve done wrong in their eyes. That is how previous attempts at sorting issues have been. I said that I am not prepared for them to come back here if they are going to continue to treat me in the way they have for the past 2 years. He said he will chat to them tonight and will let me know the outcome. The situation is not going to change overnight, and to be honest, I need time to myself (and OH when he is here) to heal a little. Two years of this is going to take a while, and when the 14 year old started on Tuesday evening, I could feel that anxiety building up and my fight of flight response being triggered - I’ve always been a flight person, I stood my ground though but it was so hard.
Thank you for all your amazing support, you really are a special community xxx
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Good for you! The kids probably realise you will flight rather than fight and by standing your ground, you have taken away that weapon. Yes, it probably will take a while, but they need to realise you are the parent and they obey your house rules. It’s never easy when couples break up, but the kids need to realise that sabotaging your new relationship will not make you and your ex get back together.
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I am so pleased for you, let the children stay with hubby until they change their attitude and treat you with some respect. It may well take time but hopefully they will come to realise they do need you and for you to be happy. Good luck going forward.
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@Rhilee Well done firstly to tackle this difficult situation head on although it was not what you wanted to do, your hand was forced by the children’s behaviour and invasion of your privacy and private space hopefully they will see that their actions will have consequences and this May off been the best way to stand up for yourself. 
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Hey @Rhilee thanks for giving us an update, it’s always nice to know how a situation is progressing.
Well, done you! You’ve stood your ground, made your position clear… you are the parent here and you will not put up with this disrespectful behaviour any longer.
I really hope their dad’s chat has the desired effect. Surely the future can only look brighter for you now eh x
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Thank you, I’m not sure how I feel to be honest. I feel sad because I didn’t want it to be like this, but I had to make a stand and I’m hoping in the long term it’ll improve my relationship with my children, things certainly couldn’t carry on as they were. I think at the moment they are still angry with me, I’ve messaged frequently asking how they are etc and very rarely get a reply but hopefully time will help. Xx
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Glad to hear you’re doing OK. I can’t imagine how difficult it is. You’re entitled to happiness but they have to know that you don’t want to replace their dad and no matter how old they are, you’ll always love them
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@Rhilee
I applaud you for your courage in standing up to your children, and getting them to their father.
Don’t waste your energy worrying what they are saying about you - you know what that script is, and they have to decide to change their own behaviour.
Meantime, take time out for yourself and your new partner. Indulge in some decadence, and, as I always say, be kind to yourself ( it’s my mantra!)
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Thank you @tpatch i needed to read that tonight, as things are still difficult. They won’t acknowledge that they’ve done anything wrong. The 21 year old said in a message that she can’t believe I’m choosing someone I’ve known 18 months over my children. I don’t believe I have, or ever should have to make a choice. Xx
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They’re just being childish you don’t have to make a choice, you can have both if they would be mature enough to accept it.
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