I feel like an absolute mess, if OH is off with me even slightly I just crash. He's never nasty but can be so blunt or awkward sometimes it makes me think he's hiding something. Yesterday should have been a really good day, he's just got enough money to repay a loan off his brother and did a forcast and will be able to pay his mum back soon too. But when I rang him in the morning at the office a woman answered who didn't sound like his receptionist, I asked and he said it was but seamed really off with me, not chirpy and didn't say "I love you" back, I picked him up on it and he went knobish saying it over and over saying I weren't saying it back. I'd been cleaning all day and he saw I'd thrown a wire away, that looked like rubbish but he claims is worth £50, it's clearly broken but whatever, I apologised, then he started going on about everything "going missing" cameras and checks, as though I've thrown them away too, it's about different throwing a broken wire away than a camera! He just made me feel like absolute shit. He sat watching TV while I ran round cooking his and puppies dinners then I just broke down, and he starts saying he's been worried about me all day because I was saying someone in the office and it was the receptionist, and we have to go shopping, and we have to go to the vets. And he hasn't been off with me, I've been off with him?? This morning he got up at 7:30, he usually gets up at 8:30 so I asked him why and it was just a series of vague, "I'm going to work" answers, I finally said "do you have a meeting?" "Yeah" then why not just say that?! I asked if I could have an extra half hour in bed and did. About ten minutes later he came storming upstairs into bathroom to wash his hands because the dog got shit on him, then set off on a rant about how stressed he is and he doesn't have his camera and the guys asking where he is and he needs to get the van out but can't put the dog inside, I got up and dressed asked what he wanted me to do and he just said he wanted to go, so I held the dog while he got the van out and shut the gate then went to the gate to say bye and he'd just driven off. Don't know where he's going, when he's coming back or anything.
i had depression when I met him and he's been such a support to me but as soon as he seems annoyed at me or distant I just collapse. I don't understand why he's still so stressed when he's doing so well!
sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest
I have read a few messages on this form similar to yours and we'll to be honest if I treated my better half the way you have been treated I would fully expect a swift kick in the nuts .
Sorry I can't give you any help or advise but that just seems down right rude
I don't have much advice to offer, but it sounds like something is stressing him out and he's taking it out on you. Will you be able to sit down over the weekend and talk things through? Even if he is having a rough time at work, you deserve to be treated with respect. Hope you manage to sort things out x
He always takes work stress out on me, I just don't understand why he's stressed, he's doing so well! We'll talk this weekend, think we're gonna go out, I've only just finished exams so we're both pretty stressed
Hmm, normally I would say you need to sit down and talk to him, but by the looks of things. That doesn't seem like much of an option.
And I wish I could offer some amazing advice, but I think you've probably seen how rubbish my relationship was. And I wouldn't expect you to take my advice!
Just know that we are all here to support you in any way possible!
I've had depression for years and trust me, I know how hard it is. So I will be here for you no matter what x
I feel like an absolute mess, if OH is off with me even slightly I just crash. He's never nasty but can be so blunt or awkward sometimes it makes me think he's hiding something. Yesterday should have been a really good day, he's just got enough money to repay a loan off his brother and did a forcast and will be able to pay his mum back soon too. But when I rang him in the morning at the office a woman answered who didn't sound like his receptionist, I asked and he said it was but seamed really off with me, not chirpy and didn't say "I love you" back, I picked him up on it and he went knobish saying it over and over saying I weren't saying it back. I'd been cleaning all day and he saw I'd thrown a wire away, that looked like rubbish but he claims is worth £50, it's clearly broken but whatever, I apologised, then he started going on about everything "going missing" cameras and checks, as though I've thrown them away too, it's about different throwing a broken wire away than a camera! He just made me feel like absolute shit. He sat watching TV while I ran round cooking his and puppies dinners then I just broke down, and he starts saying he's been worried about me all day because I was saying someone in the office and it was the receptionist, and we have to go shopping, and we have to go to the vets. And he hasn't been off with me, I've been off with him?? This morning he got up at 7:30, he usually gets up at 8:30 so I asked him why and it was just a series of vague, "I'm going to work" answers, I finally said "do you have a meeting?" "Yeah" then why not just say that?! I asked if I could have an extra half hour in bed and did. About ten minutes later he came storming upstairs into bathroom to wash his hands because the dog got shit on him, then set off on a rant about how stressed he is and he doesn't have his camera and the guys asking where he is and he needs to get the van out but can't put the dog inside, I got up and dressed asked what he wanted me to do and he just said he wanted to go, so I held the dog while he got the van out and shut the gate then went to the gate to say bye and he'd just driven off. Don't know where he's going, when he's coming back or anything.
i had depression when I met him and he's been such a support to me but as soon as he seems annoyed at me or distant I just collapse. I don't understand why he's still so stressed when he's doing so well!
sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest
What is with men and being offish mine can be hell like this I just went to bed and cried yesterday because I felt so crap a million hug coming over. You need them.
kittencub wrote: What is with men and being offish mine can be hell like this I just went to bed and cried yesterday because I felt so crap a million hug coming over. You need them.
It's so unfair, when we're stressed its nothing because we don't work so we're not allowed to be stressed, when they're stressed its somehow our fault, then we're the problem because we're moody because they've had a go at us! MEN! Hugs for you too.
i know it's nothing serious and he's not nasty, he's so supportive, and it is just stress I know that in my head but I just struggle to trust so much it's in the back of my mind constantly that he's stressed because there's someone else. I'm scared that I'll never trust him because of what I know men to be like, my father and step-father can't be trusted as far as you can throw them.
I can cope with all that though, I just wish he wouldn't take everything out on me! Just went outside and saw his van so he's back, but he went straight to the office, WHY WONT HE LOVE ME?! aaarrrghh
kittencub wrote: What is with men and being offish mine can be hell like this I just went to bed and cried yesterday because I felt so crap a million hug coming over. You need them.
It's so unfair, when we're stressed its nothing because we don't work so we're not allowed to be stressed, when they're stressed its somehow our fault, then we're the problem because we're moody because they've had a go at us! MEN! Hugs for you too.
i know it's nothing serious and he's not nasty, he's so supportive, and it is just stress I know that in my head but I just struggle to trust so much it's in the back of my mind constantly that he's stressed because there's someone else. I'm scared that I'll never trust him because of what I know men to be like, my father and step-father can't be trusted as far as you can throw them.
I can cope with all that though, I just wish he wouldn't take everything out on me! Just went outside and saw his van so he's back, but he went straight to the office, WHY WONT HE LOVE ME?! aaarrrghh
Men they're worse than kids at time's I don't have children but hubby can be hardwork, extra hugs.
Im no sure what to say except sit down and very nicely point out bits which in your eyes him being offish.your both going through a stressful time as saying goes "you always take it out on the one your love" he maybe even be depressed and not sure how to deal his own emotions.please dont think im majing excuses for him as his behavior shouldnt be stood for. I wouls go mental too. But sit and chat and hope all goes well for you x
My advice would be to try and let it cool a bit. I dont want this to come across as harsh, but its just an outsiders opinion.
i personally dont think hes done anything wrong based on what youve put here. I think hes been reasonable and answered you, but you keep pushing for more and maybe thats making his stress worse? For example he said he was up early for work. If my husband said he had to be in work earlier than normal (today for example) i just say ok. I think by questionning him and wanting specifics, then he probably senses that you arent trusting him and then he feels even more stressed!
Like the other woman on the phone, it couldve been his secretery with a cold, feeling tired, or even a stand in secretary if his usual one was off sick. He probably feels like you dont trust him if youre ringing his work and questionning who the female staff are.
I really understand that you have trouble trusting people, and thats normal, but theres only a certain amount of "mistrust' someone can take from a loved one before they crack. In his mind hes probably done nothing wrong and is wondering why youre questionning him about things hes already told you, and why you dont believe him.
I suggest you sit down with him and have an open conversation about the relationship in general, where you both get the chance to talk over issues. Maybe come up with a plan that will make you feel more secure? Small things like him texting you in his breaks, or chatting over dinner about your schedules so you hear about meetings and how stressed/unworried he is etc.
i didnt mean all that to sound preachy, but there are two sides to every story and i think you need to get to the root of everything rather than try and patch things up with forced "i love you"s so you both feel happy and secure. Good luck x
Its not always like that though. My Mrs if she has a bad day at the office will often take it out on me.I think it probably because like me, you are the nearest person and everyone needs a stress "doll" to take it out on . Unfortunately for us we are the stress dolls .
For me I get it in the neck for all evening . even if we are out. The same problem will be repeated over and over again all evening. Its almosat like she gets a bee in her bonnet .
Its something I have had to put up with and get used to and is the only small negative part of our relationship .Perhaps its the same for you .
I think a lot of women ( me in particular) have trouble just leaving things alone - we want to know the 'ins and outs of a ducks arse' as my oh puts it !! I know my oh gets very stressed at times, he works exceptionally long hours and with all his training as well . . . . . .If his training isn't going well he takes it out on me everytime and I've always had a really tough time coping with that - what the hell have I done , for christ sake ?
I understand completely how you,feel and it isn't nice but it's something you cant help. Hopefully you can both enjoy a nice evening out and clear the air a little. But, do make sure you listen to each other, your both on the same side here
I think a lot of women ( me in particular) have trouble just leaving things alone - we want to know the 'ins and outs of a ducks arse' as my oh puts it !! I know my oh gets very stressed at times, he works exceptionally long hours and with all his training as well . . . . . .If his training isn't going well he takes it out on me everytime and I've always had a really tough time coping with that - what the hell have I done , for christ sake ?
I understand completely how you,feel and it isn't nice but it's something you cant help. Hopefully you can both enjoy a nice evening out and clear the air a little. But, do make sure you listen to each other, your both on the same side here
Hugs and kisses xxx
JM88 wrote:
My advice would be to try and let it cool a bit. I dont want this to come across as harsh, but its just an outsiders opinion.
i personally dont think hes done anything wrong based on what youve put here. I think hes been reasonable and answered you, but you keep pushing for more and maybe thats making his stress worse? For example he said he was up early for work. If my husband said he had to be in work earlier than normal (today for example) i just say ok. I think by questionning him and wanting specifics, then he probably senses that you arent trusting him and then he feels even more stressed!
Like the other woman on the phone, it couldve been his secretery with a cold, feeling tired, or even a stand in secretary if his usual one was off sick. He probably feels like you dont trust him if youre ringing his work and questionning who the female staff are.
I really understand that you have trouble trusting people, and thats normal, but theres only a certain amount of "mistrust' someone can take from a loved one before they crack. In his mind hes probably done nothing wrong and is wondering why youre questionning him about things hes already told you, and why you dont believe him.
I suggest you sit down with him and have an open conversation about the relationship in general, where you both get the chance to talk over issues. Maybe come up with a plan that will make you feel more secure? Small things like him texting you in his breaks, or chatting over dinner about your schedules so you hear about meetings and how stressed/unworried he is etc.
i didnt mean all that to sound preachy, but there are two sides to every story and i think you need to get to the root of everything rather than try and patch things up with forced "i love you"s so you both feel happy and secure. Good luck x
I think you're absolutely spot on, to me he hasn't answered my question to him he has and I just keep pestering him. We've had problems with my trust issues before,cots usually when I'm under more stress or have lower self worth. We've just had a little chat and he's struggling to stay on top of his work, he's doing loads so owed loads of money but struggling to stay on top of paperwork so could lose the money. Plus wanting to pay his brother back has put extra stress on as we're gonna be low on money this month, I considering suggesting postponing paying his brother back but I think he really needs that boost.
thanks guys, I know he's not in the wrong, I just needed someone to tell me, once you get something in your head it's hard to get rid of it :/
Think it's unfair turning this thread into a "men are dicks" thread. Women can be just as bad and there's plenty of men (I like to think that includes me) that try as hard as they can not to take it out on their OH. I know I snap sometimes when stressed but I've always realised it a few seconds later and grovelled for forgiveness.
But back on topic, as many have suggested, talking to him is the only way it's going to get resolved. Maybe there is something really bugging him he doesn't want you to worry about. Someone after his job at work? A tight deadline he's struggling to meet? He might just not want to worry you but is having trouble keeping everything bottled in.
You need to have a chat with him and clear the air. If that doesn't help, you need to let him know that you're not going to stand for his behavior. Tell him that if he doesn't buck his ideas up he's going to end up pushing you away. Sounds harsh, but maybe it'll knock some sense into him.
I hate these kind of threads, because there's often so little we can do. It's awful hearing how hard some people have it with their OH's and makes me realise how lucky I am.
I hope you manage to get it sorted and that everything works out for the best. Although, I do ask, again, for this thread not to turn into man bashing as I get quite offended by being lumped into the same category as some other men.
I would definitely recommend that you both sit down and talk and clear the air its not acceptable that he treats you like that I've bin there and everytime it happens it crumbles your world and just as you build it bk up it happens again good luck hope it gets sorted x
He's doing well at work that in itself adds a lot of pressure and added stress he will feel he has to work even harder to keep the standard up and his bosses will probably be watching him just to see how he does all added stress
My suggestion is try to forget about work go away for a weekend or just out for a night and have time together and relax de stress good luck
I havent got much advice but i would suggest that you both need to sit down and talk. I understand about the stress; when i get stressed everything becomes a big deal and it is the same for my partner. The best thing i have found is when i get stressed to either go for a walk and calm down or write out why i am stressed and then look over it an hour later (or whenever i am calm enough) then i usually see that i am 'overreacting on certain aspects'. It is not fair on you to take his stress every time, he needs to focus it on a more productive way like sport or an activity. I hope this helps.