Ok, guys i could do with some help.
I took the plunge and sighned up for internet dating. I have been ghosted by everyone I’ve talked to (even if they started the conversation).
I get the M.E/C.F.S is a big thing. I know i put it on my profile (it seemed sensible). Im not expectig everyone to just be fine with it.
Is it too much to expect someone to write a single sentence like “sorry, i dont think were a good match” rather than leaving me hanging?
I just feel like I’m putting my self esteem through the wringer.
Never done internet dating, but think it was here i read recently that people are looking at so many profiles that they don’t have time to reply to everyone.
From what i have read, it’s a bit of a meat market and if you have a disability, you are competing with able bodied people, which can be very demoralising.
Are there no online groups or real life ones relating to your condition where you can interact and meet with like-minded and sympathetic people?
Hey @Green_Eyed_Girl
I known from this forum what a geniune person you are and how much you invest in all the posts and replies here. As you may have gathered i use the Fab sites for hook ups, maybe with the view to something longer term. I throw out a lot of messages as well as responding to incoming mail. A lot of people are time wasters either drunk or not as into as they might like to have thought they were when you push them a little. So even if they contact me first, by the time i reply, it may be another day and they have lost all interest in the whole idea.
For you, i would say maybe initially not to invest as much time as i suspect you do , given the depth of your inputs on the LH forum. Save the more inolved interactions for when you know there is a connection developing. Above all, don’t take things personally. It’s not even that the other people are *ssholes, although some may well be, it’s just the nature of internet match making.
Some good news: Even on the fab sites, where the aims aren’t necessarily ‘romantic’, there are plenty of people who have met and developed long term relationships, even with church bells.
@WillC@Melody1 thanks guys. This is really jumping in the deep end for me. Its not something ive ever done before and im finding it a bit of culture shock.
I find it really difficult to meet people my own age. Its partially living in the back pf beyond and also having hobbies that don’t usually appeal to my age group (The m.e. Also doesn’t help in all honesty).
Anyway, this just seemed like a decent idea given lack of obvious alternatives.
Nice suggestion, I don’t think id be able to do hook ups If I’m honest. Ive thought about it. But, As they say, i need to get to know someone a bit, before i get to know them alot better
Thanks for the advice. I think i’ll just try not to take it personally.
Hiya, my experience with internet dating is that you need a lot of patience! I had to accept that people can be a bit rude and so and say strange things but there are some wonderful people out there and if you give it time they may just surprise you! Good luck
@Green_Eyed_Girl, I feel your pain - I have the same problem even when someone uses a super like they don’t respond o my attempts to talk to them. As @WillC & @Melody1 have said don’t take the lack of response personally, there are a lot of bored people just passing the time on dating sites (I think car sales sites would call them “tyre kickers”) with no intention of meeting anyone IRL.
tire kickers, i like that. Yes i thibk your probubly right @rhyming_geek
Thanks @HornyAlex for the advice. Patience is definitely going to be needed i feel.
Not that i didnt think it would be, i think sometimes i just forget how people often act on the internet in general.
Im sure the right one is out there for us all somewhere … when this happens any issues we have (lets face it we all have something whether that be physical or other) there will be no ned to feel like its a problem just a considered challenge (hope that doesn’t offend) then and only then have we met the one for us … dating is a challenge full stop ! keep smiling !
Doesnt offend at all. I know what you mean .
Thanks for the pep talk. I really appreciate it.
Everything feels a bit like slogging uphill at the moment.
I cannot offer you any advice other than good luck, you deserve to find someone that you can connect with. Are there any sort of support groups / local activity groups where you could meet people. Partners come together in some strange places, like volunteering/groups but work situations and I know of one from a Bank appointment. Stay with it and good luck.
One possible suggestion, maybe remove the M.E/C.F.S from your profile.
That way it gives you chance to bring it up and present it in a way that suits you, and gives people a chance to know you through conversation before making judgements.
I’m a part-time wheeler, and I tried both approaches in the past. I think in general online dating is a harder gig for men, but I found when adding a wheelchair into the mix, it didn’t matter what messages I sent or effort made, there was zero response. People automatically assumed whatever (limitations, high maintenance, who knows what).
I initially felt bad not putting it on my profile, and reminded myself - my condition does NOT define me, my personality, my behaviors, my interests, my humor, all that jazz, thats me - and that’s what needs to come across on your profile. Unfortunately there are a lot of shallow people out there, but more than that, there are a lot of people simply uneducated about this stuff - they know nothing about M.E/C.F.S, or what that would mean to them if they were your partner.
Human nature is to then avoid in case they’re out their depth. It’s nothing personal, just their fears.
Once you talk with people, you’ll get a feel for when and how to present it.
It gives potential partners chance to make informed choices that way, and also helps towards educating people also.
If anyone gets angry for it not being on your profile, that’s their issue, not yours. Some people will say thanks, but no thanks, and that’s OK too. You’re not hiding anything, you’re just choosing who you want to disclose your personal information to.
Thanks @Mr_Kink1, really helpful. Yes, i had considered taking it off. I do find it amusing (and a but frustrating) that no one ive spoken with has actually thought to do the obvious thing and ask my about it. thats what id do if it was the other way round
Yes indeed, but that would put them in a position where they have engaged, and they don’t want to then feel shallow if it is too much for them - so the easy option is do nothing.
It’s really not easy, and unfortunately a lot of people are simply happy hiding behind their keyboards/phones rather than being curious, asking the question and saying thanks for your time, but I don’t think I’d be the right fit for you kind of thing.
Entirely their loss, of course, but it’s important to believe that yourself. Fear is a crazy thing, and that’s the issue, it is nothing personal to you. Thats easy for me to say as I’m with someone. If I wasn’t and was on dating sites, I’d be very similar - its hard NOT to take it personally.
Thanks. Dont worry, i completely get it. I have family members that still dont accept the whole M.E/C.F.S thing, and they’ve had 15 years to get used to the idea.
I would remove the M.E/C.F.S reference. People aren’t going to ask about it or look it up. They’ll automatically assume that they’re going to end up being a carer disguised as a partner and strangers don’t care about you enought to want to do that.
Internet dating is hard work, try not to get too invested in people too soon.
Sadly it’s how it is in online dating now. I’ve been signed up for years on various apps and they all have the same kinds of treatment from others with little variation.
My best advice would be to put on your esteem armour and try not to mentally connect as this ghosting treatment happens to everyone and it’s one of the biggest negative effects on social dating
Hi @Green_Eyed_Girl, i’ve got CFS / ME too so i know what you mean about people not accepting it. I think i wouldn’t mention it on my profile, let people get to know you first and bring it up once you feel more comfortable with them. I think a lot of people don’t know what CFS / ME is and probably can’t be bothered to look it up. That being said, i understand why you want to be upfront about it, you’re an open and honest person (from what i can tell on a forum of course!) but you shouldn’t feel bad about not including it on your profile.
tire kickers, i like that. Yes i thibk your probubly right 
