Feeling rejected

Off-Topic Chat
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I don’t even know where to start. So much has happened between me and my now ex partner of 10 years.

We broke up last Oct. He developed an addiction and it completely changed him. Lost a load of weight ( that’s why he started taking them apparently because he struggled to lose weight any other way) talked to me like shit 24/7. Started completely avoiding each other. He became a total stranger physically and mentally and I got to the point that if I didn’t do something it would cost me my life because I just couldn’t do it anymore. FFS crying already n not even started.

Anyway I asked him to leave… I felt so guilty because he would have to go to his mum and dads. His mother has never had time for him. But I got comfort in the fact his dad was his best friend so if he needed to vent his dad would always listen.

I’ll get to the point in a min… So a lot has happened. He was arrested bailed for 3vmonth but couldn’t have contact with me unless it was to do with our LO. We had contact all the way through he would sneak up and stop over. Leave early. Etc

Feb - sadly his dad passed. The man who I described as more of a father than my own at times and couldn’t even go to the funeral. I’ll tell you why in a min.

March - got a random FB message. Hi I’m *** I’ve bin with ** 8 month and I don’t want to be a secret anymore. Wow wt actual f

Anyway. Met her. Told her we’d been trying sent her messages between us etc.

They apparently finished it but???

So we’ve been trying, arguing, falling out then the cycle starts again. Viscous arguments and we still can’t resolve any of the issues because as he says 95% of his problems are because of me and I disagree. I won’t bow down. He doesn’t like my friend’s because they are a bad influence… They gave me confidence.

THE POINT we are still sleeping together. He stops over maybe twice a week. I’m paranoid as f*** wondering where he is the rest of the time.
I’ve noticed he doesn’t ejaculate inside my vagina anymore?? He does everywhere else.

A few wk ago we had a CNC night. Great! cuddled. Just as we were falling asleep an argument came out of nowhere n he left. I can’t really explain. Yes it was consensual but I felt used and abused?

We made up. About a week later we went out for a drive. As he was going to get in the shower I said about putting something nice on so he said yes. (I’d bought a nice Lil number from LH) stocking suspenders the whole shabbang. Did a little dance for him then… Nothing. Not even a f patbon the head. I was humiliated … I still am. He’s apologised about it on several occasions but doesn’t mean shit to me.
Last night id had a new delivery. We had a bit of loving. Butt plug for me which he used. Anyway I had a facial n he said I couldn’t wipe it off. Brill… My turn… He got up and came downstairs for food?? I have no other words… Been up all night crying. He’s apologised and excuse is he thought I liked doing it on my own? Yeah when he’s not here!!

Points to consider

I love him
I melt when I see him
We were together a decade
We have a child together

Give it to me straight. What do you think? And I’m so sorry for the loooong post

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I’d say you deserve better, this isn’t healthy and it’s clearly not working, sounds like he’s using you for sex, he sounds selfish and you deserve better, mr right is out there but you won’t find him till you break this cycle with your ex, easier said than done I know but don’t waste your time and energy on him

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@D_and_E I don’t even want anyone else. It is on his terms and he will say you are too much for me. At one time he made out as though we hadn’t had it for months. It was never longer than 2 week.

Edit

I’m happy being in my own n the best mum I can be. He rang social services on me in January to see his son. Made up a load of bs about me put his son in the system but now he can’t see him because of mental health issues. THE SANE ONES HE HAD IN JANUARY
?

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You need to take control of the situation and tell him that your done with him, he’ll keep taking advantage and using you for as long as you let him, he has no respect for you and surely he can’t bring much happiness to your life so you’d be happier without him

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@Orgasm_Chaser

You love him hun…he is the father of your child… & you want it to work. You still get that feeling and ten years is a long time. You know he will always be in your life too because of your child…

That’s alot of positives on your side…

Sadly it sounds like it’s his way or no way.

Is he getting help for his addiction? Maybe if he changed when he went on them he could get treatment and things could go back? If you were willing to wait to see if that happened that is…

Emotions and common sense are poles apart and it’s really difficult too when you’re in it…

But it really sounds like you are being used and need to get shut and hopefully find someone that deserves you…

But with a child involved it’s easier said than done…I know that.

Hang on in there hun.
Virtual hugs
:heart::heart::heart::heart:

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@Orgasm_Chaser based on what you’ve told us over the last few weeks, he’s definitely using you, and needs to do a lot of growing up.
Having your lad definitely complicates things, and such a one sided relationship can’t be good for him either. Have you tried any form of advice/councelling together. How upset you are, is definitely no way to be living. It seems you are making all the effort and him none at all.

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@Orgasm_Chaser How horrible, I feel for you. Please try to take a step back and look at this from the outside. This man has eroded your self esteem to a point where you will except this disgusting behaviour.
You and your child deserve more.
You are raising a boy who is experiencing a man being utterly awful to a woman (you may think he hasn’t picked up on stuff but believe me kids see more than you know).
Please value yourself more and kick him to the kerb x

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@Mrs.John makes a good point, you get your self esteem boosted here, he knocks it back.

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@Orgasm_Chaser I want to give you a massive cuddle so badly. I’m so sorry you’re going through this honey.

I can’t speak from experience on this, but from what you’ve said, it sounds like he’s using you for what he wants and doesn’t care about what you want or need.

Like others have said, I feel that you’re worth more and deserve better than your ex but having a child and still loving him makes it harder.

When you said he left rubbish by the side of the bed the other day, to me that suggests a total lack of respect for you and your home.

My gut instinct is saying him not liking your friends because they’re there for you and give you confidence is a power play, they’re a barrier to him having total control over you because they will (I imagine) support you and be honest with you about what they think and see.

I’m definitely no expert on this, just calling it how it appears to me. Please just know you always have people here to listen :heart::heart: Whatever you decide, you’ll have support here xx

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Hi, @Orgasm_Chaser it is time for you to starting looking after you and your son, I am going to be blunt and tell you this guy is a waste of space and you both deserve better than this. You need to get him out of your life so that you can build yourself back up for yourself, never mind anybody else. You and your son need a strong person and you are that person, he has just made you forget that. Kick him into touch, I know it is hard as everybody had said, but until you can do that you can’t move in and make a better life for you and your son. Forget somebody else at the moment, concentrate on you and your boy. Once you have that sorted there is a better more respectful guy out there for you, but get your self respect and self esteem back first, get all your hugs from your son. Look after yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. Take care x

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@MsSubExperimenter is right, the bit about not liking your friends is a classic alienation tactic, he’s trying to remove your support network. The rubbish in the bedroom too. Why would a person with a shred of care or respect for you not bring it downstairs with them?

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Tysm guys. I’m gunna take time and reply to you all I’m so busy this morning. I’ll get bk to you in about an hour. Proper welling up. Gunna be one of them days so got to keep busy ATM. Xx

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@Orgasm_Chaser do what you need to do, you won’t get any pressure here xx

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Hey @Orgasm_Chaser :two_hearts:

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Hey @Orgasm_Chaser,

It sounds like really rough time for you. Sorry you are going through it. As others have said whilst you feel a strong emotional connection to him you must try and focus on you and your son. It can be easy to be blind to things when in a situation like yours and so perhaps some time away from him to take stock and get clarity of thought may be useful.

You shouldn’t be treated like this. It’s not clear if he is getting any help with his addiction problems. It also seems like he repeatedly apologies for his behaviour but without any long term change or remorse. Without help and behavioural change it’s difficult to see how things can improve.

Whilst it’s easy to say and hard to achieve you may wish to consider a medium to long term plan. Perhaps looking at time away to develop it, then reviewing whether any meaningful change has occurred before making some tough decisions. It may just be useful to put a timeline on all this though…

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Best wishes @Orgasm_Chaser, I hope everything works out for you.

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Hey guys.

I’ve sat down now. Thanks for your advice and your honest opinions. That post could be doubled in size if I was to put everything down. I’m sorry how long it is.

@D_and_E I seriously have never felt so out of control of my life. I hate drama and stress and that’s all I’m getting!

@CurvyJilly it’s so hard because he’s so secretive now. Obviously I appreciate we aren’t technically together but he still expects me to tell him everything. What I can gather… He’s been diagnosed with some sort of mental health issues. Depression/ psychisis I think other issues aswell. He was prescribed medication. He hasn’t told the Dr about his addiction but I think his mum has. So his mother as per questions him about taking the meds with said drug… Him being him said fair enough I’ll not take them… Everyone trying to control my life etc etc so no he’s not taking anything.
That’s what I wanted originally… Some time apart, for him to get clean and we would try again. It’s all I ever wanted. Still stood by him after him leading a double life for 8 month… Causing a mass brawl atvmy parents house n punching my dad. Calling social services and RSPCA on me he really layed it on thick but it’s still my fault.

@WillC he’s suggested councilling when we first parted ways. I could suggest it now but I think we are do far past it. So much has happened honestly. I mourn for what we had. Not what we have now. I had 8 fantastic years. The last 2 were horrendous. He makes out I woke up 1 day and kicked him out on a whim. 2 years I tried for…

@Mrs.John you are so right. Our boy is so protective of me. He’s 5 years old and he is so compassionate and loving. He’s a credit to both of us. He doesn’t need this

I’ll reply to the rest in a mo. Let me make a cuppa lol xx

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@Orgasm_Chaser you are the only one that will know what’s best
For sure the hardest decisions in life certainly aren’t the easiest to make
Stay strong and way up all the pros and cons and think with your head and not your heart.
Life is so shit sometimes and to paraphrase life is a rollercoaster full of ups and downs
Keep your chin up chick :wink:

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@MsSubExperimenter re rubbish at the side of the bed. The way he sees it… his name is still on the tenancy so even though he doesn’t feel like it’s his house anymore he can treat it like a doss house. He doesn’t respect many people and wonders why his life is hard… A big believer in karma.

He broke the door lock and the police came to take a statement (I had to call them for a crime ref number otherwise I’d have been charged for a new lock handle and emergency call out ) he asked me what he thought about my friend’s nbi told him. Apparently it flagged up domestic abuse markers Thankyou for your support XXX

@Buzboy thanks for your honesty x so he’s slept with who knows how many people in the 11 months. He won’t be honest. I kissed 1 guy who I knew from years bk. I told him straight I wasn’t sleeping with him… We had a cuddle that’s it. I was honest and told him. I was every SLA* slu* wh*** going. I said I don’t understand how he can compare what he did to what I did. Still justified it.

He’s never really been a father figure to our son (apparently I should have taught him how to be a dad like I’d read a book or something) never took him out on his own always wanted to go as a family. Then went mental because my mum n dad would have him 2 days to give me a break and rest (due to MS) Apparently this is my mum having him most of the time (2 F DAYS) he misses him. The boy is up my backside 24/7 while your out doing your thing. But he misses seeing him around the house ya see. Btw it’s been exactly amonth since his mum has seen him. She lives less than a mile away?? But because my parents show an interest it’s s big issue. We are his parents…

@broom you’re right. Love is blind! I have serious trust issues. I’m paranoid as F I know what I need to do for the best. I don’t know what hold he has over me.

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Thanks for letting me bore you @Knight1119 thx for your support

Ty @Chosen-one there’s a million cons to us being together just takes that 1 pro to outweigh all the cons