Talk about your clits.
I am amazed as to the differences in clits.
I’ve gone from a late wife who would get so wound up that her clitoris would get so big she would have me capture it between my thumb and forefinger and essentially jerk her off.
To my current long term partner who is so sensitive I’m still not doing well using my finger.
We’ve just agreed to talking more during sex so hopefully she can guide me verbally or perhaps put her finger over mine. I can treat her carefully with my tongue but she doesn’t want oral often but we’re working on that.
A number of women I’ve been with over the years got very excited when while playing with their clit, they, or me, would use a finger or thumb to push up at the top side of the clit towards their belly. This seems fairly common. I should mention that if I Just have my hand over her whole vulva without trying to get to her clit that sometimes she’ll rock back and forth actually quite vigorously which tells me may indirect contact works best.
So what is yours like and any tips on doing my job better.
Everyone is different. I’m similar to your wife in that my clitoris is very sensitive. I can’t touch it directly at all and even exposing it to air can feel a bit of a shock at first. However, I do enjoy clitoral stimulation, I just have to do it indirectly and carefully. I find pressing gently just above the clitoral hood and making circles with my fingers is the best method (i’m not rubbing the skin but moving the clitoral hood using my fingers which stimulates the clitoris underneath). I’m just linking this to your previous post about oral sex. You said that she isn’t keen on oral sex because she is embarrassed. I just wanted to check that she actually told you that? Only because I often say to my OH that I can’t relax during oral sex but it is only partly due to embarrassment, the other problem is that I’m so sensitive and if he touches me in slightly the wrong way I would feel very uncomfortable and it could be painful. I don’t trust him to touch me with his fingers or tongue even though we’ve been together 16 years. I’ll let him stroke or kiss around the vulva but if I want an orgasm then I’ll do it myself!
What she says regards oral is she thinks her pussy is not the same after gaining weight and getting older. She won’t let me see her yet but between what she feels like with my infrequent occasions giving her oral she seems nice although I can tell their are some extra folds such that it would help if she helps me by spreading herself with her hand.
Sounds like she is not as sensitive as you but still such that using my finger takes extreme care.
Strange thing though is when i recently learned that when she does let me go down on her that she wants her clitoris sucked I guess this isn’t too harsh.
Nice to hear someone else is extremely sensitive. I’ve never been with anyone as sensitive. Thanks for the reply.
Sounds like your already doing a great job and more importantly are trying to tune into what she’s enjoying while being open to suggestion for improvement 
The OH’s is relatively small and does show much from beneath her clitoral hood even when excited. It is however highly sensitive when aroused and she cannot abide too much concentration on it during oral sex. She would rather I contrate on her labia than purely on her clit, alternating between the two.
The use of fingers makes a lot of ladies fearful, too much pressure, fingernails and even the rough skin and dirt under the nails etc., so I’ve found using one’s knuckles seems to work a treat running them either side of the clit rather than on top.
Time to organise a show and tell 
ask her to show you exactly how she does it and take careful note of how she touches herself. You might find her pressure or location changes slightly as she becomes more aroused.
Also, I don’t know about other clitoris owners but sometimes “the spot” just moves, even in the middle of play… just to make it more confusing.
My husband watches for my cues but even knowing my anatomy and cues as well as he does sometimes I still need to guide him because I might be feeling more to the left that day, more sensitive, maybe not as sensitive….and unless I say, it’s impossible for him to know that.
mine changes so much. sometimes almost so flat it disappears, to rigid and standing proud. thing have to start of gentle and can get progressively harder the more turned on I am. Hubby seems to have perfected things. I have to use my middle finger as it is a lighter pressure than I tend to give with my index, so maybe try different fingers. Also I am often more sensitive along one side than the other.
Get her to place her hand over yours, I find this such a turn on when I ask hubby to guide my hand when playing with him
also agree with you about the spot changing, often very very different if something in my vagina
Mine is tiny and hidden under the hood it’s frustrating because I struggle to orgasm because it’s not very sensitive most of the time. I can use the most powerful toy for ages and not cum. I wish I had a bigger one or that it could be exposed a bit. At least some sensitivity would be nice but nope it’s made of steel apparently. Lol. Ohhh it’s annoying I can say that.
My wife experiences exactly the same thing. Sometimes the sensitive spot goes walkabout and we have to re-group and start again.
There was a time when she would have lost patience and given up but she now has much more control over her orgasms and can pick it up and continue if she needs to.
also, the clit has now been shown to not just be that little nubbin at the top but actually more wishbone shaped reaching down behind the labia, hence why some find labial massage equally stimulating
Try using a clit sucker or a nipple sucker in the same place. Works a treat
My husband cals my clit a little Willie as he can make it grow erect by playing with it. I have to admit that it does get bigger, hard and sensitive when I cum. It also varies in sensitivity. There are times when my husband can get me off with the lightest of touching and other times when I really need to grind my clit to get off. When I’m like this I usually get in cowgirl mode and don’t stop until I’ve cum even if he has shot his load first. There doesn’t seem to be any happy medium.
I’m curious as to what labia massaging is? I’m probably being silly and having a brain fog moment. I would Google, but knowing my luck I’d get naff information.
Thanks to medication, reaching the “O Factor” has been demoralising…
just touch and stimulation of the labia and vulva. I think you can get more technical with noni ot tantric massage, but don’t know much about those
Ladies never ever take your clitoris for granted. I wish I had one, the pleasure is compared to a prostate orgasm and they are a lot harder to get
Very much the same, I need a lighter touch when it’s someone elses fingers. I’ve tried describing what I need in the moment but it’s really difficult bc ot could be different tomorrow but it helps him to read my body and know what I want from the natural movements.
Mine is large. Very large. I started out probably over an inch long, and with testosterone cream I’ve got 2" when really turned on. Very easy to locate, very easy to please, and it takes a lot of punishment 
When I’m not turned on, it hides under the hood, but when I’m turned on it comes out with what almost looks like a little head.
Also got big dangling labia that are very sensitive. Sex feels great, but when I was trying to be a girl, fitting this stuff into regular feminine underwear was no fun. I prefer shorts. Aside from that issue, I kinda feel sorry for the girls who have little tiny clits that are hard to find and have issues getting an orgasm. I probably got the easy road.
I do often wish my clit was a little bigger as I often struggle to find the thing and it is not always very sensitive. I find I have to use vibrators on the highest setting to cum and it can take a long time. Currently I’m looking into getting a clit sucker as I’ve found using a nipple sucker in the same way has helped with the issue.