I don't because I stress too much about it and i'm afraid I won't be satisfied until I feel I've had more pleasure than my partner (which turns me on and makes me want to jump on him to satisfy him as much as I am) but I feel like it is impossible.
I have found this thread very interesing and has got me to really think about myself. I cross dress, my profile pic shows me in my alter ego mode. I am very happily married with a wonderful supportive wife, yes I love to be in female clothes as much as possible. I am not gay, as in I don't fancy or feel sexually attracted to men, but I do strive to look as female as possible when out and about. I do have a curiosity to gay sex but only for the what is it like to be penetrated by a real penis. Yes I do have plugs, didoes and other anal toys, yes wife does peg me that I enjoy. So the bottom line is how do I fit into this world of having to conform to a pidgeon hole ?
There are so many sexualities / gender identities other than gay, bi, straight or man, woman. I really recommend checking out Ashley Mardell's youtube channel as she has a ton of information on those topics. 
alone4ever, thanks for your reply and the complement. I don't feel brave for posting my picture, I have had years of hiding my other side and have decided that I am not going to any more. Society especially recently has changed a lot to a greater acceptance of trans people and a range of legistration passed to protect minorities, so I have gone for it.
I am next week going to post pictures of myself in a range of Lovehomey's undies so if you are interested please have a look.
Having said all of the above I still feel that being a trans person is still very difficult to gain overall acceptance in society as a whole. A large number of big companies have put in place codes of practice to their staff to make trans people welcome and above all safe on their premises but it is still a uphill struggle. So I am doing my bit and hoping the future will get better.
That's an amazing tip, I never would have thought to try that. Thank you :) im so glad you don't feel so alone *returns hug*alone4ever wrote:
mummymermaid wrote:
Phew iam normalish then ^^ i dont think i want a willy though..i like being a woman..but the thought of feeling what a man must be feeling during sex ..turns me on so much..i think thats why iam struggling with anal and other things sexually...seeing or trying to feel from the mans viewpoint and getting really turned on . Then my womans body lets me down as it doesnt feel as enjoyable as i think it should ..does that make sense? XxVanilla_Kink wrote:
Yes mummymermaid! That is exactly what I am like x
Try putting your hand on your bits, lift two fingers and ask your OH to give them a blow job; connect in your mind the two sensations, and with your eys closed just let your self go. you could also try finger anal play , if OH is up for. and press your body against his ass as you play; and use your mind to join the dots.
Mamz; huggs honey, you sound like you need some.
VK thanks, I don't feel so alone any more, hugs for you too. and others who have posted here.
Exactly, the more people that are brave enough to be open about who they are now the more accepted it will become. As it should. It is so sad how many people are hiding their true selves because of fear. I only admitted a few days ago about being an autoandrophilia. It may have only been to the forum but it is a step in the right direction and everyone's openness and understanding has given me the confidence to accept who I am in a way I didn't before xphil wrote:
alone4ever, thanks for your reply and the complement. I don't feel brave for posting my picture, I have had years of hiding my other side and have decided that I am not going to any more. Society especially recently has changed a lot to a greater acceptance of trans people and a range of legistration passed to protect minorities, so I have gone for it.
I am next week going to post pictures of myself in a range of Lovehomey's undies so if you are interested please have a look.
Having said all of the above I still feel that being a trans person is still very difficult to gain overall acceptance in society as a whole. A large number of big companies have put in place codes of practice to their staff to make trans people welcome and above all safe on their premises but it is still a uphill struggle. So I am doing my bit and hoping the future will get better.
We love you all as you are :)
I'm pushing 60 so I've had a while to think about gender and sexuality. I've known I'm not your average hetero male all my life (not in sexual terms as a child, but definitely the feeling I'm not the same as others). Couldn't identify as gay, as I'm not especially into men; couldn't identify as transgender because that always used to imply going from 'all male' to 'all female'.
Now I identify as non-binary and I feel a lot happier. Although there's a voice at the back of my mind saying it's a fudge, I do really feel more 'myself' when I can get to forget the whole gender package and not conform to normal expectations.
I'm getting to grips with the idea that even as non-binary (possible especially as non-binary) that transition is possible and desirable to make me more like the image I have in my mind. In one sense I've already transitioned - I present as a bit of male and a bit of female; I wear a bra and have obvious boobs when I do. While I've dressed wholly as a woman, with skirts, dresses, stockings, heels and all that, it doesn't feel quite right, somehow.
Oddly enough having been a man with boobs for about 7 years now, it hasn't freaked everybody out, and even Mrs Pink is quite accepting of most of the changes I've made. Sexually, it's a bit more difficult, as falling Testosterone levels and various illnesses have made it almost impossible for me to do my manly business as I used to. Ironically, I'm adopting a more feminine style of love-making when actually I quite enjoyed using my penis when I was physically more robust!
Still, the bottom line is that we're none of us totally male or totally female, and if you accepot that to be a sliding scale, then many concepts of sexuality, like straight or gay, make less sense than when you have only male and female as your genders. I haven't explored the non-human side if things as mentioned above, but the overall principal seems much the same to me.
With transgender being more mainstream nowadays and therefore more people admitting it, I can only hope we all accept thst ir's not just one thing or the other and though it can be difficult to get the answers, choosing a more fluid or ambiguous gender/sexuality is not wrong, perverse or bizarre. Meanwhile, the majority of us will feel more comfortable with traditional gender roles, which is aas it should be. Tolerance and understanding will help the minority not to feel alienated from that majority. Live and let live!
Ok guys, I'm in need for a little support.
I'm feeling really down these days because of that topic. I can't sleep nor work anymore because i'm feeling too depressed.
I am so frustrated about being a woman. I think every thing in sex is better if you are a guy and every thing is made to turn you on and be pleasurable for you while it's the opposites for women. I don't want to get all the good and positive I can when having sex because I feel that this is like a consolation prize when for the guys everything is so pleasurable that they have to make a huge effort not to cum. I too wanna be on the edge of cumming all this time instead of being struggling to do. I want to be easily turned on and to easily get off. I don't want to be told things like "it's normal for girls", "you have to accept it and take the best from it" because you never tell such things to the guys, you don't have to because for them it's not a compromise, they just have it all already. I too want to have my main pleasure organ pleasures BY the main event of sex (and not during it simply to compensate for the lack of pleasure of the act).
I don't think I will ever be able to feel satisfied by sex as I will always be persuaded that even if I feel satisfied, I would be even more as a man recieving the same stimulation. I feel so hopeless, feel that there is nothing I can do to get me out of that situation.
I want to be a man so bad, but I don't feel like it's because I am not a woman. It's simply jealousy. I want to be a man because they have everything and I have nothing. I don't want to have an operation to become a man because even then I wouldn't have a real penis. I think even male to female trans can have better sex than a cis woman because all their organs are made from a freacking penis.
Mamz I'm sorry you are feeling this way! It must be so frustrating for you as I know it can be for me. I try not to focus on it too much as it tends to make me feel a lot worse.
I do honestly 'think' that female orgasms are longer lasting and sometimes more intense. I guess it's something no one can ever really know. I know my partner sometimes doesn't even know if he has cum whereas I always know.
I wish I could offer some advice but I don't know what I can say. Please try not to let it bring you down, I know how much easier that is said then done though xx
Mamz, I felt jealousy toward guys when I was growing up too. I felt the way you describe it, that they have it all so easy, and having a penis must feel awesome. I grew out of it though and I'm sorry you haven't.
I think being loved for who I am, with men that always made me feel like a true desirable woman, and in particular my husband's adoration for my 'womanness' and having achieved my first ever G-spot orgasm with him during only intercourse has helped. Also, I have talked with him honestly and openly about our orgasms as a man and as a woman. And he envies ours! From what he explained about his, women's orgasms seem better. I hope you'll get there!
im bigender :) but i see gender and sex ot be very differnt things, there are males and females which is set in stone, even hermaphrodites are actually one or the other, and its important to recognise this. but to me, gender is totally different, its a part of your personality and has nothing to with whether you have an innie or an outie. i dont feel like a girl or a woman, but i am female, i love my body, dispite it not conforming with my mental gender. I hope to raise my child to be who they are in their mind as opposed to their body. you have a vagina so you like pink is insane. i also dont see how gender and sexuality are connected. like a girls transitioning to a boy will like girls, why? what has his choice of genitals got to do with who he loves?
personally i dont think there are even names for gender, or that gender is even a thing, its just a spectrum, some people are very "girly" (what has liking pink and ballet got to do with being a girl) its just our need to categorise people and label things. did you know pink used to be a very masculin colour and blue a very femenine colour. women started wearing pink to appear more masculin and demand respect.
This is an interesting one for me, not only personally but because my academic work is about eroticism and gender construction in art and something I've been studying for almost a decade now. Interestingly, the gender binary really is a western invention. Other cultures, India is a great example, actually operate with three gender systems which allows people to identify much more fluidly. I think there's also a reason a lot of these terms as we start look at gender fluidity are defined using ancient Greek terminology and roots, a society that seemed to have 'queer' concepts of love, bisexuality and polyamory. This is in strong opposition to Latin based cultures, particularly our own, that has the strict sexual policing of Roman laws that translated into the Judeo-Christian policing of sexual morality. If you're interested in reading and looking at this stuff more theoretically, which I really would recommend to anyone trying to understand how gender works, have a look at Judith Butler and Michel Foucault. They were the first to discuss gender as a construct and they convincingly pull apart modern notions of the binary role of genders.
I identify as completely female and love all the wonderful things that come with it. I have always wanted children, always worn makeup and body clinging outfits and generally am comfortable with the identity. Being bisexual and a professionally dominant woman has meant that other people often call me 'bossy' and masculine. I can assure you this has nothing to do with how I self identify and is purely based on social constructions on what it means to be a woman and a man in society. I think when you are concerned with the feeling of the man in pornography, that might partly be because the videos are designed with the male viewer in mind and we have been somewhat trained to focus on male sexual pleasure when it comes to the visual world. Certainly, this isn't true in the bedroom and it isn't true in more 'feminist porn' but generally the visual tropes we use are intended to stimulate male arousal and that's how women have also been conditioned. THere's absolutely nothing wrong with that but it's not necessarily a fluid gender as much as social conditioning. That may not be how you chose to identify but it is something worth recognising.
Now, I love using strap-ons with my female and male partners. Again, in that moment I am wholly a woman and simply love to know that my partner is enjoying the sex we have. I'm quite dominant with it and I like the taboo of being a woman that penatrates as well. There's something so erotic about it. Again though, I'm loathe to say that is because I feel more dominant as a 'man,' it assumes dominance is strictly a male trait and as I've said before, these categories are all completely made up. And before you say it's biology let me just suggest that it could be equally dominant to be a woman 'enveloping' a man but that's just not how our society has developed theoretically or linguistically. Even our words for female genitals are constructed to create these ideas of masculine dominance, vagina comes from the Latin word for the sheath for a sword (I'll let you guess what the sword is). The construction of gender is powerful but a contruction nonetheless and worth keeping in mind when we talk about gender fluidity.x
Bex, truly enlightening! Thanks for that!
Sorry to hear you're feeling down mamz, hopefully it'll pass; in the meantime I'm happy to add my two cents to the discussion as it's been a really interesting read!
Mamz - I can honestly say being a man is not always all it cracks up to be. I think we all sometimes wish we could have different sexual organs in order to experience sex from the 'other side'. God knows I'd love to have a vagina, and to be able to explore the different sensations. But for me, it's a passing fancy, and I make do with what I have. To say that for men sex is nicer because it's constantly pleasurable and you're having to hold off to prolong orgasm, whereas for woman it's more of a struggle to achieve one - everyone is different in this regard... to give a man's perspective, it's not always like that, that's purely down to how turned on you feel. You can frequently have erections when you don't feel in the slightest bit turned on (and the sensations are dulled by comparison). Or, as in the case of nearly a third of men aged 30+, there will be the odd occasion where you are insanely turned on but nothing happens down below (and that is frustrating, believe me!). Other times you'll be having sex and be really into it, and you realise you're just not going to be able to cum - this sometimes happens for me, if I've held back when I'm nearing orgasm, the sensations subside, but then you can never get them back.
But I echo some of the comments from others before me, that gender is really more a spectrum. I'm male (in that I have male organs), I'm attracted to the female form, but always had a fascination with cocks, and wondered what it'd be like to have sex with a guy. Problem was, whilst I can look at a guy and find them attractive; I've no desire for any romanticism, and certainly have never had 'feelings' towards a guy. I even slept with a guy once, and enjoyed the feeling a 'real' one in me; but it made me realise that what I prefer is women to take me in that way. I am submissive, and prefer to receive, but I'd rather it was a woman doing it to me.
Am I Bi? A little... Am I straight but just kinky? Maybe... I don't care one way or another. There was a term I saw on Fetlife which was Heteroflexible, which seemed to fit me best; but I say do away with labels altogether. They aren't needed in today's society.
My closest friends are female. I can't stand the things that society tries to label as predominantly male i.e. sport, boozing, being out 'the lads'; I actually detest all that sort of stuff; but also refuse to say that I prefer female company. If I find some male friends that are happy to talk about feelings, watch period dramas on TV, give each other foot massages, then I'll happily do thosr things with men too. It's my interests that define me, not the company I keep :)
era wrote:
Bex, truly enlightening! Thanks for that!
No problem. Obviously, I've had to summarize and generalize a bit but I'm glad it was useful.x
That was really interesting bex thanks. Inspired to look more into it x
Hi guys.
Thanks for your answers
A lot of you seem to talk about gender vs sex. I know this thread is about gender but I posted anyway because I did want to start a new one.
I have already had issues with gender too, I am too frustrated about the gender stereotypes and all thzt, but it is something I can live with. I am a strong woman, who can live in a man's world without them opressing me (volontaty or not). I have a lot of guys friends, in fact I like guys better, but my best friends are all females who have a big "male" side. My male friends tend to have a lot of mysogynic sayings, but I love them, because they don't agree with it, they simply make fun of it, denonciate it ( a lot like I am too, and a lot of people don't understand that). Some of my friends are happy to share their feeling with me, but not because I am female, because they feel that I am always there to listen to them. In fact it's always one side because they are close to their feelings and I am qhen alone, but not with others. I don,t think anything like that has to do with gender either. But yes, a lot of people really are those stereotypes (the majority of them in fact), but I think it is because they were raised in them, by people who believed in them, so of curse they stick to it now. I have worked in a machine shop when I was younger. I was the only gril, but didn't care. They were joking about me because I was the little girl, all young and girly, but I didn't care, the only moment gender was relevant was when something heavy had to be lifted. The reason because I don't do this anymore isn't because I didn't like to get dirthy, it's because it wasn't intellectually challenging. Still nothing to do with gender.
The thing that got my bf interested in me when we first met is that after getting to know each other, he was thinking "If I was a girl, i'm pretty sure I would be this girl". We aren't like the exact same person, but on some important point, we do think the same. It's the case for gender equality (though we don't have the same reaction towards it) or society standards. I like that, it is great. We agreed to live our lives together like we want to, without being concerned about anything about the society (so gender stereotypes and etc).
Now the thing is, that I can live with the gender thing, but not the sex one. I am not frustrated about gender and not being able to be accepted as a certaing ender or whatever, I am frustrated about not having a penis. What Sex squid have decribed about the problems that a man can face in sex... about sometimes when you know your not gonna cum.. Well, this is my life. I always get this feeling "well, why are we doing this right now, it's not gonna give me an orgasm anyway" and then I get down and we stop hving sex because I am not into it anymore and after that i'm feeling like shit for a while. I think a lot of women have to do with the fact that they know they are not gonna climax from penetrative sex. So why for men whould it be an issue, and for women something completely normal?
And the evolution thing, I find it so discusting. I am a very rationnal person and I tend to base my thinking on things like that. That is even part of what got me to think that it's better to have a penis. God, gang rape, wtf. The woman's orgasm is there so she ENDURES it, you said it yourself, while the man's is there so he has a motivation to do it again. I really feel like this is my life. I have no interest in sex and I don't see the point of doing it (while I WANT to enjoy it, and I want it to be more than just what it is right now).
I know that there is a big mental part to it. But what I want is the physical pleasure. I think the man has better physical pleasure, that helps him to be mentally turned on. I don't have that. I too want to be feel so much physical pleasure that I'm turned on by sex, or by the idea of it, or by seeing my partner naked, or by the simple idea of penetration. I know I can compensate fot the lack of sexual pleasure by the mental part, but I don,t want to. I want to have the same as a man, I don't want to compensate otherwise because I can't have it. I want to equally feel pleasure and be turned on by anything and so be able to cum that easily. I don't want to feel it is an effort to bring me to orgasm, I don't want to deal with the i'm not conna cum thing, I don't want to be told that it is normal for a woman, I don't want to compensate for something that I don't have that my partner has. I just want things to be equal. I want women (at least, me) to have the same than men when it comes to sex. The same, not omething equivalent, or something else that we are asked to be thankful about..
Lots of food for thought there mamz!
So is it a case, that if you were able to feel pleasure as readily as a man does, that you'd be happy within your own skin; sounds like you resent the fact that you don't have a penis just for the sake of the pleasure men can feel with it? Happy to be corrected if I'm wrong?
From my own experience, yes, it's harder for most women to achieve orgasm, but when they do the orgasms are stronger and last longer. It's a little bit like quality vs quantity in that sense!
I might be on the wrong track but from your post it seems that maybe sex has been unfulfilling lately because you're not having an orgasm, and that is leading to a loss of sex drive. Vicious circle! Can't believe I'm even asking, but in the spirit of open discussion, do you still masturbate to have orgasms or have you lost interest in that too? :/
You're right, I want to have a penis for the only fact that a man feels more pleasure.
I think maybe yes the women's orgasms may be stronger, but the mans still has a lot of pleasure from being on the edge, while the woman's struggling to even feel pleasure.
And again, you are right. I don't feel fulfilled by sex, but I've never have. I am not satisfied and even when I do feel satisfied, the next day or the day after I feel like I am not satisfied globally. I've never felt satisfied by sex (because i've never had good experiences) and I don't feel like I could be. I feel like to be satisfied i'd have to have a penis (I won't say "or have the equivalent of what a man has because I still think that if you don't have a penis, penetration can never be as pleasurable).
I do masturbate, in fact I think I have more interest in masturbation than in sex. When I masturbate I know it's 100% for me, that no one else feels more pleasure from what I am doing because it is only about myself. But sometimes I feel more mehh about it. Sometimes I masturbate because I am frustrated, so I only feel bad afterwards. and most of the time, even when I feel good about it, I feel bad because I feel like I lack some sex and that I am not emotionnaly fulfulled. Then I get frustrated because I know sex can't make me feel satisfied either.